Airen's picture

Only Child with Cousins...

My son is 4, and an only child. He's been in daycare his whole life, and, for the most part, is a very happy, well adjusted child. At school, he was getting bossy. If he didn't get his way, hw would occasionally get so angry, he would throw something (usually the toy he wanted) at the other child. Of course he would be sent up front. I was st a loss as to how to help, as I never saw this at home. If I told him "no," he never quarrels. He accepts, and happily finds something else to do. And it wasn't consistent, either. Once or twice a month, out of no where.
I bring this up because I recently had to pull him out of the all day program. My sister and I alternate sitting, and cut daycare costs to zero. All in all, we're very fortunate.
But suddenly I'm a part time mom of three! Two four year olds and a two year old! The girls are adjusting. Time outs are making what was barely constrained mahem into something I can manage. Rules are being followed... but my son is turning into a pod person.
He's making "sharing" into a rule that means he gets toys as he wants them. He's lying if he thinks he's about to get into trouble. He's regressing... this morning as I was making breakfast, he drew all over a couch cushion with a pen, then tried to blame it on the two years old. As soon as they go home, he's the respectful obedient child I know.
I keep time outs. I take away priviledges. I made him "clean" the cushion before I put in the wash. So far, it's getting worse.
I know part of it is jealousy, but how can I reassure him if I'm constantly pointing to the time out chair?
Any advice would help...

acitez's picture

To me this sounds "normal". be patient, keep giving logical or natural consequences. This is what you would have experienced had you had more than one child to start with. I don't say you accept these behaviors, but don't let them freak you out. He'll learn. It'll take time. Teach him how to share.

Let him choose a few toys that he is willing to share. Some kids I know have the notion that everybody "has to share." I don't agree. If I own something, that means I get to choose who uses it. If he gets to choose what he shares, it will make more sense to him that other people also get to choose what they share.

Also, set a timer, tell him that he can play with something for 4 minutes and then it is the other children's turn.

Airen's picture

I'll try that... thank you.