heatherandleo's picture
heatherandleo

Father returning after 18 years

We are a recently married couple who have been together 3 years. I have an 11 year old son and an 18 year old daughter. We are a strong family and my children treat my husband as there father and he treats them as his own children. My daughter has never known her biological father since he left before she was born. Recently, with my help, she has just got in touch with her biological father, we have always been honest with her about him and encouraged her to find him when the time was right.We are pleased and happy for her that she has found him.

Unfortunately as her mum as I am struggling to cope with lots of feelings that I didn't expect to have, I am happy for her but I am also angry, resentful, tearful and scared, I feel like I have brought her up for 18years and he walks in and gets the good bits,he has told her he wants a relationship and he is glad she got in touch,they are now discussing meeting up.

He has apologized to her for not being there saying he was scared. He has also made a comment about me saying that I had done something all them years ago that made him bitter towards me but he wont say what it is because he doesn't want to bad mouth me,unfortunately if he wont say what I am supposed to have done or said I cannot reply to his accusation. This has totally upset me and I feel like I am backed into a corner with no way of defending myself.

Any advice or comments which would help me deal with this would be greatly appreciated.



mayamay's picture
mayamay
Don't try to compete with him--you've already won. He's guilty of abandoning the two of you, you know it, he knows it, and your daughter knows it. She'll figure it out, sooner or later.