ewmsu's picture
ewmsu

adjusting to middle school

My 6th grader is have anxiety issues at middle school.  The first 4 weeks were great.  The past two weeks have been awful.  She is an A student and has maintained her grades, however, she cries at school, calls home, has stomach ache, hurting in chest, etc.  The dr. says it is anxiety for some reason.  She swears no one is bothering her.  She likes school but has a hard time focusing.  The only thing that happened between week 4 and 5 is that we had a sudden death in the family.  She is concerned that she has inherited heart disease.  I have taken her to the dr and she is perfectly healthy.  Has anyone gone through this with their child during middle school?  I need help!!

ewmsu



sandyintn's picture
sandyintn

 unfortunately, one of my daughters had this issue, but she had the stomach aches, etc. during elementary school as well...

She is an active learner, not a sit-in-your-seat studious child like my first two girls, and I believe that she was labeled in kindergarten and never allowed to succeed. She was a slow reader and the work of school never came easily to her. I struggled and felt tormented over it for 6 years! Finally, I pulled her out and home-schooled her for 7th and 8th grade. I would like to say that this changed her and she became an academic achiever - it did not.  BUT it did give me and her some time together, to spend more time on reading skills, working slower together on the areas that were harder for her... We participated in a weekly coop so one day a week, she went to two classes with other kids - Latin and Chemistry - and we also joined with this group to go on field trips, skating parties, laser tag, etc. The only reason that she can endure school today (she is junior in high school) is because she is a social butterfly and she has tons of friends.
*I did provide many coping mechanisms for her during these dark & difficult days --- she had a list of my phone numbers to call, I wrote her notes each day, some days I packed a special lunch and we talked about what fun thing she would be doing at school that day, I helped her with her work and tried to give her confidence in herself... 
I had many meetings with teachers and principals during this time also. I had to fight for my daughter, and insist that she be treated fairly...
Once teachers think you have a problem child, they too easily shuffle them off to the side so they can focus on their star pupils. Logically, I understand that they have so many kids and just a certain amt of time in the day - but I am my child's advocate and if there is a problem, I am going to investigate and find out what/how/where/why - and if it is in my power, I will do something about it.
We have our kids for such a short amount of time - and then they are off into the world. The world is a harsh place, and sometimes school is harsh too - they need to learn how to negotiate if there are bullies, which unfortunately could involve teachers - but our kids need to know that we love them and believe in them, that it is not dependent on their performance, and just be there.
She may be extra clingy because of the death, but death is also a part of life. As time passes, maybe she will  be able to share her feelings more easily about the death and that would also help her anxiety.
I do not know if any of this helps you - I do not have much advice, just know that you are not alone.