amysarah03's picture
amysarah03

I want a baby, baby

My husband and I were married in September last year and I have come to a point where I am seeing babies and bellies everywhere!!  We both want to have a baby but my husband wants us to save some money before we start trying.  His initial planning showed that if we put away $50 a week into a high interest savings account, in 4 years we will have almost $15K.  I think this is very sensible and I am not arguing with him on wanting to save some money.  BUT I don't want to wait 4 years!!!!  We are both currently on very good incomes and he is afraid that the loss of my income for a year would mean that we couldn't afford our current lifestyle.  We want this baby to be born into a financially secure and loving home.  We are both emotionally ready but not quite financially ready!  Can anyone tell me how much they think we should save, how much their first baby cost and how much it will cost to stay home with baby for a year.  Also, any suggestions on making some extra money would be great!  Did anyone else out their save up some money before getting pregnant? 



gail's picture
gail

  Children impact every part of your life and relationship.  My husband just walked in and when I read him your posting he just said "Whoooooa, children change everything."  If the lifestyle is really important to your husband, he is going to have a hard time adjusting to rearing children no matter how long you wait.  I would have a serious discussion with him about putting aside all the income from your work for a year.  That way you could become accustomed to living without your income, and you could also build up savings. 

  Bearing children is a real gamble.  Sometimes the baby is not perfectly healthy and absolutely adorable, but sick and irritating children need parents.  I personally believe that children need to be in maternal care if at all possible until they have developed to age 5 or 6.  I regret to tell you that my first three children were in non-maternal care for 9 years.  They turned out okay, but I believe it would have been better had I taken care of them myself. 

  In addition, one of them had a health crisis which re-prioritized our financial plans. 

   That said, my first baby was 30 years ago, so the numbers would be meaningless.  Try to live on ninety percent of one income.  There are people who do it because that is all they make.  It takes self-discipline and sacrifice.  I do hope this works out, it would be a great thing if more people like you who are capable of delayed gratification were rearing children.

amysarah03's picture
amysarah03

Hi Gail, I really enjoyed reading your post and I thank you for your reply.  The advice about living on only one income for a year and putting away what we save was something that I honestly hadn't even thought of!  What a great way to save and it would also be a good dose of reality for the both of us!  The lifestyle is important to both of us but not in the sense that we eat out every night and plan lavish holidays.  We recently built a beautiful home which had been the main goal in our relationship.  The home is absolutely beautiful and everything we dreamed it would be.  This is our lifestyle as the mortgage is quite large and takes up a considerable percentage of our income.  Hence the fear of losing it if we lost the second income. 

 

I want you to know that I deeply respect your wish to have had your children only in maternal care.  My mother stayed at home with me and my brother until we were both in school and I have so many amazing memories of being with her.  I respect any mother/father who can afford to stay at home until they feel their children are ready for them to go back into the workforce.  I would love nothing more than to be a stay at home mum and care for my children as my job.  However, as I mentioned before, our mortgage simply would not allow me to do that.  Sure, it would be easy to sell our home and move into something smaller, but the whole point of building this large home was to have a place for our children to enjoy, something we built together for them.

 

So I think your idea about saving my income for a year actually solves this issue.  That would allow us to live comfortably while I am off work and would prepare us a lot better for the financial pressure.  Even if we did it over two years and saved half of my income over each year would also work.  I will be taking these ideas home to my husband tonight!!  Thank you so much for your post.

bugaboo's picture
bugaboo

You might want to take a look at your priorities.  Not neccessarily selling  your house you seem very attached to, but other "living expenses" we like to call needs, but those that are actually wants.  What kind of vehicles do you drive? Do they need to be new every year? That kind of thing- not quite sure of your individual situation, but it might help to look around and add up how much you cost yourself. 

I have heard many times from many parents- If you wait until you can acutally afford them- you will never have kids.  And that you are never really ready- you just have  to do your best. 

I don't say this to scare you off- just that there is so much unexpected to when you have kids- you have to realize the reality that they might not be the perfect little dream you think of now- they may be disabled, deaf, blind, or developmentally delayed- now I hope this doesn't scare you either but it is life.  When you take on that parenting role it is for the rest of your life.

joann's picture
joann

Hey i saved up some money but i didnt know that i was pregnant but everything turned out all right i passed each day day by day n enjoyed being a mother