Enita's picture
Enita

Im tired of being the bad guy! (although Im a mommy)

Hi all! I am new to this site. I have an eight year old. And it's a riot right now. I recently learned that my child is entering the Pre-teen years, she will be nine in September. Well my point here I will make it short and sweet as can be. She has been through a roller coaster of emotions and actions that have confused her. Her father, who is my ex-husband is in a relationship that has not allowed him to be the father he needs to be and has been and wants to be. We where in a battle for custody, I now have her back after she was gone for a year. How it happen was really bad, and allegations were awful towards me. She basically (my daughter) lied about my discipline towards her just to be with dad. Anyhow, since shes been back, everything is lies, she doesn't do her chores, she gets away with alot with everyone. Manipulates alot. I am a single parent now, and work hard for us. Everything she wants, she gets. Shes a bratt! I do not want to confuse my decisions, Her father and I have talked about enrolling her into a behavioral camp....I do not want to give up. I dont want to feel like I have not done all that  can. Please help!?!



junieg's picture
junieg

Maybe she gets too much. If she had to work at her behaviour to get some things that might help. Not easy I know but you have to stand your ground and don't let her dictate to you through her behaviour. If she doesn't do her chores then you should deny her some pleasures or take away some of her things.I know she has also been through a rough time so perhaps some counselling might help everybody involved. If she's being a brat now, think what it'll be like a few years down the road!

vareni222@aol.com's picture
vareni222@aol.com

I am in the same situation. i have been divorsed for 5 years now, and she is confused what is right and what is wrong. I did spoil her i felt bad that her family is apart. She has no resposibilities, she lies, she doesnt do her homework. Her dad spoils her even we talk not to do that. I dont know what to do.

tamz's picture
tamz

Juni is right!  You said you don't want to give up .. then don't give up!!  It is easier to give her everything she wants than to insist she earns things.  If she does not do her chores then don't give her anything more than necessary. 


 


Couseling might be better than behavior camp.  I think this is a family problem considering the dynamics you have explained.  This way your daughter will get the attention she is fighting for but in a much more productive manner. 


 


Good Luck!


 


 


 

Enita's picture
Enita

It is crazy when you dont have the others help. Being divorced is so insane let alone having a child!!!! Maybe we can start a group for us...I swear sometimes I feel like Im so alone with not a soul to understand me.

nestley's picture
nestley

Go to a behavioral specialist your pediatrician can refer some to you or just call you insurance company they can give you a list. She’s acting out because of the divorce and I bet she goes to his house on the weekend’s right? I can empathies with you I have a 7 year old we are going through the same thing right now even down to the lying about punishments! We go to the councilor 1 time a week. He does to his fathers house every weekend and he’s an angel over there he comes home it like GET OUT OF THE WAR PATH! She sounds like she’s angry with the divorce situation and unfortunately kids take it harder than adults!

mom2boys's picture
mom2boys

It seems like your daughter is really having a tough time - seeking support via a physician or therapist is a great idea, and I would especially recommend someone who will ONLY work with your daughter if he / she is working with both you and her dad, as well. It sounds like getting both he and you on the same page may be half the battle, and a neutral person can often help with that.

Also, I just published a book with co-auther Pam Provonsha Hopkins called "What Angry Kids Need: Parenting your angry child without going mad." It is available from www.parentingpress.com. It may be another great resource to help you feel like you've got some practical ways to help her with her emotions, and deal with the concerning behavior.

Best Wishes.

fitnessperson's picture
fitnessperson

Same thing here! I went throuh a 1 yr. battle. My daughter lied, said I abused her. The x husband fuels the fire. I didn't see my daughter for a year. Finally, we got our relationship back on track and he is taking me back again to try and cut child support, which he didn't pay this month. I have been divorced for 12 years and he married the girl he was having the affair with and they had a baby! How long does this go on and when do you call it quits with the lawyers?