Debi79Camaro's picture
Debi79Camaro

When disciplined 2 year old throw things

My grandson throws things when he is told "no" or doesn't get his way about something.   Unfortunately, his parents are not on the same page for parenting.  He's also into throwing tantrums, will throw his food, plate, etc.  I've always used the "three strikes" theory.  After trying alternative discipline, and when he was about to throw his entire plate, I very gently slapped his hand.  He put the plate down, cried, but then came over and sat on my lap when let out of the highchair.  I'd love for part of this site to be dedicated to the predicaments of Grandparents of grandchildren who are not disciplined by their parents.  My six year old Grand-daughter has blown the light tap on my Grandson's hand into a major "beating".  It was no such thing, but exaggeration runs rampant with my Grand-daughter.  So, how would you (or your child's grandparents) handle the recurring throwing tantrums?



Debi79Camaro's picture
Debi79Camaro

Problem is that he has done this many times in the past, and he knew what he was doing is wrong.  True, bosses don't spank their employees, but they also don't keep employees who throw temper tantrums or throw things.  Myself, and all my siblings, were raised with respect for our elders (no matter who: parents, aunts/uncles, teachers)  so IF we crossed the line of acceptable behavior we got a swat.  Needless to say, that line wasn't crossed very often.  And, none of us hit "little people" as a result of our seldom, but necessary under the circumstances, swat.  I can see that discipline is lacking in many families, just observe children in stores. 

Debbiedoo's picture
Debbiedoo

For temper tantrums I would put the child in another room if possible and close the door behind you. Children throw them because they have an audience to show off to and putting them in another room will let them think about what they did and that no one is going to listen to that.

Debbiedoo's picture
Debbiedoo

I agree with "hostmarti" on taking the plate away from him and to be consistent about it. Tell him exactly what your going to do and then act on it.

BobMeadows's picture
BobMeadows

Debi, Debi, Debi…

People are going to start calling you "Swatting Debi", not because you swat, but, for the intensity of your defense of "swatting". I am sorry your grand daughter was miffed when the "swatting" tradition, you claim did not hurt you or your siblings, lead you to "swat" your grandchild. You should not let her reaction elicit a response from you - the adult.

Thanks to Marti for the comment supporting my ideas as stated in the “Spanking” post about how kids learn from the consequences of their actions, rather than from the actions like swatting and spanking. In the accomplishment of real parental goals, relative to spanking, the alternatives are as good or more effective and have the benefit of allowing children to develop internal values like control, integrity, and others.

I don’t believe all kids raised with physical punishment are bad or inferior: the sum of a person is more complicated. I do believe parenting is hard enough without instilling the potential to address problems with violence. Debi, if you think you don’t do that, what exactly were you trying to accomplish by hitting you grandson? He sees your physical control over him, as demonstrated by your ability to hit him for punishment. I understand you believe you are teaching him to obey, and you are. He will obey you when you are there to punish him. He questions is, will he follow the rules when you aren’t?

You should be helping him learn to internalize the behaviors, and develop his own controls. I have never seen a child do something wrong, then seek support from a parent who spanks them for failed behavior.

I assume you are a great person, and a loving grand mother, and I hope you will speak to your grandson's mother with wisdom and patience in order to have peace and agreement in your family.

DaMoKi Bob

 

Debi79Camaro's picture
Debi79Camaro

Until there is more discipline in their household we will not babysit.  Timeouts are a joke, I have a nephew who is great proof of that.....I have talked with a CHILD DEVELOPMENT PROFESSIONAL and showed her what is said on this website.  She said that there is no absolute method for raising children, what works for one will not work for another.  But she said there are no cases of long-lasting mental trauma from a GENTLE swat.  You are also saying "spanking",  that is quite different from a swat.  A spanking is a repeated, usually hard, hitting.  As my husband has said, the GENTLE swat wouldn't even have stunned a fly.  It was the shock of my grandson not getting away with his horrible behavior that was the most traumatic for him.  And, as far as my grand-daughter, she's become quite the drama queen and exaggerator.........which is why she's experiencing almost daily problems when interacting with others in school or other social settings.  And, yes, when all else fails I believe a GENTLE SWAT becomes necessary.  BTW, no problems the following day, not a bit of temper tantrum......

BobMeadows's picture
BobMeadows

Debi,

There are a few things I am convinced of after reading your comments in this and other posts:

1) You believe you are right, and no matter how many times others (and there have been lots) gently tell you hitting in any manner to discipline a child, be it spank or swat, is not the last choice, it is no choice, and you simply ignore it, dispute it, or  make excuses and blame members of your family.

2) You are not engaged in this posting and other postings to seek advice, but, to verify your thinking and support your position, while vilifying those who disagree. In fact, I wonder why you are still posting since you went to, as described by you, a 'child development professional' with all of our bad advice. Why even bother? Unless you just want to try to prove us wrong(?) and yourself right.

3) Regarding your family, you are not telling the whole story. No matter how thin you slice it, there are still two sides. But, to you there is only one... yours. Family relationships are virtually never one sided, and it is generally not a right or wrong issue (like physical violence is).

Do you have a problem with your family? Apparently. Why did you feel the need to throw your Nephew under the bus? I also believe not sitting until their household agrees with your concepts is a great idea.

I am going to make one last attempt to offer advice, "You cannot teach someone something they think they already know." If you don't understand and accept that, I give up.

DaMoKi Bob

jsf418's picture
jsf418

Hi Marti-
I agree about taking the plate away and saying dinner is over....but what if they didn't eat enough? I always face the dilemma of taking the plate away and then worrying that my child didn't eat enough?  How do you handle that situation?

jsf418's picture
jsf418

Hi there-
Not to harp on the subject.....so do you keep your child sitting at the table until everyone is finished or do you let them down?  I just feel like she wants to get down and play, so then she is winning in that case????  When we have taken her plate away, she doesn't even seem to care!

ionne's picture
ionne

Marti,

Spanking definitely teaches children that big people can hit little people when little people anger or displease them.  It also teaches disrespect and fear.  Research shows that children who are disciplined with spanking rather than through positive discipline, including natural consequences and teaching alternative behavior, are actually more rather than less compliant.

What also needs to be mentioned is that this child is 2 years old.  Two year olds do not know right from wrong, and throwing things and tantruming are normal toddler behaviors.  Prevention is a big word here, along with providing natural consequences, ignoring tantruming, and teaching alternative, appropriate behaviors.

ionne's picture
ionne

Don't worry about it!  Unless a child has a diagnoses eating disorder, children eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full.  If the child is two, he or she may throw food or a plate "just to see what happens."  It's a toddler stage.  I'd replace the food initially, and stop the child's hand when he or she is about to throw something, saying, "Don't throw, eat your _____."  If the child continued after a couple of attempts, I'd assume the child was not hungry and remove the plate and food, saying "Dinner is over."   The child may be hungry later on, and can be given a snack before bedtime or midafternoon, as would probably be the case anyway.  But don't worry about a child not eating enough at every meal.