RayUSMC's picture
RayUSMC

Parenting isn't that hard

I know I will, but my intent isn't to step on anyones toes here. People on some of these posts make parenting so much harder than it has to be. Thats the problem with a lot of the youth of today.
When you punish your child use common sense. I use chores and PT, and my children are great. I don't beet them to get them to mind or yell at them. They choose to stay physically fit due to my disciplinary actions.
I work with children and have found that many parents refuse to say "No" to their child. This is a down fall in youth today. They grow into adulthood under the impression that they are invincible and can have anything they want.
I don't care if your child came from a broken home or had something bad happen to them. Most children in this day and age came from a broken home. (Including my own) Shouldn't that mean that you want to do your job now to give them the best future you can manage for them? That means keep them moving in the right direction as they grow.
You can't be your child's best friend all the time and claim to be a good parent and that you are doing your job right. The same respect isn't there when you take this approach. Not to mention, this approach fails 10 times out of 10.
Last, but certainly not least, lazy parents, which is what feeds the above comments is my pet peeve. Sure its easier to hit your child or scream at them, but it takes a pretty sorry parent to decide that their child isn't worth getting up and being creative to make sure your child grows up strong and right while still having as much fun as possible and showing your child you love them. Some need to ask themselves, are they parents or just someone who laid down and had a baby for fun and attention...



mayamay's picture
mayamay

Being a parent isn't that hard - - - if you've seen lots of good parenting as you've grown up, if you aren't exhausted all the time because you are trying to provide basic necessities of life on minimum wage income, if you aren't being sabotaged by an uncooperative partner, and if your child is neurotypical and healthy. I had 4 out of 5 of those nailed, there was only one thing I lacked. Being a good parent was extremely hard for about 10 years.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

Single parents experience things very differently, based on their gender.

The assumption is that Dad must have gone to the wall fighting for custody, he must really love the kid, he must be a concerned parent, he must know how to discipline the child.

The assumption is that Mom got custody because--maybe she didn't even know who the dad was, she picked some loser to get pregnant with, she's lazy, she's a loser, and she lets her kid walk all over her.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

Families headed by single moms get sabotaged by this prejudice, even if they became single moms when they were widowed. It would help if those of us who are fortunate enough to be in better circumstances were less judgmental and more compassionate.

It would be good to examine the sexist prejudice exemplified by statements like this.

"Some need to ask themselves, are they parents or just someone who laid down and had a baby for fun and attention..."

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

I became a single parent because my ex chose to leave his family for a younger woman. I was my children's best friend from the start, and am honered that they both as adults continue to view me as their best friend. Successful parenting is about mutual respect, not disciplinary methods.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Ray, you stated that your children come from a broken home. Do your children reside with you the majority of the time?

RayUSMC's picture
RayUSMC

My children are actually with me all the time. I have had my twin daughters by myself since the day they came home from the N.I.C.U. due to being premature. Their brother isn't mine, but I have had him since their mother dropped him off at 2 years old because she didn't know how to handle a special needs child. DNA says he isn't mine, but I have done the job, and love him so I beg to differ. But in short, I have my children 100% of the time.

RayUSMC's picture
RayUSMC

I work hard to support my children. I grew up from home to home, and had an extremely abusive mother. I get exhausted, but step up anyway. I will overcome the exhaustion for my children. And lets not even get started about the other parent sabotaging things. Mine not only promises to see the children and only does every two years, MAYBE, but she has also maxed my credit and never paid a dime on it many years after our divorce. I am in the middle of sending her to prison for identity theft. Thats why I feel there are no excuses. Just remember, you had the energy to have that child, you need to find the energy to do right by that child.

RayUSMC's picture
RayUSMC

Once a child is grown, if you have done your job right, the child will be your best friend and will know you are theirs. However, as a child if you are not disciplining your child and trying to show them that they are your equal you won't get to that point. As they grow they want more and more respect, and eventually they become your superior in their mind. What I mean by being their best friend, do you by the beer for your 16 year old to party with their friends, or do you stop your child from drinking by not letting them go to the party, even though you may have done the same thing at their age, or maybe even a week ago. There are parents who will buy the beer, because they are their child's best friend. Then when their child gets hurt or hurts someone they claim, "Oh I was a good parent and I did all I could and don't know what happened".

mayamay's picture
mayamay

Just thought this fit here.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/04/19/granderson.children.dress/index.html

mayamay's picture
mayamay

flakey--double post again. Internet's weird today.