mmartinez's picture
mmartinez

sex and drugs, need advice

My niece is 14yrs old and has been caught having sex and using drugs..she sneaks out of the house and has even run away from her grandmother. Her mom is not around and her dad is in Iraq (he will be gone for the next year). She has moved from one grandparent to the next, to her aunt and now to her last grandparent (my dad). What can he do to set her on the right path? He has only seen her a handful of times her entire life, she doesn't know us, so she probably won't have respect for his rules. Help!!



grammolo's picture
grammolo

I'm so sorry, for you and your family, as the road will not be fun.  Your dad is brave for trying to help as a grandparent.  I'm a grandma and we just lived through a similar situation.  If you are able to get professional help, and have the patience for the falls off the wagon, you may be okay. Start with your church, and local drug councelors.  Please understand, this child may have had something really bad happen to her, which you are not aware of, or she is not willing to face.You can't do this alone, and it can't be done until your niece is ready to try.  She is the one who has to want to change. Love, patience, information regarding, drugs, will help.  I will pray for your family.  My site is www.grammology.com  Regards, Grammy

erica's picture
erica

MY HUSBAND AND I TOOK IN 3 CHILDREN AND FED THEM AND MADE THEM FEEL WANTED. BUT THE OLDEST ONE USED US AND RAN OFF WITH HER ESTRANGED DAD FROM ANOTHER STATE ONLY TO END UP PREGNANT.

BEST WORDS OF ADVICE, TEACH THEM BY EXAMPLE, SHOW THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM REGARDLESS, AND "BIRTH-CONTROL/CONDOMS"

(HAVE A DAY OUT OF BONDING AND THEN TAKE HER TO AN OUTREACH CLINIC/ HEALTH DEPARTMENT- HAVE THEM SHOW A VIDEO OF SEXUAL DISEASES AND WHAT DRUG USE AFTER A FEW YEARS LOOKS LIKE)  IT IS ENOUGH TO SCARE ANYONE. 

GOOD LUCK AND NEVER GIVE UP - CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE.

nanlisa's picture
nanlisa

Teach your children that all sex outside of marriage is wrong. Along with artificial forms of birth control, it is clearly against the teachings of both the Bible and the Roman Catholic Church.

When I was growing up, my mother always told me not to have sex until I was married. Birth control, safe sex, and condoms are not the answer; abstinence is. The only form of birth control that the Catholic Church allows is the rythym method/Natural Family Planning.

If young people today stay pure and virgins until they're married, we wouldn't have all of these sexually transmitted diseases, as well as having to go on the Maury Povich show to get a paternity test just to find out who your child's father is.

Stay pure until marriage. That's the bottom line. After all, God's way is still the best way.

Teach your ch

hownaive's picture
hownaive

Your niece needs help in the form of lots of adult relative friendships and professional adult counseling. I have a student the same age that I adore who has a similar situation. Except she never knew her dad (no one knows where he is) or mom (died of a drug overdose soon after leaving jail) and her grandmother that was raising her died suddenly when she was little and she and her two half-brothers were left to be raised by her great uncle, no mother figure around. She seems to be very greatful for any adult attention she gets. She loves to take photos, so we go downtown to take photos. She goes to a counselor who is trying to help her and she really appreciates that counselor. She is a very appreciative young lady and I know not all will be like that, but if you are strong and consistent you may see that eventually she will be very appreciative of your attention or the attention of any other adult who shows an interest in spending time with her. She is ready to learn to be a responsible adult. She just needs guidance and a lot of patience.  As for your choice of religious rules, its probably a little late for that for her. You need to give her more practical advice. The catholic abstinence rules mentioned didn't seem to work with too many of my relatives, even though they went to church every week. Some, but definitely not others (I have a lot of relatives). You can expose her to your religion, but I wouldn't depend on her buying into it unless she is already religious (doesn't sound like it). Time to be practical. Give her practical, realistic advice about sex and responsibility once she is comfortable with talking to you.