OK or not to tell your 6 year old they are "Bad"?
What do people think? Is this harmful and counterproductive, or is it a way to let them see that they need to "shape up"? This is a current disagreement in my household. Do we keep the approach of "bad behavior is not ok" or take the approach of "you are bad" to "scared straight" them into better behavior?
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In my honest opinion, I feel that it's important to let the kids know that the "behavior" is bad, not the kid themeselves. They need to know what is right and what is wrong.
It is always much better to totally avoid the use of the word "bad" which just makes the child feel "bad" about themself and can lead the child to continue the negative behaviors. The ideal approach is to be consistant and always clearly inform the child of the expected behaviors. Children learn best by positive reinforcement and for a 6 y/o, a rules, expectations and reward chart is a good place to start.
It is also best to tell the child what IS expected. "Don't pick your nose" is not as effective as "Here's how to use a tissue for your nose."
"Remember your lunch!" works better than "Don't forget your lunch!"
Explicit teaching when everybody is calm is really useful.
Some people rely too heavily on ignoring bad behavior. That strategy will often work IF good behavior is taught, explained, and modeled.
Not OK! There are more productive ways to discipline. Acknowledge "acceptable" behavior and explain when "unacceptable" behavior occurs why it is "unacceptable". Try persuading them into explaining their reason for their behavior. You may find the reasoning was sound, it just wasn't expressed properly. Patience and consistency are key!
Please read "From a Child's Perception" by Anna Fowler and evaluate it for merit. I think you'll find this question will be answered, but not in a traditional way. After you've read it, you will have immeasurable knowledge to base your choice on, along with many more behavioral questions might be answered. This book is unlike any other book I know of and I believe in it!
The behavior is bad, not the child.
They are not bad, the behaivior is. I think saying they are bad will really damage thier confidence in the future.