kimberlyd's picture

My child is very quiet and shy -

I was attending a afternoon school function with my 5year daughter. The children were sitting up front on the floor, and the parents behind them. When the show was over, my daughter came up to me crying. I kept asking her what was wrong. At first I thought someone maybe accidently stepped on her. But then I smelled something and saw something on her pants. She had an accident in her pants (#2). She told me crying to take her home. I immediately left the place. I felt embarrased for her but also at the same time, mad. She doesn't have accidents in bed or anywhere else. But my daughter is a very quiet and shy girl. She won't speak up. So in the car I kept asking her why didn't she get up to tell me. She said that there was alot of kids, and she didn't want to move. I was very frustrated, and I went home and cried. I thought that her punishment was to sit in her mess for awhile. But I think that is harsh punishment. How do I get my child to speak up?

AlabamaX3's picture

I don't think a punishment is neccasary, she was obviously upset about it. It sounds like it really was an accident.

Talk to her about it and come up with a way for her to communicate with you should something like that happen again. Like a hand signal or a tap on the back of your hand.

I remember when my oldest daughter was 7, she was in a horse show, waiting at the gate for the start of her class, and she had to go to the bathroom so bad she peed in the saddle. I was so mad, it was an expensive saddle (stained the suede, which fyi is highly absorbent) and I saw no reason why she didn't just ask to go. I was standing right there I could have held her horse while she made a run for it. She was upset and said she thought she could have held it till after her class and she didn't want to say anything in front of all the other riders. She missed her class changing clothes, she was highly embarassed about the whole thing. It never happened again.Though to this day I always ask if they gotta go, before they climb into the saddle.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

My son is 5, and until last yr, he too was having #2 accidents. Also, just recently, he had another accident at an indoor play area at Burger King. My son won't always speak up either when he's around other people. Therefore, I have to give him frequent bathroom reminders. Sometimes I have to physically walk him into the bathroom to get him to try to go. This helps. In my son's case, he's too busy w/ what he's doing, that he doesn't want to stop to go to the bathroom. So, he'll hold it in until it's too late, and then he has an accident. It's very frustrating, I know, especially when you have to p/u and leave a place b/c you don't have a change of clothes. Here's what's worked for me:
1. Frequent bathroom reminders
2. Reward system: giving my son an incentive to use the bathroom
3. Bringing a change of clothes (just incase)
You might also want to consider your daughter's diet. It sounds like this isn't an issue for her b/c you said she hardly ever has accidents, but in my son's case it is. I avoid giving him milk b/c we realized he's allergic to it, and therefore it will go right through him if he drinks it.
Anyway, try these ideas. Hopefully they will help. Good luck!

hannah22's picture

Well tell her how sorry she is take her out try and be funny to but what you nee to do istell her you one itcosyou loved her you dontneed to take hr out do let herhave freinds around so she will be noisy so she will know how much you love her.

junieg's picture

How is your daughter normally at events like this. Some children don't do very well in crowded situations and it perhaps made her nervous sitting with so many people around. Punishment is most definitely very wrong in this situation. She needs reassurance.Talk to her about how she felt in the circumstances. I know that I personally find it difficult to leave a crowded room like this when something is going on as I do not want to disturb other people.

dwhitelock's picture

First time on the site and i love it!!!!
Anyway do not shout at her as this will make her go into her shell even more. My daughter was the same at that age and is now 13 and was very shy. I found that talking througth these incidents and asking her to chat to you about why and how she was feeling i found that she was able to get the confidence to speak up when she needed help or wanted something. Dont put her on the spot and start the chat casually and she will chat more easily like in the car or the bath. Good Luck hope this helps