jenkis's picture
jenkis

Angry 6 year old

Please help.  I have an extremely bright 6 year old.  The problem is that she is very aggressive.  She wants attention all the time and keeps asking me if I love her.  She also complains about not having friends at school.  No matter how much I love and cuddle her she does not trust my love.  She lashes out physically at everybody and can be extremely rude.  I am ashamed to say that sometimes I have been so frustrated that I have placed a few smacks on her bottom but this seems to make her more aggressive.  I have a 9 year old who is an absolute angel and my 6 year old is such a bully that she reduces her sister to tears nearly every day.  I try not to intervene when they squabble but then my eldest complains that I do nothing when her sister hits her.  Of course I interfere and then my 6 year old says she hates me and she wishes that she was dead.  Please help!  She is a lovely, intelligent child but her aggressiveness is getting out of control



thatsRich's picture
thatsRich

I have a child the same way, but she is only violent to me... Once when she was with her grandfather and grandmother she hit them both. They didn't talk to her for a month and she has never done it again. People keep telling me that she is mad at me because her father is not around. I am not sure about this because I left her father when she was only 2 months old. Her father had court ordered supervised visitation until she was 5months old then the courts said he could no longer be around her. (YEA!) She never saw him again. I try to keep her really busy but its hard because she is very smart but thinks that everything is boring. She acts like a teenager. I have started to think about taking her to a shrink... How about you?

jenkis's picture
jenkis

Must admit have thought about taking her to a child psychologist.  My one is also very smart and gets bored easily.  She is a very quick learner, brilliant at Maths, grasps new concepts on the turn.  Very fancy tho - likes makeup, walks with a sway to the hips.  I honestly do not know what to make of this.  She can be loving one minute and the next turn into a right real brat.  My one asks me ALL the time whether I love her. 

Shiltz05's picture
Shiltz05

I was curious why you dont intefere when your children are fighting.  I read in a magezine they are supposed to work it out themselves.  I am a mother of 3 small children....my six year old has  developemental delay, and oppositional defiant disorder, he to is very aggresive!  In trouble daily at school.  He has two sisters, they will be 1 and 2 in November.  It would be a blessing if his sisters dont pick up on his habbits.  Thanks Kell

Cristi555's picture
Cristi555

First of all, the sibling issue. As parents, we have to teach our children how to get along, how to negotiate, how to communicate with each other, how to ALL OF IT. They don't come with that knowledge. I am the middle of 3, my parents never interfered unless it came to blows. How inappropriate is that?!!!!! I always felt that they did not care enough about me to help me! I have 3, and by the end of the summer, they are tired of being with each other (human beings are like that, though!). I teach my kids how to use their "I" words (I don't like it when you do that, I feel hurt when you say that, I feel left out . . . . ). I teach them to acknowledge each other (I hear you saying . . . . ., or I get that you want me to . . . . .) I teach them to negotiate with each other (I will do this game with you if you will do that game with me). Under no circumstances is to get to blows (or pinching, or hair pulling, or what ever!) If someone crosses the line, that's my job. They are to let me know immediately so that I can deal with that problem. Disagreements are going to happen, it is just part of life. They know that that is OK, but what makes all the difference is how they deal with them. We are all on the same team with the same goal:to be the best person we each can be. That helps too!

Okay, on to the 6-year olds. Gifted children learn early how to get what they want on an emotional basis. In other words, they learn how to emulate behaviors that will get the reactions they want. You probably don't realize it, but they are manipulating your every move.

When my gifted child (thank God only one out of three) would try the emotional drama, I would calmly explain that the choices he was making were not OK. I have been to meetings at school with a teacher who was so sure that he was really upset about something and wanted me to help him with a situation only to have them be totally surprised to find out what he really wanted. (My son can cry on demand, I'm talking tears, sniffling, sobbing, the whole nine yards!) One look from me, he sucks it up and will calmly say, Oh, OK.

For all of you, this means that you have to be extremely diligent in paying attention to what is going on at all times. You have to make sure they know the rules (it is their job to be the best person they can be, it is your job to help them be the best person they can be). Discuss what being the best person they can be really means (the choices they make: their tone of voice with others, their behavior, the way they walk, etc). Discuss the choices they have made in the past, and what choices they are going to make in the future. They cannot get away with anything, when kids are that smart, if you let them get away with one thing, they think they need to keep pushing to find out where your limits are. You get to lovingly be strong, be patient, and do not argue with them (you make the rules, you can repeat them instead of engaging in an argument). Hope this helped!