Riniel's picture
Riniel

I feel like I am going insane!

I literally feel like I am going insane. I am 28 and 23 weeks pregnant with my first, and I think I will actually lose my mind before I give birth.

I have been having horrible dreams about violent things, sometimes even have violent thoughts during the day. Thing I would NEVER do, like one day my cats were being mean to each other and this thought popped into my head about putting the cat in the microwave, my brain actually visualized doing the action. I wound up puking my stomach out several moments later because it upset me that much. I can't even watch Animal Planet most of the time because people being mean to animals really gets to me. My cats are really spoiled, they are treated very well by me and my spouse and I would never intentionally hurt them.

Tonight, while making dinner my husband said something, it was meant to be funny and was in no way insulting or anything to even bat an eyelash at, but I got very angry and I grabbed his arm and shook him and started to yell at him. I have NEVER been mean to him before or grabbed him in any manner like I did tonight, and it is terrifying me. My husband excused the action immedately, saying he wasn't hurt and it was just the hormones that made me so angry. He hugged and kissed on me and asked if I needed anything. He is always sweet. I am not a violent person in the least. I don't watch violent movies, I don't watch the news, I avoid everything like this because it makes me nervous and upset to see things like this and to know some people get enjoyment out of watching shows with murder and violence. Any blood or guts, even raw meats (I am a vegetarian) make me puke and dry heave!

This is the first time I have directed it towards my husband, but the dreams and thoughts are always there. It is making me think I am going insane. No sane person has these thoughts. I know I never had them before I was pregnant. Basically I just don't know what to do. Is this all normal stuff? Should I start seeing a shrink? I really do not want to be given any sort of medication. What if I do lose my mind (or I am in the process?) and do something horrible like the things in my dreams? Is that possible or is it all just due to being pregnant?



stephrwallace's picture
stephrwallace
Fortunately (or unfortunately, however you choose to look at it), this happens a lot in pregnancy. Your psyche has a way of working things out in a really messed up way. Hormones also have a lot to do with it. I know that since being pregnant this time (this is my 4th baby, 5th pregnancy) I have had really insane dreams. These dreams range from my boyfriend cheating on me and me banging his head into the side of a pool, to my dad running for political office and sneaking into someone's house to beat them up while I stood watch). I've also had some crazy violent tendancies. I don't ever raise my voice or freak out about anything, but I sure did about a month ago. I scared myself; so, I talked to my doctor. She said I was nervous about the pregnancy, my hormones were out of whack, and I just needed to take a little time for myself. I suggest you do the same. You aren't going insane. You're just temporarily unadjusted <3