emilie1974's picture

Please offer advice!

I left my first husband after ten years of marriage and several years of wanting to. He is a good guy and a great dad but I still needed to go(another story).

The plan when I left was for us to share custody of our daughter (now 7). She was going to stay with me for a week and then with him for a week. She hated this from the start and her therapist that she saw to help h er cope with the divorce suggested that since she views her dad's house as her home that she should sleep there suring the week and I could see her during the week for dinners and spend every other weekend with her.

As painful as this was I had to realize that I was the one that left and she needed her time to adjust.

Now, 2 years later, I am re-married with twin step-daughters and a brand new beautiful house. My daughter still hates staying here and says she wants to spend time with me but wants to sleep at her dad's house.

She refuses to embrace my house as her home in any way and sometimes it is so painful i give in and let her stay at her dad's.

Can you offer advice - am I letting my 7 year old call the shots or am I helping my devestated daughter deal with her parents' divorce and mom's re-marriage?? HELP THIS IS KILLING ME!!

LHMom's picture

I don't personally have any experience in this matter other than the fact I have an 8 year old daughter, and I know how hard this would be if she didn't feel at home with me. I might suggest approaching it as a more "fun" week end or week, rather than "now I'm at mom's"... What I am suggesting is: what if you suggest or even "invite" her for a "sleep-over" party at your house. At 7, this is a really fun thing she would do with friends. Keep it simple, but really "girl" focused. Time with just the two of you at first if possible. If the rest of the family might be around less this overnight it might make it "your special time". Of course, this should only be limited time only as the whole familiy is now her whole family and should be respected. Good luck to you, Hope all goes well.