mdogg's picture

Is it ok to call son while he's with non-custodial parent?

My 9yo son is with my ex and his wife for a week and I would like to call to see how he is doing. Do you think this is ok?

I have primary custody, ex has scheduled visitation. Divorce agreement gives both parents free phone access to our son.

I have told ex from the begining he can call our son anytime he wants to..I would never prevent him from talking to his son. He very seldom calls..his choice. Occasionally our son asks to call his father..which I allow him to do.

The problem is with ex's wife..she will not allow me to call "HER" cell phone (which, by the way, is the only phone they have) to talk to my son. She has been told many times that it is in the court papers that I (or ex if situation reversed) has free phone contact with our son but she doesn't care.

I have reasons to be concerned for my son's welfare while with his father..son (8yo at the time) found pot out in the open in father's bedroom (also the room son slept in while there), son was involved in a situation of inappropriate touching with ex's wife's younger brothers (who were themselves molested just a few months before this, unknown to me), ex and wife fight a lot (recently during one of their fights my son got so scared he locked himself in their bathroom, cops were called that time), and there are other reasons for me to be concerned that I won't go into here.

I bought son a tracfone that I could lock so only the numbers I programmed into it can be called out or in. I told my son to keep this phone on him at all times while with his father. He was to use it only in emergencies and to call me ONCE a day to say hi.

Well, first time son took phone with him he got sassy with it..telling his 16yo half-sister he was going to call me everytime she told him what to do. He ended up calling me several times that day. Not my intention when I got the phone. I have since talked to son, again, about the proper usage of that phone and also had him call his father to apologize for being a butt with it.

Now step-mother has told my son he is not allowed to take the phone with him again..if he does, she told him she will take it from him. She told me (via ex's sister) she would have my son call me everyday from her phone.

I told my son he is to take the phone with him but keep it shut off and in his backpack unless absolutely neccessary. With son's phone off I have no way to contact him unless I call ex's wife's phone.

Son went to his father's on Sunday, step-mother let my son call me once on Monday, it's now Thursday night and I haven't heard from son again. I'm wondering if I should call him.

BaseballTranny123's picture

Honestly, I'm not sure I'd let him go there any more. Call the cops.

SnglDad's picture

It’s not the mother’s decision as to whether the child goes there or not, there is a court order in place. Unless you go back to court to modify the order, not much can be done. As for the phone contact, that’s another story.
I have open and free contact when my kids are with their mother and she has open and free contact when they are with me. Since she only see’s them every other weekend, I rarely call unless there is something important to talk with them about. Their mother is welcome to call here any time of the day or night to speak with the boys. That being said, I would call everyday and attempt to talk to your son. I would keep a record of each call and whether you were “allowed” to talk to your son or not. I would also send a certified letter to him with a copy of the parenting plan in it. I would remind him that while your son is with him you are allowed to call him, but his new wife is restricting contact between you and your child.
Third party interference is frowned upon by most courts. I would seriously consider going back to court and asking for a modification based on the continued violation of the order and your parental rights. Time for dad to be responsible and make decisions for himself and his son rather than letting a legal stranger make them for him. It’s also time for dad to get himself a cell phone, or home phone. I wouldn’t allow this problem to linger much longer.

sherryannet's picture
Definitely listen to what Sng\Dad says. For sure don't let it go on much longer! Good luck