MyDilemma's picture
MyDilemma

Breaking Up Before Baby Is Born ?

Hi, this is my first post here - Let me give you a brief

-Girl is in her 9th month of pregnancy (36 Weeks )
-Unplanned Pregnancy
- We have been together over a year in including time of pregnancy
- Our issue is too much arguing , not even loving since she's been pregnant
- I stood and still standing right by her side with this pregnancy , I've experienced the first trimester sickness, weight gain lol and been to all the prenatal care appointments and including any hospital visits to check on the baby when we were worried about something.

- I am a true man willing and ready to become a father and never plan to give up supporting my baby or my baby's mother.

1 thing about our relationship : Love like never before , and we both agreed that our relationship was strong with a spark (maybe too much spark)

About Me:
I am a 20 year old male about to start my senior year of college.
Now I work a 40+ job which I may have to cease once school starts or find a alerting schedule.
Currently I have been living with my current girlfriend who is my babymother for a while now.
Anything that she needs I try to get if I have the money / time.
This is my first born , and it will be a baby boy !

About Her:
She is a 22 year old female, highschool graduate. No college.
Plans to get her cosmetology license somewhere in future.
She has worked minimum wage jobs like me , but at times doesn't seem too money motivated.
Doesn't always think about the consequences of her actions , and has a mind of her own as she and her mother will tell you.

She already has a 5 year old son, and he's ultimately disrespectful, sneaky and has a mouth and is sly . I mean he's a good kid and he's 5 and I understand kids ain't always the best of saints but I've been around plenty of 5 year olds... Maybe it's because of the absence of his father - but since months he had another stepfather and had males in his life such as family and now me. Recently he snuck out the house two times during the time I was away and my girlfriend was sleep in which he was sleep too but woke up and left, mind you he's five - he does things he's not suppose to do and always goes against what's said if you don't notice then ways running, bouncing spinning uncontrollably and really has no control over himself I noticed and did a lot of research and he has all the symptoms and what not of a ADD/ADHD child / adult - I've personally known people with this illness and no, not everybody is alike.

But it's going to be a tough deal with a child who doesn't listen and a newborn , the mother has to repeatedly holler and hell at him daily, maybe not all the time but daily. Yet again he's a kid so you can understand , but what we don't understand is that he does a lot of extra things that kids normally don't do or not suppose to do.

About Us:
We had the best relationship ( that "damn y'all still together?" ) type relationship. We never missed spending a night together till recently ( I work overnight now). Our sex life was great too (now I can't really do much with my baby head down and she being 3.5cm dialated) Our love has been great all the way until the second trimester then things started going downhill. Not as worse as it is now , but I could tell things weren't always going right. Any little arguments we got passed that and worked on it - however I understand that pregnancies makes a hormonal reaction out of women that is over the top , and that these hormones are at the root of troubled couples throughout the pregnancy. However hormones are not always at fault. Yet they play a big factor because the most recent arguments have been worse: such as blowing up in a laundrymat for putting bleach in a load of white clothes that contained a few pieces of mine...

And lately she's been complaining that all I do is sleep too much during the day - I work a 40 hour plus work week whether it's 5 days or 6 days Sunday Nights Thru Thursday Nights . Going in at 10 pm and working till morning at 7 , and I get home around 8 or 9 o clock AM. And it somewhat takes a toll on me - but I'm a college student so getting 5 hours of sleep in use too - of course sometimes with some enhancing additives such as energy drinks and five hour energies which I don't consume that often. But I feel like she doesn't understand the demand that work and school will require.

She claims she feels like I'm trying to put a the responsibility of the baby on her once it comes. And I explained to her a majority of the motherly nurturing / and attending to the baby will of course fall on you if I'm away at work and school . Especially if I'm bringing the money home and going to school to try and ensure a better life for her and my child, she's doesn't seem to comprehend that. She acts like any free time I get is going to go to partying and not with my baby. There is no partying for me anymore! My free time will be dedicated to sleep, schoolwork (studying, projects) and of course playing and taking care of my son when I can.

But even my current situation sometimes I can't get the sleep I want too either the 5 year is old ripping and running or she's hollering at him or me. That ain't cool and she can't seem to understand that.

Now our relationship is disintegrated, and in a million pieces like a puzzle with the puzzling face - where did we go wrong ?

My Dilemma - Recently we've looked and been approved for a apartment down here where we both currently reside near me school - A 2d bedroom. One room for us and the baby , and the other for her five year old.

-However we just keep arguing , she keeps reminding me if how she doesn't wanna be with me no more etc but everyday it's different some days it's us telling each other how much we love each other etc etc. Then on that same day it could go very sour to very loud arguments. We decided we want this apartment , but now there's really nothing except drama between us.. And yesterday she told me she's not moving with me, she's told me that before but now the way things been going I don't think I want to mov with her either. We still lay together , tell each other we love you etc and seem cool... But the inside of this relationship is torn apart . And I hate it has to be this way because whenever I had a child I told myself all I wanted was my family to be under one roof, but I don't think that's possible no more . We get into it too much with one another.

I'm 20, in school and working - it's already enough stress dealing with our relationship issues and a 5 year old that really doesn't listen. So imagine a newborn in the mix. Should I or the newborn suffer the consequences being all under one roof ? Me a tired, wore down hardworking college student and a stressed crying baby boy listening to the yelling voices of his parents - I don't want that , but I want my child to have his real father in his life which I will be but it makes it less fatherly I believe if you not in the same house as the baby I don't know. I will always see him as much as possible and supporting him.

**** One time me, my girl and her son went back to our original home to visit - I had to come back for school and whatnot , and she stayed extra to attend a wedding - she stayed about a week longer than I did - and when she returned she told me I looked younger.... And then I noticed I really did look younger ! Do you think that I experience that much stress from a woman that being a week away from her made my appearance appear more fresh and alive than weary and tired ?

- I know that in general things become better or back to how they was in the beginning of the relationship after the baby is born , but times running out I need to move now - I can no longer see myself signing into a one year lease in which I feel entrapped and boggled down. Who knows ? Maybe upon me getting out if school we could probably get back together as one.

- I've been praying to The Lord above me for signs and guidance but couldn't really see too clear until recently my old dorm suitemate text me in a group text to people saying he was looking for a spot and this was out the blue at such timing , mind you he's a college student too. I've known him now for 3 years and he's a Roomate I wouldn't mind -

Should I move with my babymother to enjoy our baby together but possibly be overloaded by stress and a unhappy relationship , or take a break from the relationship And do things from a distance.

Life is an enigma, and this is my dilemma and I'm reaching out to whoever can give insight from experience and or opinion etc.

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply - your help is much needed.