Thaddeus's picture

Girlfriends unruly boys

My girlfriend and I have been together around a year now. She has two boys ages 7 and 9. Now I am not a parent so I try not to judge others parenting, also their dad shares custody with us so I feel that playing the role of disciplinarian would be more harmful than helpful at this stage. However her boys are not well behaved at all. They do not listen to their mother, they swear and call her names, they give her ultimatums on a regular basis, they even grab her breasts and rear end. We can't bring them to anywhere either. At supermarkets, gas stations, movie theaters etc., if they don't get their ow way there is hell to pay. They act out and even throw or attempt to break the item they wanted but were told no to. I feel like a prisoner in my own home when they are here. It's like we are walking on eggshells so they don't punish us with bad behavior. Not to toot my own horn but I was an extremely well behaved child so I can't relate to their frame of mind. How normal is this and what can I do? They behave just as poorly for their father and his remedy is bribery, something I absolutely refuse to do. I find myself dreading our time with the boys and it's to the point that just the sound of the 9 year old's voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard.

SimplyTeet's picture
These boys are playing you guys because they can. Obviously their dad isn't doing anything about it, so they don't have a strong male role model. Things have to change. Make them listen to you because they aren't listening to anyone. It's called RESPECT. You need to establish rules for these boys. I feel your pain because I've been there. My Stepdaughter's mom lets her do whatever she wants to do, so when she comes to dad's house, she has rules and I don't let her behave that way. She cries & throws tantrums if things don't go her way, but there will ALWAYS be consequences. She's 6 and my husband and I have been together for 5 years. Just Saturday, she decided she didn't want to listen, so I took her with me to return her Easter gifts I had gotten for her. When we left the store she cried the whole way home and has been nice to me ever since. DO SOMETHING. You're the adult so take control! You're parents, not their friends! They're kids, they need to be controlled.
jimcrich's picture
The kids are VICTIMS of horrible parenting and the only way you could ever HELP these now damaged kids would be to take them completely away from the parents who have FAILED them and begin re-socializing them from scratch. So long as either or their inadequate parents have an influence in their lives, there is no hope of HELPING them behave better. Do your best but realize that you simply do not have enough impact on those kids to HELP them go beyond the mental damages their parents have done to them so far. Their only hope is to somehow find healthier role models later in life after they leave home.
junieg's picture
Simplyteet, how absolutely nasty. You are not her mother and she has been through a lot. I know she will grow to resent you, and I am not surprised. You are not her mother. She has bee nice to you???...well, whoopie, respect is something to be earned so you should try working at it a bit harder.