I've decided I just can't take it. There are thousands of words detailing the negative impacts on children of being part of a step-family, just on these boards, disrespect, delinquency, vandalism, school failure, promiscuity. The one that put me over the top was the one about the crying toddler--it turns out the baby is twelve months old, and the mom never had this problem with the boys, but they were not in a step-family, were they?
All that evidence, and so far the only rationale in favor of a making a step-family is Stephy's unique experience, and "Don't I deserve some happiness."
Yes, you do. So do your children. Your children also deserve undivided loyalty from at least one adult. Your children deserve parents that teach them to be competent humans of good character. Your children deserve a foundation that doesn't move on.
SinglDad, I'll miss you. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job. And my 17-year old son has taken to ordering lemming meringue pie. Best wishes to you and to Stephy.

Step families CAN work if boundaries are kept and the adults are able to do only what is in the best interest of the children. My stepfamily is currently working well: my children are grown and his children, aged 9 and 12, now have visitation with THEIR FATHER and seldom see me. THEY HAVE A MOTHER!!!!! They do not need a stepmother, I am here to be their friend when they want and/or need one, not another unnecessary mother. That is what most people miss, is that just because 2 people divorce(his marriage ended 5 years before we met), there are adult, helpful, hopeful ways for the children to be raised successfully.

I believe a we should be having "sex talk" as appropriate from the start. It starts with a child learning body parts then it advances as they grow and are start asking questions. If you wait until the child is 12 you may have waited too long. I always told my sons that if they were old enough to ask the question then they were old enough to get an answer. There are kids as young as 12 actually having some form of sex these days so you cant start too early. Just keep it to their level of understanding. I remember when my son was about 11 we were sitting in taco bell and he said "mom remember when you said you would answer any question I had if I asked" i replied "yes" then he said "what is oral sex" ... I was shocked and I told him i could not answer him there in front of his little brother. Later he asked again and I explained in simple terms.

I've had counseling, thank you 8-)

To SnglDad and Gail,

SnglDad, I agree w/ you completely. I think you cld've been a little nicer in your approach to what I see is your way to trigger a response from Gail, but your point is well taken. Life is filled w/ ups and downs. This is not Disney World we live in. Gail, please don't take to heart or be offended by people's posts here. Some people genuinely need help or just need someone to talk to. There's nothing wrong w/ being a deep thinker, but not everyone is like you. When you understand that, then maybe you will better accept the posts here and be able to return "to the shallow end of the thinking pool" as SnglDad so perfectly stated. When I first came to these boards, I came looking for advice and opinions about my son and his various challenges. I'm sorry if that bothers you, but these boards are not only here for people like you. If you don't like what people are writing here, you don't have to read or respond to their posts. I read your posts on Baby Borrowers, and I can see by what you wrote, how strongly you feel about the subject. You're entitled to your opinion, but at the same time, is it really necessary to put others down for their own beliefs? I guarantee that if the tables were turned, you wld be highly offended. In my opinion, you need to stop lashing out. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen!