melriff's picture
melriff

Single Mom...Struggling ......moving away from my sons father......

I need some advice......

I am a 42 year old single mom....i.have a 12 year old son.....I have been divorced since he was about 3.....his Dad lives close by and is a great Dad...spends a lot of quality time with him.....We have a great relationship coparenting....and sharing time with my son.....

My life is different from his Dads....who has a lot more money than I and live at the beach, so it is always a fun time there....I live in a small condo and struggle to make ends meet every month.....

This past year I met a man and fell in love....he is terrific with my son and they love eachother and get along very well. He has been transferred across country with his job, a huge financial opportunity that is not available where we live.....He wants us to move with him.....this will finally give me the opportunity for a new start and I would like to go back to school so that I don't ever have to struggle like I have in the past years......

I want my son to move with me...this would change the time he sees his Dad to vacations, long weekends an summer break......we are willing to send him back anytime there is time.....

His Dad actually agreed, but my son is not wanting to move away.....He is a great kid with a great personality and meets people so easily....I think once he got to Texas he would love it and be ok....I feel so selfish wanting to go and make things better for me for once....which will in turn make things better for him.......I am so torn.....I don't want my son to hate me for making him move with me.....but I do want to go......ultimately for both my boyfriend and I ...this is about my son.....we have talked about just breaking off the whole relationship but are truley in love and see and want a future together.....He wants to be able to provide a better life for us that finacially he can't do where we live now...........Do I give it all up .......am I a horrible mother for wanting more for me???



mayamay's picture
mayamay
Your son is 12--what would you think of him living with his dad? It would allow him to 1, maintain a close relationship with his dad, 2. have continuity in his schooling 3. stay with his friends.
jacksback's picture
jacksback
Your son's well being should be the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing at night.
motherspride123's picture
motherspride123
I think you should stay where u are...... i know its difficult for but you have to... your son's life is more imp. or if you want to go then leave your son here with his dad.
aussiemum's picture
aussiemum
I left my eldest two sons with their father when they were around your sons age. I first discussed it with their father and then with them. They didnt want to leave their friends, school etc and their dad is a wonderfull father to them (stepmother not so hot). Of course I would have preferred they were with me but they were at the age of wanting and needing to be with their dad. So I think it was the best decission. They come for holidays. And I keep in contact with them via phone every few days and send care packages often. It was devasting at first but they are growing up into wonderfull caring young men and I am so proud of them. I think uprooting them and moving them when they were so settled would have been a mistake. They are mature and confident so it hasnt affected them adversely. I hope this is of some help to you. Of course everyones situation is different. Good luck.