sarah45's picture
sarah45

Disciplining Stepson for rude behavior

Am at my wits end, more or less.

Married four months and am having step child problems. I have a 15 year old stepson who has been rude and threatening to me pretty much from the get go. He's a normal boy, more or less, gets good grades, but...

Some of his behavior is quite disturbing, although I am savvy enough to understand the manipulative value of shock as a teen tool for controlling any and all situations.

Some of his past behaviors include telling my daughter he will rape her, telling her and me that he will kill us and dump our bodies, deliberately hurting my two little dogs by dropping them or slamming them to the floor.

Last night he out of the blue announced that he would love to anchor the evening news and if he did he would announce to the world that he wanted to stick his penis in my face.

His father said nothing. Later when I demanded that my husband address the disrespect, my husband required him to apologize. That ended in my stepson denying he said anything, and telling me I could [filtered word] off.

His father, my husband, gets very angry at me when I protest disrespect and never corrects the behavior in any way at all until I prod him. I assure him that I am not attacking my stepson, but the behavior is shockingly inappropriate and needs correction.

My husband doesn't seem to get it and views it as some kind of [filtered word]ing contest.

I feel victimized, which I am angry about, as I hate the victim role. My self esteem is suffering too. It is difficult not to internalize disrespect of both my stepson and my husband, who cosigns the behavior.

We did go to a counselor and are seeing our pastor about it.

I'm in trouble I think and really feel horrible and don't know how to get the situation back to normal, if it ever was normal.

Appreciate some help.



2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

This is in no way a normal situation. This boy is degrading your daughter and you. Your daughter is being made to suffer by this behavior being allowed to go on for one more second. My advice is for you to take your daughter and your two little dogs and LEAVE now. Do not subject your daughter or yourself to this boy's disgusting behavior or your husband's unwillingness to put a stop to it. As a mother who put up with way too much from my ex-stepdaughters and ex-husbands inability to intercede, you staying will just give your stepson the message that what is is doing is OK. Do not do this to your daughter. My children still suffer the emotional scars. This situation can and will get worse and you will be sorry, as I am , that you did not get out sooner. You asked for help and I sincerely hope you will get away from this situation and get some help for yourself and your daughter to repair the damage this boy is doing to you.

acitez's picture
acitez

This is a dangerous situation. Don't wait to see if the boy follows through. How much worse does it have to get before you take action?

plantgirl's picture
plantgirl

I most definitely agree with both of the repliers. This is a disturbing and dangerous situation. You need to get out to protect your daughter and yourself. Before my husband and I got married, we talked extensively about "what if" situations including something like this. I needed to know these types of situations would be unacceptable to him and that if it ever happened, he would step up, even without me asking. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he failed to address hurtful things said or done (more than just the "I'm not listening to you, you're not my mom" stuff) by his son, I would leave. Please watch out for yourself and daughter because your husband obviously is not.

sarah45's picture
sarah45

I thought so....today is a sturm und drang day, but the day I am going to wrangle resources and prepare to leave. I do not want any more abusive talk from the boy or co-signing silence from the man.

A deer ran into my car last night and I escaped death. Very glad to be alive and refreshed about priorities.

Appreciate your help.

mommasisco's picture
mommasisco

i honestly think that if he threating others in house hold its not good at all. he needs to talk to a thrapist and help him realase any anger he has at anyone. please monitar the kids with him. from the things he says i would consider him a risk

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

I dont know what seems more odd; the fact that he only started acting out like this in the last four months, or that you proceeded to marry the father even in the face of such treatment by the son.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Ditto!!!

aunt tessie's picture
aunt tessie

You and your daughter are being verbally abused, threatened with physical harm and actually he talked about killing and dumping your bodies. These are verbal threats which I beleive are against the law. Hurting animals and behaving this way are usually great warning signs of a mentally unstable person who gets off on hurting and terrifying people. I don't know how old your daughter is but if anyone threatened to rape my child I would report it to the authorities regardless of "Whose son they are". You need to take your child and get out now before he acts out on his threats. Four months of marriage is not worth saving under these circumstances and any man who would allow his child to speak to any human being this way needs help himself. What you are enduring is not disrespect it is ABUSE. Follow your instincts and protect your child....don't let her think it is ok to be treated like this...don't try to fight a battle you can't win. I wish you Luck.

sandstorm's picture
sandstorm

Wow! There is no way in disciplining that boy! Sorry to say but i feel as if he is a lost cause! No one deserves to be disrespected nor abused! wow.. i'm in total shock! If your husband doesn't help in the situation, then i think you need to leave him! Does your husband have anger management problems? They do say that kids mirror image their parents' habits!