tmcox66's picture
tmcox66

how to deal with children far apart in age

hi I'm new to the board, I need some suggestions for dealing with my 3 children who are 5 years apart in age. I have 2 boys, 14 and 9 and a girl 4, and when they're together in the house it's almost always chaos! For example the youngest likes to hit her older brothers or throw tantrums if she doesn't get her way, and the oldest likes to tease his younger brother which usually ends up in bickering back and forth despite my numerous requests to stop. I try to be fair and equitable in disciplining them but it can be so difficult at times.  Any suggestions on how I can get them to enjoy each other's company, and for keeping the peace at home?

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

My 2 boys are very close in age (15 mos apart). My oldest is 5, and my youngest just turned 4. I wanted to have another baby, and still sometimes get the itch, but my husband is the one that doesn't want any more children. I tried to get him to compromise w/ a dog, but he doesn't want that either. 8-( So, I guess I'm done. You both have to agree on this issue b/c it's a huge deal. If both your hearts aren't fully into the idea, I wldn't have another baby. A baby is a lot of work, as you already know, and it changes everything.
I wldn't be as concerned about the miscarriage. It's natural to worry, but it doesn't mean you can't have another baby. Also, the age thing is not a huge deal either. Think of it this way. Your older children can help take care of the baby. I don't have that luxury, as both of my boys were in diapers at the same time.
There's pros and cons to having kids several yrs apart. I wldn't use that as the reason for not having any more children. If you and your husband want a child, go for it. Some people don't have the choice and maybe can't get pregnant right away. If you haven't had trouble conceiving in the past, then you probably can get pregnant again. You and your husband just have to decide if that's what you want at this time. Good luck!

MEANMOM's picture
MEANMOM

OK FIRST IT IS SOLEY YOURS AND YOUR HUSBANDS DECISION, YOU CAN'T SCREW THINGS UP WITH A BABY UNLESS AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE AN INCOME TO PROVIDE FOR ALL 3 KIDS, AND YOU HAVE GOOD MORALS ECT.... KIDS ARE BLESSINGS NO MATTER IF THEY ARE GREAT OR MISCIEVIOUS OR DOWN RIGHT HATEFUL. MAYBE YOU COULD SAY IF IT HAPPENDS IT HAPPENDS AND GET FIXED AFTER THE 3 CHILD. MINE ARE 14 ,9, AND 6. MY 14 YR OLD HELPS WITH THE LITTLE ONE AND THEY ARE CLOSE MY MIDDLE ONE LIKES TO BE LEFT ALONE BUT THE OTHER 2 PICK ON HER. JUST MAKE SURE IT IS MEDICALLY OK FOR YOU TO BE PREGNANT AGAIN AND WHEN IT IS OK. IF YOU TRULY DON'T WANT ANYMORE KIDS BE HONEST. I WAS MAD AT MY HUSBAND , HE GOT FIXED AND I WANTED A BOY BUT I'M NOT MAD ANYMORE MY 3 GIRLS ARE A HANDFUL TO SAY THE LEAST AND I JUST BORROW MY FRIENDS LITTLE BOYS AND GIVE THEM BACK.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I think the hardest part is starting all over again once you've gotten past the sleepless nights, bottles, baby food and diapers. Also, you're right. You have to consider how a new baby will effect your other children. Will you have to cut back on their activities? Can you give them their fair share of attention? You have to decide what you want, and if you're willing to sacrifice certain things. My husband and I can finally get out more, we can go on vacations w/out worrying about feedings and diaper changes, and we can give our children every bit of our attention now. Other things to consider are cost, your age, your health, your future (do you wish to return to work, and if so, will that be possible for you?),and so forth. Whey the pros and cons. Either way, a baby is a blessing. If you do decide to have another child, I'm sure you'll enjoy every minute of it, even if you have to give up certain things in return. Good luck w/ whatever route you choose.