lee's picture
lee

Help with Wife Issues please :)

Hi all, new to boards.  Not sure where to post for help.  My wife and I have a wonderful 6 month old, first child.  She quit her job during pregnancy.  We are extremely blessed in the financial department, so money is not an issue, although I do have a stressful job, I make my own schedule.  Anyway, the last 3 weeks my wife has been depressed.  She has gained weight (not much, maybe 20 lbs)  from being home eating all day, she can't work out because her knee is hurt (from the weight and carrying the baby all the time).  So she does not want to go out anywhere because she has no clothes that fit and thinks she looks bad.  She complains because every day is the same, playing the same games with our son.  She loves him to death, but I think she is bored and needs adult interaction.  Problem is that she cant take him anywhere because he gets fussy if he is out of the house for a long time.  Her mom babysits a couple of days a week so my wife can run errands, etc.  Anyway, I would love some advice on activities she can do with our son during the day, or parenting groups with other moms, or anytihng I can do to make her happier.  I have never seen her upset during the 5 years of marriage before, and it worries me.  Thanks !!!   -Lee



gsharp's picture
gsharp

Welcome to the wonderful world of parenthood! Your wife sounds like so many other new Moms. You sound as though you are being supportive, good job, Dad!

Your wife is probably feeling a bit isolated, missing out on adult companionship. If she is like so many moms, she wants to be home with the baby but may feel that she isn't doing enough. (Conflicting feelings of guilt)

Does your wife have friends with children or are there any stay at home moms in the neighborhood? If so, they could start their own "Moms Group." Perhaps they can all go walking together, while the weather is nice. Pack up the babies in stollers and go. They might also choose to meet at someones house once a week and have a play day. Children play and moms visit and or do a craft or some scrapbooking. Some local churches also offer a "Mom's Club or Mom's Day out."

If your wife doesn't have a membership at a gym, Curves is a great place to workout! It's just for women, so it's less intimidating and it is low impact (not so hard on the knees.) It's a fun place to workout, but it doesn't offer babysitting. Just be very careful when you mention it to her, you don't want her to think that you are saying, that you think that she is fat. She might enjoy a mommy & baby class usually offered at communiy colleges or community centers. I hope this is helpful for all of you.

Wishing you and your family many blessings,

Gramma of 3

mammycollector's picture
mammycollector

Look in your area and see if there is a NAMI group.  Contact them and see if there is someone who can talk to her.  The weight gain and not doing anything is a big sign of post partum depression.  She at the very least needs to see a counselor.  This is a very serious matter.  Being  involved with nami doesn't mean you're crazy.  And having this depression doesn't mean it either.  It just means her body is not done throwing her hormones back into place.  So this is not something to be ashamed of, has no stigma attached to it.  At the very least, discuss it with her doctor.  I'll be praying for her. 

tgevan's picture
tgevan

I think all woman can relate to your wife after having children.  The best thing for you is to continue to give her compliments of how beautiful she looks, how wonderfull of a mom she is, etc. etc.  She needs your love right now because she needs to know that she is still sexy.
She also needs interaction very soon before it gets worse.  Playgroups like MOPS I think it is get together on a weekly basis and take the kids so they can interact with other mothers to get out. Some of the recreational centers in cities have those groups as well.  She needs to understand that it will get better and she will lose the weight.   Some moms it can take a year or more to lose it.  But in a positive way find out some groups for her so she can get away.  Take her out on a date and let her know how great she is.  Emotions run wild after havig babies your hormones are up and down and awful.  Its great that your looking to help her and this is what she needs because all of us have been there, you have no control over your emotions at times, you feel alone.  I hope this helps.  Let us know how she is doing.