unsureaboutparenting's picture
unsureaboutparenting

Children still sleeping in the bed with dad

I have recently started staying over my boyfriends place alot more recently and I am struggling to fall asleep due to the anxiety issues. I am constantly anxious about falling asleep due to the fear of finding his twin boys awake ready to hop into the bed with him. They have recently turned 9 and they both have their own security and anxiety issues due to the stressful time of their father and mother still going through court for the last 16 months. I understand that it is a difficult time for them both but Jerome constantly gets up almost every night in the middle of the night wanting to sleep the rest of the night with dad. Jay still wets the bed, gets stressed easily and gets sick very often. So when Jay wets the bed, can't fall asleep or is sick he wants to sleep with dad. Also when one twin has realised the other has disappeared into dad's bed the other will follow. This is fine with me normally when I am not there because they are stressed out but when I stay over and they wake up to be only rejected by their dad to sleep with him, I am afraid they will hate me even more due to the inconsistency of only being allowed to sleep with dad when I am not there. More importantly I don't think we will ever have alone time due to the kids not being able to self soothe to sleep. I have brought up the issue with him and he feels that it is necessary to keep it the way it is so they feel comfortable with the stressful time and that they are feeling loved. Plus he has told me that they have always done that before he split up with her so it feels normal to them. I am unsure that my concerns are real or they are just nonsense due to me not having children myself.