Tuppence's picture
Tuppence

Help!!!! please. Any suggestions welcome.

For the last seven years I have had difficulties with my eldest child. These difficulties have gotten worse, not better.

It doesn't seem to matter what I try, there is some inittial improvement, but then it goes down hill and fast! for every step my boy-friend and I take forward and each time there seems to be some progress made with my eldest, when things go wrong they wind up being worse than before.

For the last 5 years I've been on this merry-go-round of H*$% going backwards. I'm tapped out of ideas and I don't know what to do anymore.

I love my child, but at 14 there has to be something I can do to improve my family's lives. There are six of us in our melded family and the only one that seems to have a problem is my oldes child.

My child has been stealing, lying, blaming others for failures, etc. and this has been going on for the last 7 years. I've ruled out it being a phase, I've tried talking (to no avail), I've scheduled time everynight to spend with my child (private time) I've done everything I can think of. Now I'm at risk of losing my child and my boyfriend and the rest of our family isn't very happy about this, but I'm out of ideas on how to fix the problem.

I talk to my child, my boyfriend talks to my child, we talk to my child together asking the same questions in as many different ways we can think of. "Why?"  and every time I/he/we get "I don't know"

I used to live with my parents, am devorced and now have a "blended family" my eldest child can do no wrong in my parents eyes yet the other three children are wrong when they act the same way. Same child can do no right in my boyfriends eyes. and my ex-husband doesn't seen to care. His wife does though, and gives my two children whatever they want from what I can see.

The problems were present before the devorce, but I thought it was a stage. After the devorce I thought it was regression, and he'd grow out of it. But it's been 7 years now, and these problems should have subsided by now shouldn't they?

There are times when progress seems to be made, but then once what was wanted is obtained, we're behind square one. I've with-held rewards for longer and longer periods when I noticed this pattern, and even that hasn't worked.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you



tamz's picture
tamz

My son had the same pattern and by the time he was 16, he stole my car three times. I finnally sent him to live with his father (maybe you should consider that) and this week, he stole his fathers car, drove it drunk and was arrested. I think you should spend the time and money to send your child to a counselor or psychologist. Maybe some steady counseling would help. How does he/she do in school???

Tuppence's picture
Tuppence

we tried councilling for 2 years, it didn't have any positive effect on the situation :(

Grades are good, and my child is wonderful everywhere else but at home.

It's good to hear how well my child behaves elsewhere, I just wish I could see the same child everyone else does.