Pregnancy
Discussion Title: Need Help in Knowing What To Do
Created by: Buddies061...
Created on: Wed, 10/14/2009 - 2:15am.
Created by: Buddies061...
Created on: Wed, 10/14/2009 - 2:15am.
Ok, here's the situation.
I'm 23, girlfriend is 22 and 23 weeks pregnent. She has a son from a previous relationship who's 2 1/2, that I do take care of. Right now, we live 4 hours apart from one another, however, see eachother fairly frequently.
Question is this,
In January, I start collage which ends in late April, our child is due mid February and I'm totally excited as can be for this to happen. Only problem is that when it's born, after a couple of days, I have to go back home (to my parents for the time being) and leave both kids until I am done school. It'll be hard and I so know it because even thinking about it now, just rips me apart badly.
So my question is, do I move with the gf before and go to school there, and have what I want or do I focus on school, make a life for my family, which I do want to be able to provide for them, and stay 4 hours and miss out on my childs first 4 months of life??
Thank you muchly in advance,
Peter
- Login or register to reply
- report spam
Replied: 10/14/2009 3:56am.
I asked my husband's opinion on this. His advice, having been in the Navy when his 2nd son was born and barely saw him for the first months of his life, is to do what you have to do to be with your g/f and new baby from the start. He was able to fully bond with his other 2 sons who he was with from the start, and regrets that he was unable to with this son. If it is possible to transfer schools and finish your education, then do so. It will be difficult to concentrate and do your best in school when your heart and mind are with your new baby and family 4 hrs away.
You seem like a very mature and thoughtful young man. Whatever your decision, be the best father you can be.
Replied: 10/14/2009 1:30pm.
You should have thought about your education and career before you got your gf pregnant. Once you have a child, your life changes. You should focus on your child and what is best for him/her and your little family.
If you are able to go to school in the city where your children reside then you should do that. Even if you must struggle more with finances (because you can't live with your parent) then you should do that.
You decided to have a child and you must know now that your child comes first before anything else. Being in the Navy is different because this man had no choice. If he could have been with his child, most likely he would. However, you do have a choice and you should raise your child with his/her mother. It is both your responsibility and hers.
Good luck!!
Replied: 10/14/2009 2:39pm.
I do agree with you that the child does come first before my education, however, I was in school last year, and unfortently, just didn't pass all the courses that I took, so I'm just going back to finish them off now, rather then wait and make next to nothing for my family in the long run. I do totally understand the fact that the other gentelman was in the Navy, and that was his way of supporting his family, wheather he was there or not for the child, which believe me, I know is tough. For me personally, I can't even stand the thought of me having some glamoris life, while my girlfriend is dealing with the baby, I seriously cannot stand it. I may be 23, but I'm 100% family man, I want to be there for the kids and her, but I do really want my education, and I probably will move there in the next few weeks and get stuff set before that occurs.
I don't want people at all to think I'm running away from this baby or any other issue b/c that so not the case. I just really wanted other people's views on the situation.
Replied: 10/14/2009 2:59pm.
I never got the impression that you were running away from your child or your responsibilites. I got the impression that you could be with your child and ALSO finish your degree.
Believe me, I absolutely think that a man is much better equipped to support his family financially if he has a college degree; it will provide more opportunity.
I was only trying to say that your child needs YOU more right now than a college savings account or a nice house. You can give those things to your child when he/she is older and will care about them. For now he needs his daddy's love, hugs and kisses...
You should follow your intuition... You have it for a reason. If you think living with your parents until you graduate is best for you and your family then do that. But if you can get your degree without leaving your childs daily life then I believe it is a better choice.
Replied: 10/14/2009 5:24pm.
You're 100% correct and believe me, I totally agree with ya. I do gotta be there for my step-son now, and my child on the way, as well as going to school. I wish I thought of this in the first place, but I really can't explain why I didn't. I've already contacted some people in the collage thats in the area and I'm really thinking it'll be a go to go to school there.
Thank you everyone who's helped me think and see straight b/c it wasn't as easy as it may seem.
Both those babies do need me and those hugs and kisses from their daddy
Replied: 10/15/2009 1:25pm.
Well now I'm probably not gonna be going b/c I called the collage and there is no seats available for the upcoming semester. I'm totally devistated and basically ata loss to know what the right thing to do is anymore. I'm to the point, I may just not even go to school until next year, but I'm not really sure how that would go down.
Just when you think things are going on the plus, it gets shot down in a very fast split second.