marywest's picture
marywest

what can i do with a FATHER like that ?

hello,

i am crying now.people who read my previous post(FEAR OF DEATH)know about my problem

all of my try was overcome my depression and all of my dream was a vaction with my mother next month but my FATHER ruined it today

my sister and her family live in another city .she has a disabled daughter (15 years old) so she never come to our town .my FATHER never go and meet them .after 1 year loneliness in home without vacation or party or..my mother and i like every year want to go and meet them but my father today told us he will not let us go anymore

PLEASE ,need your help very soon

what can i do,i will depress again ,i need vacation,i miss my sister and her kids

i cant tolerate my father anymore

thank you for reading this



concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Hi marywest,
Does your father live w/ you? Also, why is he forbidding you to see your sister and her family? Why does he have such a strong hold over you and your mother? If you want to see your family, you have every right. Your father can't stop you from doing that. As for your fear of becoming depressed again, I think now you shld definitely seek counceling. You expressed your anxieties before in another post, and I remember you saying you were feeling better. That was all after taking a vacation. Now you want to take a another vacation, and you're afraid if you don't, you may get depressed again. I know that you desperately want to see your sister and her family. That makes sense. However, the fact that you're getting so upset over it, is a whole different story. You are a grown woman, and as long as you have the means to do so, you can see your family, regardless of what your father says. It just concerns me that you're getting all worked up over this. It also worries me that you feel you need to "get away" from your problems. I remember saying in your last post, "fear of death", that if after your vacation your anxieties resurface, you shld see a therapist. Running away may distract you from your problems temporarily, but it will not solve them. By all means, visit your sister. However, when you return, take my advice and see a therapist. Even if for peace of mind, it's worth it.

marywest's picture
marywest

hi again
this is my first vacation in this year , i didnt go to vacation before i just tried to feel better and one of my hope for that was this vacation.I live with my father and mother ,my mother is housewife and i dont have job yet.my father dont give us money for vacation.
anyway THANK YOU very much for your answers to my posts
i posted this problem because i need talk to someone

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Hi again,
Sorry. I guess I misunderstood from your last post, "fear of death". Looking back, on 5/25/08, you wrote that you were feeling better after the results of your MA exam. You also stated that you were planning a vacation in the next month. Then on 6/28, you stated that you did it. That you came back and you had overcome your negative feelings. When you said you came back, I assumed you meant from the vacation you were planning that month. Ok, so now we know this current vacation you speak of, to visit your sister and her family, will be your first vacation this summer. Is there any way you can postpone the vacation until you get a job, save up some money, then take the trip? If the vacation's that important to you, get a summer job--anything--just to earn some money. This way you're not locked into a permanent job that will be hard to get away from once you start. Save up as much money as you can (this shldn't be too difficult since you're living at home). Then take the trip w/ your mom. I think it wld be a good thing for you both. After that, focus on getting yourself a permanent job. This is important b/c it sounds like your father has control over your life right now, and you need to build an independent life for yourself. Also, I think since your anxieties have resurfaced, w/ or w/out vacation, you need to get yourself into therapy. Make sure the job you get has benefits that will cover the expense of this therapy. I think talking to a professional w/ experience in anxiety/depression will make a big difference for you. You may or may not need medication to help you cope w/ your feelings, I don't know. That is for a dr to determine. But, do yourself a favor. See a dr, and get help for yourself. Why worry yourself about it and always question your life and the choices you make? I think once you motivate yourself to do these things, your life will start falling into place. This shld be a fun time for you. You're fresh out of school, you're meeting new people, and the doors are open to many new and exciting possibilities for you. Try not to get overwhelmed. Take things one step at a time. Eventually, you will find the happiness you deserve. Be patient, stay focused on your goals, and just try.