what's wrong with me?
I don't really know why I ask this question,and even want to discuss it. I am ashamed and frustrated with myself and feel very humiliated. Maybe as I struggle innerly to expose my secret if I'll just get it off my chest it will make me feel a little better. So here's my problem;
I am a 34 year old very respected mother of 8. I have everything a person could expect for in life. Adorable intelligent kids, loving husband, a large warm immediate family, we both own our separate successful businesses,I am considered extremely intelligent and talented in almost all areas, I don't know why but I became quite famous in my community and people constantly turn to me for advice. I don't mean to boast it just states the severity of my problem. I have a very strong addiction to thumb sucking and no matter how many times I successfully succeeded in weaning myself it always hits back to such an extent that it's pure torture. For instance I just traveled 12 hours overseas, as my husband enjoyed the relaxing atmosphere, to me it was hell as I constantly battled with my addictive habit. It's very hard to explain but this is a craving beyond your imagination. You suddenly get an overpowering urge, it begs it yearns, it demands please... just one little suck, and when it finally defeats you as you sneak one in, ooh... how warming how relaxing, it feels almost like meditation, and when your thumb has melted away and you return from cyberspace that's when you wake up and feel dejected humiliated and one big failure.
Please can someone just explain to me why a women who was always considered an above average mature individual even as a child (I still remember the wide eyes when caught, now I learned to closet myself.) still can't get rid of such childish behavior? It's ironic but I successfully helped people with anxiety problems and also weaned 3 kids from thumbsucking (they are oblivious of mine) and here I am so helpless.