justmom's picture

NEED quick help... possibly gay son..

Pretty sure my son is gay from what I have seen on his computer. He has not come out to us... just the opposite.. he blew up when I approached the subject. Now he says he is going on a vacation with a "friend" from school.

HERE is my problem... I want to tell him to be safe! Use protection! I had a best friend that was gay.. he went into the military .. 2 yrs later I was holding him in his final stages of aids. HORRIBLE death.

I am scared to death.. he is so naive and I am so afraid he wont be safe...

I can't speak to him because I dont want him to blow up and push him away..

SnglDad's picture

STD's are a part of hetro life as well. You dont need to be gender specific when speaking to him, just let him know you care and remind him to be safe. Whether he is gay or not is beside the point.

Honestly_Im_honest95's picture

What exactly did you find? Gay porn? That doesn't make him gay, you know. Maybe he just likes to watch? If he is though, its probably awkward for him to come out about it. Just let him be and when he decides to tell you then he'll tell you. Or maybe he's not even gay?

Gracie's picture

I agree with SnglDad, STDs are not orientation specific. Your son is probably feeling like he's in the biggest struggle of his life. Being a teenager is hard! I can't imagine the turmoil he's going through when added to all the other stresses of just being a teen he's also realized he's 'different'. You HAVE to talk to him, just like I've talked to my 'straight' children. Sexual chats are inevitable. and Safety is a huge concern among all parents. Let him roll his eyes, let him yell and fight your concern. hand the boy some condoms and say "Please keep yourself safe" then walk away, if that's what it takes.

GirlsMom's picture

How old is your son or did I miss that part? You seem able and willing to support him if he is gay and I think that you should. Gay or straight, people need to be loved and supported. If he is bucking the system and is not willing to "come out" then I agree with the other person who posted the comment that he is probably in the fight of his life right now as to who he is, where he belongs, how does he fit in, and how you may react. Talk about stuggle. It doesn't get any bigger than this. I am a heterosexual female but two of my best friends are gay males. I have seen and heard it all from them. Life is rougher, more complicated, and certainly more judgemental for them than it ever would be for me. Having said this, your son needs to hear your support and concerns. Sit him down and try to appeal to him from an emotional perspective and then if you feel he is responding to you, start up with the physical aspects that you need to bring up such as STD, AIDS, etc. These are serious topics to be discussed with every teen, gay or straight. My two gay friends tell me that "coming out" is one of the hardest things to do if you suspect that your parents and family might not be prepared or accept it. I'm thinking that your son may be in the early throws of his own gay discovery and is taking every precaution to see if he really is gay before he lets something like this be known to the world. My gay friends tell me that this is common and that they did the same thing....they KNEW they were gay but had to make sure of it first. One of my friends even had a girlfriend for 2 years and had sex with her too! He said that he had to....and that was the ultimate turning point where he said, I am gay. He loved the girl in many ways, but it was at that moment that he realized he was not attracted to women in a sexual way and was never going to be. The two still remain friends as of this day. Take your care and concern and put it to good use. Talk to your son and let him hear you out. If he still seems unwilling to listen and have an actual discussion, then the guy who said to hand him condoms and tell him to please have some sense and be safe gets my vote. It is far better to be proactive then to be reactive! I would never trade my two male gay friends in for the love of God. They are by far two of the lovliest, well-adjusted, kindest, and successful people I know. Drop dead gorgeous too! I wish you all the best with your son and I truly hope you two can have a meeting of the minds.