mandor's picture
mandor

How would you handle it?

I am new to this site, and I am seeking some positive responses for an issue I've had for about two years now.
To start off I am in my 30's and a working professional in the medical field. Having said that, one might wonder why I would need to post my families issues for the world to view, but I am truly at a loss on this one.

I still look like I am 18. Nice huh..?.. not when you have 3 biological children, who look nothing like me. So not only when I am out in public, am I being stared at as "a single trashy teenage mom with three kids in toe",or "the lazy babysitter, who doesn't know the first thing about taking care of children." but my main issue for my long rant is my almost 4yr old daughter.

The day she was born I think the whole country heard her. Her voice can be heard by EVERYONE! she is loud, she is social, she loves to explore..but most of all she tries to do what ever SHE wants.

At home I have no problem dealing with her behavior, but out in public, she knows that any control I have is gone straight out the window. If shes is not getting what she wants, she will scream, yell, kick, punch, run off...the list goes on.

I am tried of trying to take control, because so many people out in public have stepped in, and threatened to have CAS / CPS called.

So... it leaves me scratching my head wondering, do I let her carry on with bad behaviors, and look like I just don't care, and have CAS /CPS called.
Or do I step in take control back, and still be at risk for having CAS /CPS involved. by getting involved I would be using techniques such as; leaving and going home, giving a time out, taking away a reward ect. I have never been violent or mistreated any of my kids.

It is very frustrating. Clearly, I don't want to stand back and let her walk all over me. I'm just sick and tired of other people trying to step in and take over. I am open for ideas and suggestions...but honestly and truly tired of threats, especially from strangers who have no idea what goes on in my home or family.

Myself, kids and partner have been through a few parenting classes and groups. Although they have brought new inspiration, education and skills, myself and partner are still struggling with this issue.



mayamay's picture
mayamay
I think you need to teach her how to behave when she wants something. "We're learning manners. If there is something you want, you ask for it in a polite voice and say please. If I tell you that I'm sorry, no you can't have it, you say OK, in a polite voice. If anything else is said, I will immediately pick you up and carry you to the car, and we will sit there for 10 minutes and then we will try again." Then before you go to the store, make a list together of exactly what you will be buying. If she wants to add something to the list, and it's something you can agree to, then add it then. Don't be so afraid of CPS. There are real criminals out there that they want to spend their time on.
pel's picture
pel
too many are quick to call Child Welfare when they don't know the whole situation.my goddaughter came to live with me @ 5 because her mother "couldnt deal" w/her.I was the only person who could.if I took her in public & she acted up-in the middle of the grocery store when I said no for example.She would lay on the floor & kick,pound & shriek.at first I'd pick her up & leave-but next time she was louder.Finally,I left her to her tantrum.I walked to the end of the aisle but stopped out of her sight & peeked to make sure she was okay.after a couple minutes,she stopped,stood up and followed the route I had taken.a couple times people called the police,I explained the situation they left and nothing further happened.I had her doctor involved and aware of the behavior and willing to speak to anyone if there were problems.it took about 2 yrs of letting the child know her behavior was going to get what she wanted before it finally clicked-then she was able to go back home to her mother.
teachers's picture
teachers
It is your responsibility not the support her behavior. That includes not letting her get by with it. I suggest seeing a marriage and family therapist with her. You will need at least ten visits. Corpral punishment needs to be done at home. It is not child abuse. Do not give in to a tantrum ever and be consistant.