AngieMama804's picture
AngieMama804

My 7 y/o daughter is having sexual thoughts!!!!

HELP!

Lately my daughter has been telling me things that are a little disturbing. While I feel good about her being comfortable enough to talk to me, I'm a little worried. So far I think I've kept my cool so she doesn't feel like a freak. Afterall, some of it is natural curiosity and I want her to continue to feel comfortable about talking to me about anything.

The reason I'm worried is because, being a female, I don't remember having these kind of thoughts until I was at least 10! Maybe I just don't remember? Of course nowadays our children are exposed to so much more at younger ages.

So here's what she's told me so far. It started off innocently enough....she was upset about having some dream about seeing her father naked. I assured her that was normal. Then she had another one where "his thing", as she called it, was orange and fell off. Ok, so I made her see the humor in that. She has a new found facination with the way her private looks....ok normal right...but she confessed to me today that she wants to show it to everyone. I told her that was wrong, privates are private yada, yada. She said she's kissed the dogs private (boy dog), ewww, yeah...so of course that last secret made me ask why she would think it's OK to kiss privates. Wouldn't you think she's seen something or other kids are talking about oral sex, or godforbid someone did something to her?! So I drill her and tell her that sometimes adults do inappropriate things to children and may scare them to keep secret like threatening to kill them, their family, etc., and that it's a lie and to definately tell me if that ever happens/ed....a speech I've given many times. She's assured me that she hasn't seen anything and that no one has touched her. I believe her.

She is very upset over the thoughts she's having because she does know it's not appropriate. She did have an incident at our house a few months ago when a boy from school (whom we know for a couple of years) came over for a play date. He wanted to show each other their privates and she ran crying to her daddy and told him, who then sat them both down to talk about the innapropriateness of doing such a thing. I have just been reassuring her that these thoughts are normal and the more she worries about them the more it's going to bother her and linger in her mind. I guess I want to hear someone out there tell me it is all normal and what if anything else I should do or say.

P.S. She is an only child, has a 14 y/o step sister who does not live with us and very mature for her age.

Feedback/Advice would be very appreciated.

Thanks..........................................................~Angie~



KHADIJA30's picture
KHADIJA30

IF I WAS YOU I WOULD TAKE HER TO THE DOCTOR BECAUSE A 7 YEAR OLD SHOULD NOT BE THIINKING LIKE THAT IT'S ALOT OF CRAZY THINGS GOING AROUND IN THE WORLD AN EVEN THOW YOU ASK HER IF SHE'S BEEN TOUCH BY ANYONE YOU STILL NEED TO BE SURE CAUSE KIDS ARE SCARED TO TELL IF SOMETHING LIKE THAT EVER HAPPEN TO THEM IT'S BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY CAUSE IF SHE'S HAVING THESE TYPE OF THOUGHT SOMETHING IS VERY MUCH GOING ON IT'S EVEN HAPPEN TO HER OR SHE'S SEEING IT SOME WHERE..

AngieMama804's picture
AngieMama804

I appreciate your thoughts, but what can a Doctor do? I am assuming you mean her regular medical doctor?

I dont want to drag her somewhere that might possibly make her feel like a freak either.

junieg's picture
junieg

7 year olds don't normally think or talk about things like this so she has heard or experienced something. You need to get to the bottom of this for everyone's sake. I appreciate you don't want to make her feel different, but if you leave things as they are, can you be certain she is safe? If a child of her age came to me at work and told me things like this, I would have to pass on this information to our child protection team for investigation. It would most certainly be checked out. It could be just that she has been listening to some of the older children at school, but can you be sure?
I don't want to sound alarmist but she is giving you a lot of detail there?

