courtneechunn's picture
courtneechunn

religous beliefs VS.my ideal wedding

I have been engaged since december and was planning a wedding in September...I am now 4 months pregnant. My fiance and I have recently decided to commit ourselves to the christian faith we were raised by. I do not want to have a quick wedding before giving birth to 'save face' or please our grandparents; I just want to be right with god. I don't want to live a cursed life for a second longer. Would it be ridiculous to have two weddings? Just a small one now, but with only a few people and very informal. Then the one I have worked so hard to plan, later?



concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Ultimately, you and your fiance have to do what you want to do and what feels right in your hearts. This post struck a cord w/ me b/c when my husband and I were engaged, we envisioned a small ceremony outdoors. Our parents were the ones who wanted us to get married in the church. Although we are both Catholics, we don't consider ourselves practicing Catholics. However for our parents sake, we agreed to their wishes. We also did it for our children's sake. Part of me feels I shld've stuck to my guns, but the other part realizes the benefits to compromise. Don't give up your dream. Just do in your heart what feels right to you.

GirlsMom's picture
GirlsMom

I don't see why you can't have your small ceremony and then when the baby is born and you guys are a little more settled in, have the big blow-out wedding. Even better....why can't you have the big wedding and forget the smaller ceremony altogether. Is it a problem with religion as to why you can't do that? You mentioned something about living a "cursed life". That made me wince because in my mind, God does not curse anyone and certainly not if you are a good person and trying to do the right things. You are pregnant and obviously in love with the father of this baby. That's not something to be ashamed of or feel cursed by. My mother had me when she was 18 and had just started college to become a doctor. She was already engaged to my Dad but decided to wait to get married after I was born. I was 6 months old when my parents walked down the aisle. My mom said she had never been so sure of something than the day she married my Dad because she knew he married her for love, not because of me. I love that story and it's a true one. If you and your fiancee' love each other very much, a baby is not going to change that and God is certainly never going to shun you for it either. I think it's perfectly okay to have the small ceremony and then the larger one later if that's what you want but I also think there are a ton of people who would agree with me that if you had just one big wedding of your dreams, either before or after this baby is born, that is perfectly okay too. Your wedding, just like the birth of your baby, will be one of the best days of your life. Make it awesome and do what makes YOU happy. It's YOUR day and YOU need to feel comfortable with your plans. Don't worry about anyone else.....this is life and they'll learn to live with it and support whatever decisions you make. Congratulations on your wedding and your baby. I wish you lots of luck and love!

mayamay's picture
mayamay

You should check with your pastor.

If you have the resources (not credit line, actual savings) for one of you to stay home with the little one for the first year, and also to finance the wedding of your dreams, then it's your decision. Your parents are not obligated to finance anything for you at this point.

My feeling is that the "big wedding" was traditionally a rite of passage to mark the transition from child to sexually active adult. You've already made that transition. Traditionally, the community helped the young couple with the things they needed to establish a new household. If you have already established a household, expecting gifts is just greedy.

How about a big bash for your 10th anniversary?

Sister83's picture
Sister83

I agree that you should do what feels right to you. I don't think you are cursed, but I don't share your religious beliefs. I can understand wanting to be legally married before having your child, though.

Lots of people choose to have a small ceremony, and a larger party later, for various reasons. There are a number of wedding boards out there where you can get ideas (theknot, weddingwire, weddingbee, weddingchannel, etc.)

Having a wedding when you have already established a household is NOT greedy. In fact, a lot of people that get married nowadays have cohabitated. People usually do bring gifts to weddings, but if they are uncomfortable doing so because the couple has been sexually active, there is no rule that says they have to.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

I was pretty sure you wouldn't get a traditional viewpoint from most posters. What is "traditional" and what "is right according to God" are often different. What "feels right to you" and what "is right according to God" are often different. That's why I suggested you speak with your pastor.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Good pt, mayamay.