Hi ScrapPunk,

You made some really good points, especially in your last paragraph, and the one about accidents. But, I would like to clarify my comments.

Your comparison of car/ouch and big/little hitting doesn't seem to match. Running into the street should not happen that often, and if it does, the parent should be spanked for not taking additional steps to physically remove or restrict the kids from the street (it would depend on the age: big difference between 2 years and 9 years old). Spanking kids as a normal and therefore not infrequent response to error and failure to obey will over time increase the child’s view of physical punishment as an Ok and possibly preferred means of problem solving: they see you solving them that way, and you are their role model. On the other hand, if running into the street is not met with a bad ending (accident and injury) it will probably be seen as a safer activity over time by the child because we humans tend to believe if it hasn't happened so far, it won't. So, they are in fact quite different and cannot be juxtaposed in the manner you said was not believable: one cannot be dependent on the other for validity. The key in this is "over time".

If you are going to spank, try to do it on the first failure after the warning. Remember, what you allow you teach. If you wait until the 3rd or goodness, the 10th failure, you teach the smart cookies (your words) they have that same number of tries before you punish them. When the application of physical punishment is predictable, so is the number of failures.

I liked your comment about parental purpose: being there to protect them from “life threatening” stuff. I believe that falls into the exception category. If a tree is falling where my child is standing, I will hit him with an open field full body tackle to save his life, and dare anyone to criticize my action. If, on the other hand,  after telling him to move, he remains standing where I think a tree will fall… soon, I think a tackle would be extreme, and so would spanking him. He would not connect the spanking with the danger of being crushed. He would see that he was spanked (hurt) for not obeying a larger person.

There is no single, all encompassing, approach to parenting a child into adulthood… we all know that, don’t we? My comments are meant to reflect general application, not specific example (often used as a point maker for something out of the norm). Most of us know of an old person who has smoked since they were a preteen, and now, at 95yrs are still smoking and going strong. But, that is an exception (most smokers don’t make it to 95) and should not be used to justify altering the general reality.

Finally: how do you within reason selectively prevent major accidents? I know you can "child-proof" your home and yard, but accidents, which are generally not predictable, will still occur with little or no warning. Yet, in your post you stated, "You can't prevent ALL accidents, but you can prevent the major ones... such as bouncing off cars..." Short of duct taping them to a tree... how??

Thanks for your comments, and keep your son out of the street.

DaMoKi Bob

A TON of time-outs did not work for a nephew of mine, his behavior continues to be a problem.   And, as I've been told by a CHILD BEHAVIOR SPECIALIST regarding my grandchildren, children as young as your son do not have the ability to reason.  What does he do around your mom? 

Campbella25,

Hey, Debi got this one right, sort of. “Time outs” have little to no effect on this age. A child under 2 years old is probably not in the pre-logic phase mentally; they are more likely in the "out of sight out of mind" stage. They simply don’t put the cause and effect of punishment together well, and you can use that to your advantage. The attention span can be very short, and physical punishment per se will not work like you might think, especially, spanking, shaking, or even a 'gentle swat'. The only result will be to distract the child for a moment, and potentially make it cry. Later, if the object is still there, and they will probably still go for it.

 If you child proof your home or a section of your home so only reasonably safe 'stuff' is available, you have solved the problem. In the event you don't, or you are in a location where that is impossible, you will simply have to be more diligent regarding supervision and remove the dangerous object from him (take it away and replace it with something safe), or remove him from the dangerous object (move him to a safer area like a crib or whatever).

The problem in this age group is a "good activity" is what they are doing at the moment, and like. If you give them an alternative activity "good" for both of you, well, everything turns out ok, right?

A warning: after a while (3-5yrs) a “good activity” seems to morph into what they are doing at the moment, like doing... and can get away with. Then, you can try the time outs and the like... good luck!

DaMoKi Bob

Any form of corporal punishment or 'spanking' is a violent attack upon another human being's integrity. The effect remains with the victim forever and becomes an unforgiving part of his or hier personality--a massive frustration resulting in a hostility which will seek expression in later life in violent acts towards others. The sooner we understand that love and gentleness are the only kinds of called-far behavior towards children, the better. The child, especially, learns to become the kind of human being that he or she has experienced. This should be fully understood by all caregivers.

They are not little robots who we need to control their every move.  They are people, they just haven't been around as long as we have.  So they may touch something they shouldn't... instead of a swat/tap/pop ... how about a "honey, don't touch that" ... It worked for us.  Why is it okay to hit little kids, yet we would never dream of hitting our adult friends?  It doesn't make any sense.  We talk with our friends, shouldn't our children receive the same respect? 

It's drilled into our heads to honor our parents... what about honoring our children?