orion's picture

physical violence 8yr old

Need advice on how to deal w/ my 8 yr old and his temper. The other day he went to day camp and an older kid and him were playing air hockey. The kid started saying things that many kids say when they are winning, and the longer it went on the more frustrated and upset my 8 yr old got. Well they exchanged a few words and my 8 yr old picked up the puck and threw it at him. hit the kid in the mouth and chipped his tooth. Now I told him how very wrong his actions were, and when he runs into someone like that, those that want to get under your skin, just to walk away and tell an adult. Never hit/ throw anything when you feel mad...He understood what i was saying and feels really bad about what had happened and promised me it wouldn't happen again.(actually I think it scared him when he saw the end result of his actions) Now he goes to each of our houses every other weekend ( I'M Divorced) and he doesn't like where he lives with his dad and stepmom.(primary home)
Now what kind of punishment can I give him that what he did was wrong and he needs to be punished for it. He looks forward to coming to my house and dreads when he has to go back home. I don't want him to have an easy fun time at my house when @ his dads he is will be grounded for 2 weeks....He doesn't listen to me at times and throws fits when he doesn't get his way @ my house. Should I just not let him come to my house for 2 weeks as his punishment, (which I know he would really really hate!)

Any Ideas?????

SnglDad's picture

Boys will be boys; they will compete and they will fight. Things are said, tempers and egos will get the best of them. Childhood is bootcamp for life. Guide your son on how to deal with those who feel they have to talk trash when they are winning. I tell my sons that the only thing worse than a poor loser is a poor winner. This is a great opportunity for him to learn how to deal with people who he does not agree with or even like. Life is full of those kinds of people and throughout our adult lives we have deal with them regularly. What better time to learn how to develop an immunity to such people than when you are young?

SnglDad's picture

Do not use visitation as a punishment. When our children are acting out in undesirable ways that is the time they need more exposure to us. Never use your relationship as a tool for punishment. If you are watching him play air hockey and you see signs of him losing his temper, that is the perfect time to take him aside and remind him how to handle his emotions in such situations. Recognizing the signs and giving guidance, I believe, is the answer here.

mayamay's picture

He needs to make a personal apology to the boy and his family, and also to the other kids there who saw the incident. He needs to compose a written apology. That means you may guide it, but not dictate it. It is important that the apology be simple, and without him justifying his actions. After he composes the apology, you need to see if you can arrange for him to deliver it verbally, as that would be even better than a written note. It would require greater courage, and greater self-control. He may know himself well enough to know that he isn't yet capable of that, and you should honor that. The written notes can be delivered US mail, or through the personnel at the day camp.

motherspride123's picture

Every time Punishment is not a solution to a problem. Sit with your son and talk to him very politely. Try to find out why he gets Frustrated. Give lots and lots of love to him. Try to understand his problem and if he is hot tempered then ask him to do Breathing Exercise or Yoga this will help him to reduce his Temper.

teachers's picture
Enroll him in judo. The "gentle sport" is not so. It will teach him to defend himself, self control, and give him a feeling of safety. Also, khe will do great in high school restling. It worked for my son.