kreddell321's picture
kreddell321

Need a lot of advice...sorry if it is a long request

Hello to everyone, 

 

 I have posted on here before and was able to get the help I needed and here I am again.  I have 2 boys (and they are all boys) and I understand that, but my questions are:

 

How do I implement a schedule and set one up?  With school around the corner next month, I need to get something going.  I am not good with staying to something for a while, so it has to be simple for everyone.  I don't know where to start with this.  I welcome any suggestions.

 

 My next questions is: what do I do with the attitude that is starting in our house by my 7 yr. old?  It is getting way out of control.  He is just snappy at everyone, especially his younger brother (age 4). 

 

 Next question: What are some good suggestions for chores for a soon to be 2nd grader and soon to be 5 yr. old.?  I am wearing myself thin trying to get it all done and it is not getting done.

 

 My husband and I are both full time students (hubby works also and I am a SAHM). 

 

 How do I organize the kiddos rooms so that they are actually functional?  I have tried to do this, but they just completely distroy anything I try to make better for them. 

 

 Why don't they show me some respect? 

 

I am about fed up with trying, but I know if I give up then I am not showing a good example.  I feel as though I am failing both of them and I don't want to feel like that anymore.

 

 I need all the help I can get and I would truly appreciate any help with all of my questions.  I am again sorry for the long post, but thank you all up front for your help.

 



tamz's picture
tamz

Since you are a SAHM, caring for the boys and your home is your "job". You should try to look at the hours your husband is away from your home as your "working" hours. Remember, some women are single moms who work a full time job and still manage their housholds. So, if they can do it you can too! I think you should make a rule that your boys have to clean up each time they play. Their room is their responsibility and it is a mandatory duty to keep it clean. If you make them clean up every time, it will not get as "out of hand" and it will be easier for a little guy to manage. As far as chores, I think a second grad boy can be responsible to take out the trash. Tell him it is his "job" to take out the trash all week... if the cans are full, ask him why. Start with one chore and maybe work your way up to two in 6 months or so. But he can get an easy handle on one chore and he is not too small to take out the trash. Don't let him say (it's too heavy, i don't know how, I can't etc.) My son takes out the trash and he is in second grade. Your little guy can be in charge of putting all toys in the bedroom. If there are toys in the living room or bathroom have him carry them to the bedroom. Stick to your plan and don't do the chores for them. I find it helpful to set timeframes for daily tasks. For example, I like to have the lunch, dinner and after school snack at the same time each day. I also like to have the house clean by noon in order to run errands. Timing for the week is good too... I water my plants every sunday and I do laundry every Saturday. Write down a schedule and stick to it as closely as possible. You can even check off tasks as you complete them each day. Your boys will see you performing taskes at certain times and it will become familiar and a source of comfort for them. As for the rotten attitude from your 2nd grader, make sure you are providing a consistent consequence every time he is rude. For example every time he uses rude words to you, your husband or his brother ask him to leave the room for 5 minutes. Tell him to go to his room and think about a better way to treat his family. Tell him his family does not want to be treated rudely so he will need to stay away from them for five - ten minutes. Do it every single time without fail. Good Luck!!

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Set ground rules, and stick to them. If you wld like to make a chart, make one that lists the daily routine w/ responsibilities and times. For chores, you can make a separate chart, and even offer your kids an allowance. That may be a good insentive. Taking out the garbage, making beds and cleaning up toys, setting and clearing the table, drying dishes, and helping w/ the laundry are all good chores for your boys. They can even help you make dinner. My boys love to cook, and they are only 5 and 3. Be firm and consistent. Set consequences if necessary. Consistency is important so your family gets used to a routine. Don't let them think they get one day off here, then one day on here, and so forth. Play w/ your boys during the day, and do things they want to do. Spend lots of quality time w/ them. Then in turn, tell them, we had play time. Now it's time to help mommy do some things too. If you respect them, they will respect you. I hope all this helps make things a little easier for you at home. Good luck!

Jellybeanlover's picture
Jellybeanlover

Boys! You love them and yet they sure can be an handful sometimes can't they. You'd never trade them for someone else even when they are at their worst, becasue their best is your joy and pride.They are part of you somehow and you see yourself in them at times even though you are their mom.

