Derek216's picture
Derek216

My daughters listen to me but not mom

My wife and I have 2 daughters ages 4 and 2.
I think the girls listen to me more then they do my wife. When Mom tries to disipline it just ends in my wife yelling and nothing getting accomplished except more stress for the both of us. I dont want to step in and undermind her. It is hard for me to watch the girls completely ignore anything my wife says though.
If i bring up ideas for help my wife with getting the kids to listen she just shuts the doors and says i think she is a bad parent. This is not the case at all. i am getting ready to leave for a few months for work and i dont want her to stress out so much. Does anyone have any advice on things we can do together to build a level of authority for her?



concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

My husband and I had the same problem as well. It's important for you and your wife to stay on the same pg and be consistent ALWAYS. It's hard, I know. I feel sometimes that my kids listen more to my husband then to me b/c he's a lot harder on them. On the other hand, my youngest sometimes ignores my husband when he wants something. I guess he knows my husband will flat out say no, while I may give my son more of an opportunity to earn what he wants.
Read 1-2-3 Magic. Many people on this site have recommended it. It really does work if you both stick w/ the techniques in the book. It may take a while to get the techniques down, but once you do, they work wonders. My kids always say, "No, don't count, don't count." And the best part is, if you do it right, you won't get angry b/c you're nipping the behavior in the bud. I learned the more you try to negotiate w/ your kids and the more chances you give them, the more likely it is that you'll lose control. It's not worth fighting w/ them, and it's not worth the stress. Let the kids face consequences, and stick to your guns. That's the only way things will get better for you. Good luck!
PS--I commend you for not interfering when your wife is disciplining your children. That's always been the hardest thing for me to avoid doing. If you feel your wife isn't handling something the right way, take her aside and discuss it when the kids are not there. Kids are smarter than we think. They will play one parent over another if they know whose buttons can be pushed. Try to work out a system that you and your wife can both follow. If one of you gets off track while disciplining, maybe the other can remind him or her w/ a look or a hand gesture. This way you're not correcting one another in front of the kids. Doing this has helped us as well.