soundadvice's picture

parent spits in 4 year olds face as discipline

ex wife spit in four year olds face to stop him from spitting when he is angry. Using all the great info on this site has not convinced her that it was the wrong move. spitting or hitting comes down to tired, sick or hungry. and if you address it that way you deal with the cross behaivor. what should i do to get this accross to the adult?

gail Hanson's picture
gail Hanson

Unfortunately, you can't teach an old dog new tricks.  I would document the behavior, and bring it up with the family law attorney and talk about custody/visitation.  (Don't threaten, it doesn't do any good.)  Comfort the child, tell him you are sorry that mommy does that and remind him that you don't do that.  And tell him not to spit.  It is behavior that degrades both parties. 

peanutsmama's picture

What is wrong with that lady?  Why would you spit in a child's face to teach them not to spit?  That would be considered some kind of abuse to me. There's not just physical abuse out there.  I would never do that to any child!  Maybe you should get her checked out at a psych ward.

lanie's picture

you seem to have a bone to pick with your ex wife...

where, here, do you take any responsibility that YOUR

child is a spitter.  spitting and hitting do sometimes come

down to tired, sick or hungry...they also come down to

frustration, inability to communicate and the craving of

negative attention....and I am not just talking about the

child here....YOU AND YOUR EX NEED TO GROW UP AND HELP EACH OTHER UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR CHILD HAS GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO THE PAIR OF YOU! help her out here instead of trying to get sympathy for yourself....Im not sure, that in the big picture here, your ex did anything that was irreversibly wrong.  particularly if your child did indeed stop spitting.

junieg's picture

Sounds to me like dad is getting it right and mum has a lot to learn about parenting. Why are YOU giving him a hard time. Do you have any issues about men or partners? It didn't sound to me like he was asking for sympathy, just checking.

lanie's picture

my issues are with people who do not take responsibility for what they cause, and expect the rest of the world to fix it.

Bel's picture

If i were you i'd record everthing that would be harmful or effect the child in a negitive way for court but never agrue with her in front of child about anything. Telling her your opinion just won't work in this situation.

amom's picture

I have to say although it sounds politcally incorrect(so what) lanie is right.  This sounds like a battle of the ex's, one looking to get the other in trouble.  What good does bringing a lawyer into the picture do for the child.  No good.  When the adults stop acting like children, which we all do from time to time, and start working together this child will be safe and happy.

lanie's picture

parenting well, is often not related to political correctness at parents we fail when we worry too much about what others are saying, what others are doing, and what others are thinking...particularly if the others are our Ex's.

beatifulmom23's picture

this is rediculous people do make mistakes which is what this was. getting a lawyer over this would be silly it's not like she back handed him across the room if this is the only injustice of the world we would be okay she probley feels bad but people do make mistakes and to take a child for that would be hurting him all over again learn and move on

SnglDad's picture

 Dad, I went through a custody battle for two years and won full custody. Throughout that time everything I was accused of I had to disprove, and every accusation I made, I then had to prove as well. The system is lopsided and Dad's are not favored. If you were the mother in here telling about a dad doing this to a child the focus would have been on the abusive father and not the relationship between the Ex's. Do what YOU feel is right. If you do not like this then write her a letter asking her why she did it and ask her to please stop. The letter makes a record of it for future use, and if she responds and tells her reasons the she is admitting to it. I found out in the begining of my custody case, if I cared what others thought I wasnt being true to what I thought. Deep down you have a reaction to this and you know how it makes you feel. Dont look for affirmation from others, instead look for it in yourself. I have a thing I do that I call "taking self inventory" I ask myself why I am making a decision about something and break it down to the root of the decision. If you truly feel that this is hurting your child, then you have no choice but to protect your child from this unreasonable form of discipline. Spitting is one of the most degrading things you can do to another human. Mom needs to grow up and and figure out a new method of discipline. To those that would condone this I would ask: If your child were getting spit on at school would you be ok with it? I went through this last year, a kid spit on my son. I told my son he had my permission to defend himself. Long story short the spitter landed on the ground and my son has not been spit on since. To me it does not matter if it is a kid at school, or a parent, it is still bullying. Good luck to you, and your child.