adietrich's picture

HELP! When to have baby #3???

HI! I am of mother of two boys, age 4 1/2 and 22 mos.  We have been doing a alot of talking about baby #3 recently.  We got pregnant with baby #2 when our first turned 2 years old.  We thought almost 3 years apart was good spacing!?  So far, we've been pretty content with the spacing and our second son is fast approaching 2 years old (January).  If we were to go according to plan, we'd ttc in Jan.  BUT----HOLD THE BOAT---it is a totally different ballgame now.  That would mean baby #3 would be due in October. 

Here are my concerns.  Hayden, our first son would then be 5 and would have just started Kindergarten.  Would a new baby in Oct be too much for me OR him at the start of such a transition as Kindergarten?  He's quite adaptable, I don't worry as much about him as I do myself.  What if I go into 'new baby hibernation' and don't meet that many mothers at school.  What if I can't participate that much in that first crucial year?  What if he brings home school-aged germs and baby is always sick because he/she was born on the brink of cold/flu season.  I could go on and on.....but since I've probably established myself as a verified nut by now, I'll stop.

I don't know if I want to wait that much longer because then I fear our oldest (4 1/2) will be too far removed from the baby.  Or, will this not matter because we're a great, tight-knit family and I just wouldn't let anyone around here be "far removed!" 

With all that being said, I will let you know that it is my personal preference to deliver babies after the holidays....maybe I should wait a few months and then the baby would be due in Feb?  Any thought would be appreciated ! :)  Oh how I wish I lived in the old days when nobody ever dreamt of "planning" a pregnancy


bipolarmom's picture

Well, I'm pretty old fashioned. I say start trying and everything will work itself out. There are never any absolutes even if you do plan things. Babies are blessings whenever they appear. The important thing is that they are born to a loving home which it sounds like you have. My husband has six other siblings, three of which were born 11 months apart. There's 20 years difference between the youngest and the oldest and they are all still a close knit family.

acitez's picture

When to have baby #3? As close to 9 months after the conception of baby #3 as you can manage.
Seriously, there is not a recipe for a perfect family that refers to size or spacing. Here's the recipe for a perfect family.
Be patient
Forgive each other
Respect each other--which means if one of the parents is not ready for a baby, then neither of you is ready for a baby.

NorthernVa.Mommy's picture

I think that no matter what the spacing of your children, there will be some adjustment. My 2 oldest are 2 ½ years apart and then there is 3 ½ years between the 2nd and 3rd child. When my 3rd was born, he was a big help but he did have some adjustment issues. He didn’t take it out on the baby but he did torture the middle child.
I have other friends who have children that are all 18 months apart and they are busy but the kids all get along well since they always have a playmate that is relatively close in age.
Whatever you do, I think you will be fine. It is amazing how we are able to adapt to new situations. Good luck.

eden's picture

i understand your concerns, and they are all normal ones, and they all may or may not happen. however you seem a bit overwhellmed already with just the thought of baby #3. My children are 2 1/2, and almost 3 yrs apart from each other, that puts 2 of them 6 yrs apart, and yes it has been a lot more to jugle with the oldest starting school in the begining of my pregnany, and now in school, he has come home sick and gotten baby sick, i do struggle trying to keep up with the eldest, i.e parent participation in school, homework,,ect. a 6 yr olds needs are very diffrent from a babys, esp. when babys "demand" a lot of attention. With every new child comes a new family life, and you learn to balance things out. However I will say i was not overwhellmed or anxious until i was pregnant with baby 3, than as the months that followed after the birth, things evened out. Also we really involved the older ones in the pregnancy and babys birth, my oldest son cut the cord, it was a peacefull, calm water birth with just us, immediate family,(besides midwives, and nurses), it was very personal, and the older children still talk about it with excitment. He, has a very close and protective relationship with his baby brother. So i think its perfectly normal to have such concerns and also fair to YOU and family to "consider" baby #3. And of coarse your support group matters, I couldn't reach all my childrens indivisual needs without such help from husband and family.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I wldn't worry so much. All your concerns will work themselves out sooner or later. I have 2 boys 15 mos apart. Baby #2 was a surprise, and at first things were really tough. Now, however, it's great b/c the boys are so close. Spacing kids out has it's advantages too. The older ones help w/ the younger ones, and this makes the parents' lives a bit easier. You have to decide what is best for you and your family. Consider your situation now. Are you and your husband emotionally ready? Can you handle another baby financially? Do you need more space or a bigger car? How will this affect the other children? Do you have the support of family and friends if need be?
These are all questions you shld ask yourself. Whatever you decide, though, there will always be sacrifices you have to make or additional things you have to do if you have another baby. So don't worry too much about those things unless you think they will severely affect your life in a negative way.
The way I see it, though, a baby is a blessing no matter what. If you want another baby and feel you can handle everything that comes along with this responsibility, then go for it. Things will work themselves out. Don't worry.

EasyTherMac's picture

yea i agree the spacing doesnt matter too much theyll all adjust to each other...maybe another year would be okay also doesnt matter!