MomB's picture
MomB

Daughter's friend troubles

I'm looking for advice on how to help my almost 12 year old daughter through a problem with two friends who do not get along. Friend "A" called my daughter the other day and asked my daughter if friend "H" had been talking about her and telling lies. My daughter told "A" about a story "H" shared at school. "A" told her parents a greatly embellished version of the story and confronted "H's" parents. My daughter insists "H" said the things my daughter shared, which "H" denies. "A" denies embellishing the story which isn't even close to what was said. "A" goes to a different school now and my daughter doesn't see her much, but she is in almost constant contact with "H" in a small private school and on several sports teams. How do I help her work through this with them and me with the parents?



acitez's picture
acitez

I think that your daughter should apologize to A for answering her question. What people do or do not say about you should not be passed on to anyone, even you. She could have said that yes, H has said some things, but I don't believe them and I don't pass them on. (Of course, I hope that your daughter had not taken part in the gossip.)

This is the kind of drama that goes on all the time. I remember learning that I not only did not have to share gossip, I didn't even have to listen. Now, on the rare occasion that I need to, I say "If that was any of my business, I'd already know it."

My 12 year old daughter and I just had a little chat about gossip about a week ago. I helped her understand that if somebody is telling you in order that you will feel superior to someone else, it is gossip.

MomB's picture
MomB

My daughter and I had a long talk about what happened. She felt that she was supposed to tell the truth when friend A asked her the question. I explained to her that some things are better left unsaid, especially since she didn't believe what friend H said. I asked her if she remembered playing the game telephone and how different a statement becomes as it's passed from one person to the next. This is exactly what happened. She talked to both friends and it appears that things are going to be okay now. I'm not looking forward to the next few years with all the drama.