tommyboy049's picture
tommyboy049

Dad with young adult advice needed.

My son is 19 and just finished first year of college, he goes full time nights. I got custody of him before his senior year of high school. He is a very good young adult and has always been a good kid all his life. We have a very good relationship and always have. He is Manager of a local fast food place in town, ya I know, 19 and already Manager, told you he is a good young adult all around. I don't like some of the friends he is now hanging around with for various reasons which I will not get into since it has nothing to do with my question but he is an adult and hope he makes the right decisions with some guidance from me. He has allot of money saved and has always been a good saver, I will just say he has enough to buy a new car cash but not the one he wants. He is saving up to buy this car cash which at the time when he is ready to buy and if he gets 0% interest I will give him some fatherly advice. My question is now, I think it ready for him to chip in on the living expenses, after all he is an adult and I think it will teach him it's not free to live and also teach him how to manage his savings vs. spending vs. living expenses, he is spending allot more then saving lately. This will also free up some of my money so I can enjoy more of life then I am already, money is kind of tight for me right now. About 6 months after he graduated high school I had him pay for 1/2 the cell bill, later 1/2 the propane bill (winter only usually) and lastly 1/2 the electric in that order over the last year. Paying 1/2 the electric stopped him from leaving the door open, heat up to high and stuff (good lesson #1). Now I think it ready for him to chip in with some of the other living expenses. I have been thinking about this for a couple months now but not sure how to go about it or if I really even should. Any advice in this matter would be appreciated



2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

How is your son is paying for college? If he is paying for it himself or has loans in his own name that he will eventuallly have to pay back himself, then what he is already contributing to the household is sufficient. If you are paying, or he is on a scholarship that does not have to be repaid, then he could contribute more to the household.

What you should take into consideration is the possibility that he may decide to live away from home if you expect him to pay more. My son lived with me for his first 3 years of college when he was going to his University located at the local community college. He paid for his and my car insurance, all of his own expenses, and some groceries. He also managed a local restaurant full time and ate most of his meals there. (He brought home so much pizza that 10 years later my daughter and I still do not eat at that particular restaurant.) Having him at home with us for those 3 "extra" years was delightful. At his master's graduation dinner he stated he knew he would not have made it so far if he had not been able to stay at home, not have the added expense of room and board, or any negative distractions for those crucial years.

Your son sounds like a wonderful son. Take all the circumstances into consideration and then broach the subject to him in a way that he will realize that you enjoy having him in your home. Two of my son's 3 roommates, when he did go away and got an apartment near the main campus, left home under unfavorable circumstances. They had a more difficult adjustment and were less than responsible as a result. Just letting you know some of the possibilities which may or may not apply to your situation with your son. Contratulations on him successfully completing his first year while working full time. You must be very proud of him and shows you are a supportive parent!

tommyboy049's picture
tommyboy049

What he does not have in grants I have already paid and will continue doing so throughout his college years as long as I am able to. He has no other bills right now execpt the ones I give him which come to about $90 a month. Money is tight for me but I can make it if it means that it will effect his future. I would like to free up some of my own pay check and at the same time give him lessons on what life cost in the real world. He has the income now and I just see him spending it lately on, well, things that I don't agree on. I have told him my concerns and we can talk about just about anything, just having a problem how to approach this one or even if I should.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

In that case, the lessons you seek to teach your son are appropriate. Let him know what portion of the expenses you would like him to share and your reasons for your expectations. Nothing in life is free and he is an adult and as such should pay his part. Good luck!

Only2boys's picture
Only2boys

For the reasons you state to teach your son, I'd say that maybe you could ask him to chip in with his college tuition bills. Ask him to contribute so much money towards school per month or semester.

He does sound very responsible holding down a management position and going to college full time as well.

If you are concerned about his friends he hangs around then talk to him now, especially if you have an open communication line with him that you value. He needs your guidance and for you to be honest with him.

Good luck.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

First of all, I think you've done a great job raising a responsible young man. Good for you. I wld talk to your son about the financial situation, and together, you can work out what amount of money you both feel is fair for him to chip in. As for college, your son can always get a loan, or financial aid, if he qualifies. Based on how you describe your son, it sounds like he wld be happy to help out. You shldn't feel bad about asking for him to chip in. When I was his age, I paid my way through college and also contributed what I cld towards our household expenses. This will teach him responsibility later on. It will also give him the confidence he needs, knowing how to manage his money, when he finally moves out on his own. Good job, Dad!