momomof1's picture
momomof1

Please help!!

My son has been having trouble adjusting to me and my ex's divorce. He has been acting out at school. He actually got kicked out of one preschool. After a rough patch at first, he seemed to be doing better in his new school except for nap time which we were working on. Well, today he was doing something to another kids art project. His teacher asked him if he would like it if she did that to his and he said no he would get a gun and shoot her. Now I know that is not normal for a 4 year old. I know he did not pick this up at my house as he never watches anything more violent than Dora at my house, and I am pretty anti-gun. My ex, however, has an older son who is ADHD/ODD and very aggressive, and I think that is part of the problem. But when I mention it to him, he says our son is lying and that the real problem is that I think he is a perfect angel and am not seeing how he really is. My son is usually pretty polite and respectful at my house. My ex has a lot of behavior issues with him. We are now arguing about punishment. I punished him when I got home and made sure he had no fun on the next day (he wasn't allowed back to school the next day). After all this, my ex wanted me to punish him again by taking all his toys away (and not give them back until he earns them) so the punishment could carry over to his house and he could see we "were in agreement." Am I crazy or does this sound like punishing him twice? I think the punishment needs to be immediate (which it was). I'd love to hear opinions from people outside the situation.



Kara's picture
Kara

It does sound like punishing him twice. The boy's stressful right now, because of the divorce, and he needs help, that's why he's acting like that. He needs his parents' togetherness, attention and love towards him. Not only doesn't he receive what he needs (part of what he needs, of course), but also he gets punished. And punishing him twice will be plain cruelty. Please be understanding towards his feelings, they may deepen into something else in the future.
Hope this helps,
Kara

momomof1's picture
momomof1

Thank you. We are taking him to see a counselor. I'm trying to get my ex to understand my point of view but he doesn't seem to want to listen to me.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

WAY too much of a consequence for his age and the circumstances. You already did enough, hope the counselor will back you up and explain to your ex why not to punish so harshly. It will be years before that type of consequence would even be effective, now it would just be too complex for your son to understand.