emmaandall's picture
emmaandall

step mom....what should a baby learn to call her

My son has custody of his daughter (8 months) from a previous relationship. She sees her mom daily though. Now that she is developing language, the biological mom doesn't want her calling the step mom mommy which I understand. But what should we teach her to call her since the step mom has most of the care? Is mama acceptable? Mum? Any suggestions would be VERY helpful!



mayamay's picture
mayamay

Tell the stepmother (by the way, she is only the stepmom if she is married to your son) to teach the baby to call her by her first name. If that is not acceptable, here is a link.

http://www.mothersdaycelebration.com/mother-in-different-languages.html

Also, the whole family should research all they can about attachment.

emmaandall's picture
emmaandall

the baby has been with my son and his wife for the last 5 months. She sees her biological mother for an hour and a half a day. i think she's more than a typical step mom

mayamay's picture
mayamay

My brother has reared his wife's grand-daughter. They adopted this little girl. His wife's health made it so that she was unable to provide care to a meth baby, so he was the primary, sole caregiver. He took time off from his consulting business when she was a baby to provide all the care. Now that she is 8, he works during the school year. She calls her grandma (who is the adoptive mother) Grandma. She calls my brother (who is the adoptive, legal, and caregiving father) Frank. When she introduces him, she says, "This is my Frank."

She almost never sees her bio-mom. She rarely sees her bio-dad. However, she calls them her mom and her dad. This preserves peace in the family.

I mentioned she was a meth baby. You'd never know it. She's bright, attentive, funny, caring, curious, capable, healthy, and as easy to discipline as most 8 year-olds. Meth babies are not easy to rear.

I think my brother is more than the typical step-grandpa approaching 60 years old. Even so, he is her "Frank."

Also, she is his only child. No-one will ever call him daddy.

The link I provided has mommy in other languages. I thought that crossing cultures would provide more difference and be less confusing than just an English variant of mom, mama, mommy, mum.

emmaandall's picture
emmaandall

I really do like the idea of picking "mommy" in a different language. Her bio mom was abusive and that is why they have custody now. However, because she does have a mom and a dad we didn't feel she should call step mom mommy anyhow. Thank you so much! if you ever want to just "talk" you can email me at auctionsurplus@aol.com. We have adopted our 12 year old grandson (different son's child).......his dad died and mom was/is a heroin addict. It is so sad to see so many kids in this situation. Like your brother and his wife's child, Christian is amazing and you would never know he was born addicted. bless you and thanks so much for the link! Emma

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

They do not have custody, the father has custody. The step-mother should be called by her first name.

emmaandall's picture
emmaandall

No, actually, the court order listed custody as being both of them which is very unusual. I'd also like to reiterate that none of think our son's wife should be called mommy because they want her to always know who her real mother is.

emmaandall's picture
emmaandall

I posted before I was done responding to Sngldad. We are just looking for alternatives to the name mommy and we really like the idea of picking an international name for mommy.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Not sure how the court could list a stepmother as having custody unless the bio mom had her parental rights removed and the step mom adopted. Very unusual indeed, may be a mistake. Does that mean if Dad and stepmom divorce, stepmom could fight for custody? What a mess that would create.

Not sure what exchanges we had in the past that you have stopped responding to me.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

If she is having 90 minute daily visitation, then this custody determination is temporary, and will be revisited within the next few months. In my state, if the mother has complied with all the court's requirements, then she will regain at least joint custody of the baby.

emmaandall's picture
emmaandall

This began as a question asking for suggestions on what to call a step mother. It seems to have turned into a discussion about me not knowing what I am talking about, even though we are living it. YES maymay custody is permanent. Mom's rights are terminated. Step mom has the legal right to adopt, which, when it is final, Sngldad, gives her the right to fight for custody should they divorce. However, both my son and his wife realize the importance of the bond between mother and child and THEY maymay, have agreed to the daily visitation as long as she is not high. Again, this was only to get suggestions on what everyone should teach a baby to call a step mother when the parents want her to be one of the permanent caretakers. The legal advice is unwelcome since none of you know the situation. and as for my stopping responding to you Sngldad, I don't stay on my computer 24/7.