I agree with the first response you got. Your 2ed grader should be able to take out the trash...
along with that he can also help set the table and clear it afterwards.He should pick up toys and help with other tasks... if you have pets...water and feed the dog (you'll have to show him a few times and check on his job later, to be sure it's done as right for a while). He can also make his bed to the bes of ability (not yours for now), and put his dirty clothes in the wash. Your youngest can help clean up the toys, dirty clothes, and keeping the room clear of toys each day after playtime. There are many tasks they can do, be creative and stick to it.
I think the more you stick to your tasks the more example you give them. If you allow them to see they can get off easlily with NOT helping you out now. Think of what it will be like when they are teenagers.
I wrote out jobs for each child and posted it on the fridge where we all could see them.I would chekc to see they were doing them, but not when they were looking. I think doing the tasks in the morning is the best time also. It gives you time to check out things you want to do the next day, along with doing fun stuff in the afternoon. Since you are at home too, set up times that are best for you to accomplish what needs doing. I do laundry on Saturdays, but sometimes we our out doors all day. So Mondays can also be laundry day. I try to be flexable, but work at staying with a routine as closely as I can.Our oldest two learnt this and now our youngest two still helping. They help at mealtime as they set the table, clear the table, helped put food away, help wash up dishes, while one sweeps the floor, one will wash or wipe the dishes.(by age 8 or so they can wash, dry and sweep while you do something else...I still supervise in a discrete way). Laundry Days they can help with folding face towels and socks, and some of their own clothes. They help with putting clean clothes in their drawers, bringing in hangers from their rooms, hanging up their own shirs. They are to have their room clean before any outdoor play, or tv/computer time. Rooms have to be picked up before Dad is home or they missed out on tv/computer time that evening.
Again stick to it, even if they find excuses, or attiude. Make your word final and only you decide when to let something slide, not them. You are the boss and they need to learn to work with you, not against you. Set up what works for you. Work at a task for a week in half and after a while add another task onto their list of "to do's" Don't argue with them, or excuse the misdeed.Again you are the boss/decide what is best for your routine/home.
If you try to keep their rooms too organized for them, they won't like it. If you put everything just so, they will never do it. Boys are more easy going about how the room should be. Keep it simple. I bought tubs with lids on them,one for the misc. toys,another for the legos,another for the stuffed animals, ect., each tub was clearly marked. Then after they had clean up their room I walked thru it checking it, only you put the the lid on the tub. Or they will be adding anything just to finish.
Once that task was OK, we would go to the next task. Each task has a few minutes of hugs and verbal encouragement. When they refused or gave arguement, that ment less time doing something they enjoy.

For the 2ed grader who is giving you the attitude. Boy each one is different, what works for one is nothing to the other. When our older son gives us the attitude he is told the first time how it's unacceptable, what we would rather he said or did. The next time he is told and sent to the corner for a time (3 to 5 minutes). He is to stand with hands behind his back and nose to the corner and he can NOT talk or make sounds. Afterwards he will be asked why he's there, what he did, and what will he say or do the next time. If it happens again in the same day, it's repeated, with longer corner time. This gives him time to calm down and to think how things are suspose to be in our home. With our other child, the corner doesn't work as well. So we again say what should be what we expect and we don't like, then we take dessert, or Tv, or something from them that we know they wanted. Maybe a toy for that eveing. Usually it's the dessert or computer time that works best.

You asked why you aren't respected... Could it be you are yelling alot?I'm only guessing at this, but if it's yelling, what did that teach? what did it show them.
Do you show them respect....to get respet you need to show it first, that's an old saying that's been around for sometime and it seems to hold alot of truth. Children maybe small and not have alot of might, but they have memories and what will they remember in the years to come about you? Did you show them love when they were naught. I don't mean let them get away with wrong doing,or attitudes but when they are repentive and it's real. Do you show love and forgivness.As a young girl we too had a neighbor who had seven children, all I remember was her yelling at them to go do this or stop doing that. She yelled at them even when the weather was bad, you could hear her for a quarter mile away. Those children just went on doing what they liked and she just kept yelling. She sure left her impression on us that lived around them. Sometimes as parents we forget they are just children and either let them get away with tooo much or we are are to strick and expect them to toe the line to much. Enjoy their youth, their unique personality and be flexable, but stick to what is best for them not what is always easiest. I usually ask myself before hand, how would I like or would have liked to be spoken to, or treated if I were them. I treat them that way.
I talk to our children alot, so they also know what we expect of them, and how being naughty hurts them and us. I make a point of talking to them alot each day becasue it helps them understand our ways and I learn more about what they are thinking and feeling. It helps for when they become teenagers, as they will come to you and talk about almost anything becasue you have always been there to talk to and to listen. Listening an talking to them each day is a discovery and it brings you closer to each other. I do it sometimes after breakfast (in Summer) and when we tuck them in at night (on school days). sometimes I will do this when we are driving somewhere for a length of time. It takes ten mintues to and hour sometimes to hear and speak with them. But it's SSSooo worth it, and they get to learn about you too. I discovered yelling closes doors to their minds, and smiles and hugs are openers to the attitudes even when they don't like what you have to say. They know by now you are there for them and helping them.

Hope this gives you some ideas and possilby help you. Enjoy your boys, they grow fast.

mcasolveson's picture
mcasolveson

Very frustrating...You are not alone...as parents we all have been there in some point. I did!. Someone recommended me to take a class called the Parent Project. It is the best advise I ever got. The program teaches very effective parenting skills to deal with strong will or out-of-control children. The tools you learn in the class are extremely effective. So effective that I become a teacher of the program to help other parents in my situation. It really changed the dynamic of my family in a very positive way. For further information go to www.parentproject.com for classes in your area. Good luck to you!