AngieMama804's picture
AngieMama804

I appreciate your thoughts but if someone called child protective services that would do more harm then good. Afterall, like you said, she could be hearing things on the playgroud, which is what I am leaning towards. Are you a teacher? Would you call child protection without talking to the parents first? If so I feel bad for the children and their families at your school. I happen to work for a group of Psychologists and spoke to one of them today. I was stressing big time over all this. One of our female doctors, who is the mother of 2 girls, told me to not overreact or stress out too much. She said it was mostly normal and to just watch her and keep her comfortable to keep communication open. My daughter is very smart and we are very close. While I do not want her to grow up too fast and know too much too soon, I am certain she has not been molested. Thanks again.

junieg's picture
junieg

Yes, I am an early years Educator and you do not have to feel sorry for the children and parents at our Centre as it has been proven to be the best in Britain. I could give you the details and the link to inspection reports etc. We are an international model and have visitors come to us from all corners of the world to see how we work. We are Edinburgh's flagship nursery centre. We have a very long waiting list for children. And if you feel the need to attack anything, attack my opinions, not me, as I know I am good at my job and well respected in our nursery community. You just did not want to hear anything like this, so maybe you should not have posted. If you have read many threads here, you will realise that we can all be brutally honest at times.
Child protection would not be contacted until the parents had been questioned. That is paramount. It would depend on what was said at that meeting whether it was taken further. I am glad that you are certain that your child has not been molested though.

tamz's picture
tamz

Im certainly not saying you are lying, but if one of the psychologists told you that your seven year old child kissing the dogs privates was normal then I would not have faith in her. I have three children and there have definitely been the times when they got curious about sex, but what is happening with your little girl is not "normal" and you should not dismiss it. Hearing things on the playground may not drive a little girls curiousity this strongly... There could be more to it. It seems you have dismissed the first two posters because you probably want this to be normal and just go away. If a child told me some of the things your little girl has said, I too would be concerned and report the issue. I would give the info to a professional because I could not be sure the parents would not just dismiss it or that they may be part of it. I am not AT ALL saying you are part of it, however.

pokey's picture
pokey

tamz has articulated very well my exact thoughts after reading through these posts.

I would add that I am not sure how one can be one hundred percent certain that no molestation has taken place. I of course hope she has not been.

But it is a fact that in the majority of cases, kids are molested by someone they know--a *good* family friend or uncle, for example. And you cannot tell who a perpetrator may be by outward appearances or manner.

If this were me, of course I would wish it all were just normal behavior, but I wouldn't be able to let it rest without seeking professional advice. Sometimes people need help to get back some sense of normalcy after things happen to them. This little girl may need that. Why take that chance? This is her life. If all is well, I would hope a good professional can reassure you of that. And if something is wrong, s/he can help her heal.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

My best friend confided in me when we were in high school. She told me her father molested her when she was younger. She said she kept this a secret for a long time, until she was in a sex ed class and the teacher was discussing pregnancy. This idea scared her, and she told her mom when she got home. At that point, her mom confronted her dad, and after questioning him, kicked him out of the house. A few hrs later he returned, denying that he ever did anything to his daughter. My friend's mother believed him and took him back. Today, my friend is a grown woman, finally married after many failed relationships and poor self-esteem. She has disowned her family, and now lives in a whole different country. She has finally, after all these yrs, found herself, but she still struggles w/ self-esteem issues, as well as control issues. I knew my friend's family very well, as I spent a lot of time at their home. Although I never witnessed any inappropriate actions, I always believed my friend. She has gotten professional help and is now doing somewhat better. But ask yourself. Do you want to take the chance and have this be your daughter? I wldn't.

AngieMama804's picture
AngieMama804

juneig....where in my reply to you did I attack you? I asked if you would talk to the parents first and if not then I would feel sorry for the children. You answered my question after you got defensive. I even ended my post with thanks for your thoughts and I was sincere. I posted because I wanted advice not threats about child protective services like I am not protecting my child.

AngieMama804's picture
AngieMama804

I can certainly understand everyone thinking hear. Obviously the same thoughts have crossed my mind or I wouldn't have come here for advice in the first place. I can assure you that I'm not going to just ignore exploring this issue further and making sure my daughter is OK. Thanks to all.