jimrich's picture
jimrich

You deserved it.

When I asked my mother why us kids were so severely hit, beat, belted, spanked, etc. she smugly said "You deserved it!" I was nearly 50 at the time and no longer AFRAID of her, so I told her "That's a rotten LIE. We never "deserved" any of that - we deserved sensible and adequate training and guidance, not spirit breaking ABUSE!" She quickly changed the subject!
It makes me sick when I hear adults saying they deserved what they got or that their kids deserved what they gave them. As though any punishment or "consequence" an authority mets out is JUST FINE (so long as the victim is helpless!) and then the sad victims turn around and proudly claim they deserved it also! I might deserve a ticket but not a whipping by a police officer! Would a judge say "You deserve a beating" as an appropriate and sensible CONSEQUENCE for your misbehavior? So why is it OK to hit, beat, spank, etc. defenseless kids as a just and well "deserved" consequence?
Our parents beat and spanked us only BECAUSE THEY COULD and then covered up their CRIME with the LIE that we deserved it. An abuser can come up with any "reason" they want when there is absolutely no consequence to the abuser for their actions.
You didn't deserve it and your kids don't deserve it. We all DESERVED reasonable and useful GUIDANCE or Discipline (training), not savage brutality or some little old spanking!
So, did you "deserve" what you got? Is so, exactly why?



SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

I believe in spanking, and have used it. A pop on the rear end is not savage brutality, or a beating.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

Some parents are too lazy or too overwhelmed to teach, and spank instead of teaching. I spank, but rarely, and never just because I'm angry.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Mayamay, which one am I; lazy or overwhelmed?

mayamay's picture
mayamay

You mean you don't teach?

I don't think that everyone who spanks fails to teach. I think that on occasion, spanking is an 'attention getting' technique. As I said, I spank, but the decision to do so is a thoughtful decision. If I am tired or overwhelmed, I leave the spanking tool in the toolbox. As with woodworking tools, some discipline tools should be used only when one is fully alert.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

One of my least favorite phrases was when my parents said, "Shut up, or I'll give you something to cry about!" However, when I was faced with a child whose go-to mode of communication was crying, I found myself telling her something like, "You need to learn another way to tell me what you need. So, next time you cry when you need something, I'm going to spank you so you'll think of the other ways you can tell me what you need." (We'd already tried "let's make a deal" and it didn't work for her like it did the other kids.) In other words, I told her "Shut up, or I'll give you something to cry about." AAAARGH! It took about 3 days of consistently giving her a pop on the tush, and then she started asking for things without crying. Life was much better for the whole family, including her, after that.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

She deserved the opportunity to learn to manage her emotions. She deserved effective feedback. And she got what she deserved.
Boy that sounds awful.

jimrich's picture
jimrich

LOL, I wouldn't argue with all of you "spankers" except to say I think you are all in denial and just trapped in your own INSANITY & DELUSIONS! I'd love to hear what your kids have to say about your hitting methods to get fearful OBEDIENCE from your helpless little animals. It's your life and your family so go for it - there isn't anything or anyone to stop you or rescue your victims anyway! I look forward to the day that kids have as much legal protection and civil rights as even farm animals in our mysterious culture. We all know that you hit because you are very ignorant COWARDS & BULLIES. You don't DARE hit someone your own size! So go on lying to your selves and each other!! LOL

mayamay's picture
mayamay

You are still in so much pain. I am sorry. Your parents were not competent and you pay the price. It is a terrible thing.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Jim, seek therapy. Not everyone is the boogie-man. Do you refer to your own children as animals? You sound like you have some serious problems. Time to move on Jim. Pull up your big-boy pants and get over it already. Your attempt to unlock the mystery of "spankers" is even less accurate than your interpretation of the bible. Ya know, one does not have to hit in order to be a coward and a bully, they can use words as well. Your personal attacks on other’s who post here simply because they have different beliefs than you is not what this message board is for. Use facts, or personal experience to show your side of the issue, but don't attack.

jimrich's picture
jimrich

SnglDad, follow your own advice!