randosha's picture
randosha

Survival Skills for Parents

Hi all of you...

Just a simple start to that subject, and due to the speed of our time which dose not allow most of the parents interact with their children or their family members, and since I am a mother who is facing lots of problems with her kids and would like to reach a solution, SO, I have found this information and would like to share it with all of you..

Hope it would benifit all of us...

I will add each day something which I have read or learned..

Note, I am still working 0n my problems, need your prayers :((



randosha's picture
randosha

Punishment before, was not a case in our society like the way its now.. Most of the teachers are complaining from not controlling their classes with the increment no. of nutty students. Most parents feel that there is a big gab with dealing with kids who are not paying attention to rules and regulations.

But most worries us, is kids are trying to disobey the reality rules of society.

Now adays, most children are trying to run away from transportation fees, steal public goods, writing bad words on fences and walls, carrying guns, and the result, parents are blaming the schools and visa versa..

randosha's picture
randosha

Active Listening:

How far you can listen to your kid?

Ask yourself honesty this question?. Are you busy with reading the newspaper, cooking or thinking of work issues while they are talking to you ??? Do you think nodding with your head is enough to participate ???

Kids realize easily whether they are having the full attention from you or not, and then they can easily say (you are not listening to me) or (nobody cares what am I saying).. And when they are not able to drag the attention of you, they will go for bad behaviour to do so.. As when the kid know that calm and being quite person will not give him what he/she wants, then he would go for another path.. Other bad things do drag attention

SO

1- Active listening is a very proper way for most of the parents.
2- Listen to your child, as there are most between the lines.
3- Ask questions
4- Give actual answers not imaginary ones.
5- Do not judge the kid's feeling or ideas

Kids feel more safe when they express their feelings and know that their feelings are acceptable. They feel support and backup when they touch the respect in their parents' eyes.

Breifly, active listening is the best way to talk to a person with passion. Its a respect to your kid's feelings and ideas bcs you are trying through your kid from seeing the world by his vision.

Specialists said that sometimes listening to your kid when he is speaking, then you would know what he/she is hiding without telling that kid.

You have to participate your kid in the dialouge, it maybe difficult in sometimes specially when the kid is doing something wrong or you are a little busy, but it will go on for good step by step.

The kid needs a quite audience that deliver him secure feeling in right times.

As long as your child feel that people are listening, as long as you have build a type of connection between the two of you, which will restrict and limit some of long term problems that you are not awaring of.

randosha's picture
randosha

Apologies

Do kids need to say sorry?? and do we have as parents to say apologize to them?

Most times, parents do act the same way they are preventing their kids from doing, we aruge, shout, loose our temper and sometimes use physical punishment like hitting to show them what we are ....

But very few parents are able to take the responsibility of their bad actions and say SORRY to their children.

randosha's picture
randosha

Parents just like their children, do need to apology when they misbehave the rules. One of main problems that the society is facing is that children are grown in a place which has double standards. They feel that there are type of people which do not obey the rules that they have to do so..

When we apology to our kids, we are telling them that we are humen being and we can make mistakes, and if we are not able to admit our errors, then our kids will hide their ones, as its always scary to tell the truth. This lead to luck of communication and self dis-respect.

Kids need to be encourged to admit their mistakes, to learn that people do forgive sometimes..

randosha's picture
randosha

Avoid Labels and Ready Stickers:

Its very easy to stick lables on our kids and most of us do that from the day they were born, even some mothers they labeled their children before their birth!.

when the kid is born, he/she trusts the parents completely and keep asking lots lots of questions around the brain. They know from LEARNING that sky is blue, counting starts with 123, shoes for foot, night for sleeping, cat has kittens, books for reading, etc...

Children believe what they are labeled.

Todays' parents are too busy and tired to answare all these questioins and they dont realize that it effects their children. Then comes the negative labels.

And this study include the positive labels as well, bcs overcome with positive thing make the kid enter an imaginory world that doesnt contain only angels.

Remember, kids do behave according to your labels and ready stickers, so just avoid them.

randosha's picture
randosha

All children are different but most parents thought that all children have to behave the same, and this is wrong.

You can not deal with a social kid the way you deal with a quite one.

Each child has a weak point which you can interact with. Parents should search for these points and use them.

For example, active child needs to be quite, while quite child needs to be active, lazy student needs to be clever, academic child needs to learn music lessons or sport, etc..
And do not wait from a shy kid to be social all of a sudden, but we can ask him to be polite.

Search for weak points and use them.

randosha's picture
randosha

The Sequence of Kids' Birth:

There is no doubt that the sequence of birth do play a big role in classifying the kid's personality, also it effects on the way we deal with that kid.

You see that older kid is the 1st guest in the family, he is the first one to be taught how to use the bathroom, first to go to school, first to gain all the attention, as if he is growing under a microscope!.

First child in the family can not fail for any reason, otherwise it would be a big problem, while the second one can :(

And for these reasons, the older one put himself in a situation that he is over his parents' expectations and most of the time, he can not fullfil that.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

I like the skills you have posted. One that I have practiced for many years is to use positive words. The best example is to tell your child "Remember your book," instead of "Don't forget your book."

Every time you want to say, "Don't," figure out a way to say that thing positively.

"Walk"
"Talk quietly"
"Walk carefully"
"Stay on the sidewalk"
"Be gentle with each other."
"Play so that you both have fun."

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Exactally! My children's favorite positivity from me is "walking feet!"

randosha's picture
randosha

maya and 2xstepmom, thanks for passing by..