amyers0112's picture

6 year old daughter will not wear girl clothing

My six year old daughter will not wear any type of girl clothing. We argue every morning before school about what she is going to wear. Should I back off or go buy only girl clothing and make her wear it? I need help!! This really bothers me for some reason. THANK YOU.

eastkynana's picture

Why are you arguing with a 6 year old?  That is your first mistake. You are the parent, she is the child, you make the decisions and that is it. 

On the other hand, how girly are the clothes you prefer?  Have you gone to he school and looked at what is the norm for children her age?  If you prefer frills and bows and lace and the other little girls are wearing t-shirts and jeans, you may be making her feel wierd. 

If this isn't the situation, then what you have is a power struggle where she is going to see if she is the boss, or if you are.  Do not argue with a child, be the boss that you are SUPPOSED to be, but be a sensible one.  When you are the boss, both you and your child win.

amyers0112's picture

I am not asking for pink, sparkly, frilly stuff. I am just asking for no BOY clothes. And no I don't buy them other family members do. Do I argue with my elders? Bluejeans and t-shirts(without monster trucks, spiderman, superman, pirates, etc.) would be nice. 

susanc's picture

As a mother of a "tom-boy",I know what you are dealing with. Yes, you are the boss, but you also dont want a miserable child.We compromised.Pink girl top with black cargo boy pants. Pink laces with black gym shoes.We picked out the outfits together. Somewhere along the line she decided to dress more like the girls in her class, and the ''tom- boy'' days are over. good luck!

sandyintn's picture

If there are things in her wardrobe that YOU do not feel are appropriate, then remove them - regardless of who bought them, pack them up and put them in your closet or storage, or donate to goodwill or something.

My children are older, so I have most recently been dealing with bra straps or midriffs showing, so it can get worse. The easiest way I have found to handle clothing is to never let it get into the house. However, I have to tell you, there are going to be much bigger issues as she gets older. You need to decide what is going to be more important to you --- choose your battles carefully, but once you decide, then make that choice clear and stick with it. Good luck.
mader's picture

I empathize with you bec. right now this is my "struggle" with my 7 year old daughter. I am also looking for help about this so I am reading a book by Tedd Tripp "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and his premise is that we need to reach the child's heart and not just be satisfied with the outward behavior.

Farawyn's picture

My 8 year old son's best friend is a girl. She has been his best friend since age 2. She is an athletic girl who wears baseball and hockey shirts every day. Her Mom is frustrated but has decided not to fight this. She used to wear boy pants, but now she is starting to curve a bit and boy pants are no longer comfortable, so she wears girl pants, but still no pink.

I'm sure age will change her, but if it doesn't, it doesn't. She is a nice, nurturing, sweet girl and there are so many girls of that age who want designer clothes, purses and cell phones-yes, at age 8!  This girl can't be bothered with that stuff.

lpotter's picture

I agree with sandyintn.  Draw the line on the things that are absolute no-nos, such as spaghetti straps and bare tummies.  Decide if this is one of those absolute no-nos.  Personally, my daughter considered herself a tom-boy and refused to wear dresses and pink.  I decided that this wasn't a problem as long as what she did wear was appropriate.  Now that she is 11, she chooses to wear skirts sometimes because she sees other girls wearing them.  In my opinion, let your daughter wear what she wants.  She will most likely change her mind in the not-too-distant future.'s picture

I am so glad that we have compulsory school uniforms in Australia! There are never any arguments about what is or isn't appropriate to wear to  school. Maybe you could try an alternative "school uniform". Take your daughter shopping and buy some "school clothing" that you can agree upon. Allow your daughter to choose her own clothing to wear to school from her "school clothing" only. Hopefully this will lead to fewer arguments. Try not to worry too much about girls/boys clothes at this age, as some children are still exploring gender roles. Maybe "boys" clothes are just more comfortable or practical if she is an active child. Why don't you ask her?

rambaby's picture

You should buy her some girl clothes and tell her to wear them. Tell your elders not to be buying so many boy clothes and just start buying her more girl clothes. But, if this doesn't work then let her wear boy clothes. She might change and she might not. She has the right to express herself and as the mother you should support that.

mcolacino's picture

For the past few weeks, my 4year old daughter (only child at this point) has been telling me and her father that she wants to be a boy.

Specifically, she wants to wear Spiderman clothing and has shown a great interest in toy cars and other boy toys. We were visiting her cousins back East and she played with her boy cousins, much to the disappointment of her girl cousins.

Maybe I am overreacting but could she already be having ideas about whether she should be a girl or boy? Do I have a future lesbian on my hands? I have told her that she was born a girl but I have bought her some toy cars and some Spiderman stuff (no clothes, though. Gotta draw the line).

Other times, she tells me she wants to be a baby again and will actually get very upset. She doesn't want to be a "big girl." It is upsetting to see her so unhappy and I am concerned that she feels this way at such a young age.

Anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks in advance.