kevinh's picture
kevinh

I need advice

My son is 10 years old, he's a nice polite boy. The problem is he is very critical of himself. The other day at his little league game he struck out. The two batters before him both struck out. He walked into the dugout crying, he cried the whole time he was in the field. I feel so frustrated, I could care less if he strikes out or misses a fly abll. I just want him to have fun. What can I say or do to get him to lighten up and just play to have fun. Basketball season was the same way, he cried after just about every practice and game. In his mind he was the only player who didn't score, the only player to commit a turnover or foul. I know Im very over protective of him, I just want him to be happy. I guess I'm over compensating for my childhood and I don't want him to be like me. Should I go talk to a professional, should I take him? Should I just let whatever happens happen. I really would feel bad if the other kids started making fun of him. Somebody please help. I really don't know what to do.



nibbiesmom's picture
nibbiesmom

hi
just a question. is there anyone in your family or circle of friends that your son really looks up to. If so maybe you could get them to talk to your son about an incident where they really made a mess or felt bad about something they did. Get the person to tell your son that everyone is not perfect it's about if you don't suceed the first time try again. tell him the story of thomas eddison ( or some other inventor) and tell him about how many times he had to try and try again until he discover the light bulb???(if i am not mistaken) show him that people who are famous didn't get things on the first try either and that it's ok to make mistakes and to struggle if you learn from it and get back out there and keep trying
i don't know if this will work or if this what you need but i hope it helps good luck

Jothegrill's picture
Jothegrill

Does he seem to enjoy sports most of the time? Maybe it just isn't his thing. Ask him if he wants to do other things instead of team sports.

anonymom's picture
anonymom

My son is almost 11 and has always been hard on himself though we
have made huge progress.  We continue to reiterate sportsmanship
and how your attitude impacts the team.  I make a special point to
talk about things that don't go right for me and other family
members.  I am a tennis player and I am quick to talk about my
flaws and losses explaining my good attitude through it all.  My
husband coached my children for years and we discovered my son was less
likely to react negatively on the field if his dad wasn't
coaching.  My husband is a wonderful coach but sometimes it is
tough to coach your own kids. As my son matures, we see less and less
of this behavior.  Good Luck!!

kim's picture
kim

my son has the same kind of reaction to dissapointments . he suffers from add , anxiety , and depretion. I have just recently got him set up with a big brother program called friend 2 freind . i am hoping that through try trry again method that he learns to accept that we all need to practice and practice. he also goes to a therepist to help him through this selfassteam problem .my husband also suffers from a personalety dissorder and my son shows the same femilar sings. 

erica's picture
erica

I WAS ALWAYS HARD ON MYSELF AND I HAVE FOUND THAT MY CHILDREN ARE TOO. I THINK IT IS FROM BEING AN INTROVERT,  WE HAVE A HARD TIME DEALING WITH PEOPLE'S RESPONSES AND WE DWELL ON WHAT OTHER'S THINK.

JUST DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT, AND THEY WON'T EITHER. ALWAYS ASK "DID YOU HAVE FUN?  AND REPLY "GREAT, I AM GLAD- I ENJOYED WATCHING YOU"

MY SON IS VERY CRITICAL OF HIMSELF,AS I AM. SO THE ONLY THING I SAY - ARE POSITIVE THINGS.  (AND HE GETS OVER IT PRETTY QUICK) "HE IS MAINLY LOOKING FOR A RESPONSE AND WHEN HE REALIZES THAT I AM PROUD  (NO MATTER) HE LOOKS AT THE NEXT GAME WITH MORE CONFIDENCE.

P.S. I HAVE NEVER BEEN ATHLETIC, BECAUSE OF FEAR OF DISAPPOINTING SOMEONE>>>AND THAT'S THE LAST THING YOU EVER WANT.

Cristi555's picture
Cristi555

The last response (before mine) was the best. I teach my kids that they have one job in life: to be the best person they can be. My job as their mom: to help them be the best person they can be. Explain these jobs to your son. Explain that to be the best person he can be, he has to figure out for himself (at 10, he should definitely be able to do this) how to have fun. Ask him if he is critical of himself so that no one else can be. If that is the case, let him know that it's not OK to do that. Explain that part of being the best person he can be is learning how to let go and have fun, and be himself and not worry about what everyone else thinks of HIM. He is way too focused on himself and not at all on anyone else. Show him that. Bring the discussion into other aspects of his life. Show him both sides of it. When he gets critical of himself, remind him that it's not okay and ask him to rephrase what he is saying in a way that demonstrates he cares about his team or other people.