I need advice on how to cope with the anger
My 10 year old daughter is the oldest of my 4 children She has always been moody-- In the last 3 years she has become more aggressive and so angry that she scares me. <?xml:namespace prefix =" o" ns =" "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
She doesn’t ever want to take no for an answer and, will try to pull me into a control battle when she is being disciplined. Sometimes it works and it has become TOTALLY out of control. There is no way to speak to her when she is in this "zone".
She has complete tantrums about whatever is her problem at that moment wither it be what she is going to wear to school, her chores, her attitude with others, homework, her sisters--- Basically she can't accept that 'no' means 'no', constantly answers back when I say something she doesn't want to hear, she demands your 100% attention or things spiral out of control, and she gets so angry that she cannot calm down.
We are temporally staying at my parent’s home and have been here for 3 months, and the tantrums are not happening daily but are getting worse when they do happen. She responds well to my mother and is very close to her; they sleep in the same bed and do almost everything together. My mother will talk her out of her tantrums most of the time; I however approach it differently, and am far more strict and intolerant. She will show complete and utter disrespect for me, screaming crying basically freaking out, and now it’s turning violent. She's very argumentative with me, my husband and her 3 younger sisters and sometimes with her grandparents; she just generally just lacks respect with her family.
This morning she became 'out of control' because I asked her not to shout at me, she immediately began arguing and called me a ‘stupid idiot’. I ordered her to get dressed for school but she responded by saying 'no'...'what are you going to do about it?' and so on. So I calmly moved her into her room which she automatically responded by hitting, kicking and pushing me. I maintained my position and told her to stay in her room all the time trying to remain calm and consistent. But when My husband came in saw her slap me across my face and spanked her…which just caused her to freak out and scream more, she was holding to me desperate for me to stay in the room, moments earlier telling me she hated me. All of the drama began about getting dressed. She wants everyone to do everything for her, but ONLYon her terms.
I have tried to take a step back since coming to my parents to home because the only person she seems to respond to without constant anger and outbursts is my mother. But that has seemed to backfire and is just another mistake. You see When, my parents aren’t around to give her all the attention she demands peacefully, she will do ANYTHING she can to become the center with drama and anger and tears. It is a Rollercoaster, I have been on medications for Bi polar depression anxiety etc most of my adult life, and have some simplify for the waves, but the doctors all say she is fine, I think because she isn’t honest when I have taken her to the GP to get her evaluated to see a therapist. She acts like this at home only and acts mortified to have any know about the episodes, and will always say it wasn’t her fault.
I called this morning and made an appointment with a therapist, but appointment is a month away. Every second of my time with this is filled with her screaming, and total lack of control. The school is Not having any problems with her. It is just aimed at her family, What can I do???!!??