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Discussion Title: curfews
Created by: bernlo
Created on: Mon, 04/23/2007 - 1:36pm.
What do you think is a reasonable curfew for a 14 year old? I set my daughter's curfew at 11 pm, but she says her friends can stay out until 1:00. I think that seems too late for freshman in high school. What are other parents doing?
Author: elisar
Replied: 4/23/2007 1:50pm.
1:00 is way to late for a 14 year old - I even think 11 is pushing it. Geesh.
Elisar
Author: Host Marti
Replied: 4/23/2007 9:44pm.
Hey bernlo, I just happen to have a 14 year old. I think 1:00 am is WAY too late for a kid that age. My question would be, what the heck are they doing until that time in the morning? They don't drive so what is happening that she needs to be out that late. My daughter doesn't have a set curfew, she has an event by event curfew---like for her homecoming dance it wasn't over until 12:30, so the parents decided they should leave at midnight putting them home about 12:30 but that was a big exception to the rule, not the rule. My friends and I were talking about this the other night and we all came to the conclusion that nothing good happens after 11 or 12 at night!! Marti
Author: mommaya
Replied: 4/24/2007 3:00pm.
I agree with the others that 1:00 seems way too late! I like Marti's idea of doing an event by event curfew for special functions.
Author: bernlo
Replied: 4/25/2007 6:33pm.
I like that idea, too. Thanks for everyone's suggestions! I think my initial instincts were right, but it is tough to know if you are doing the right thing. Especially with teenagers!
Author: Host Marti
Replied: 4/25/2007 9:59pm.
Yes bernlo, I agree being the parent of a teenager is very difficult. To me it is the hardest time thus far even with a kid who has never been in trouble or anything.  It is just a really hard time for parents and for kids. I read something a few years ago about teenagers that said something like, having a teenager is like having a toddler with keys to the car.  YIKES!! Marti
Author: JohnsMom
Replied: 5/9/2007 4:55pm.
I guess I'm the odd man out on this one.  If we're talking on Friday and Saturday nights, I think an 11 o'clock curfew seems too early for a kid already in high school.  On weekdays curfews should be much earlier, but why not let her stay out a bit later on the weekends?  Do you trust your daughter?  Is she generally responsible?  Does she do her fair share around the house?  If so, show her that you trust her and compromise - settle right in the middle and make it midnight.
Author: Host Marti
Replied: 5/9/2007 11:41pm.
Well, I might be a strict parent but my daughter isn't allowed to go out on school nights at all, except for activities that involve school---plays, sports, that sort of thing.   I think that there is a big difference between a 14 year-old and an 18 year old and that 14 is high school but barely.  I think that 11 is a reasonable curfew for a 14 year old and I like the idea of increasing it each year.  Probably we will do it by about 30 minutes or so a year.  But as I said there are special occasions and I do tend to do things on a case by case basis.  When I was a kid we had midnight movies and occasionally I was allowed to go to one when I was in 11th or 12th grade and I would probably let my daughter do the same but not all the time.   Marti   http://www.familyeducation.com/home/
Author: momto9
Replied: 5/11/2007 8:21pm.
I agree that at 14, nothing good can come of staying out so late when they can't even drive. Our city curfew is 10 week day and midnight weekends, so kids that age out walking around at that time will be arrested and parents will have to pick them up at the police station.  Our kids' curfew from 14-15 was 9 pm.  (Friday & Saturdays, 10 pm) 16-17 10 pm.  (Friday & Saturday, midnight).  UNLESS there was a special event.  Whenever my kids would come in and say "the other kids parents don't care if they stay out that late", I'd say "I'm sorry they don't care but I do care."  That was all it took and I never had a problem.  They had to be in the door before the bells stopped the chime on the hour.  For every 5 mins they were late walking in, it was a 1/2 hour earlier for the next night's or event's curfew. Each only had to do that once when it made curfew 6 or 7 pm :)  Teens can be great fun and I had no troubles and their friends respected my rules whether they liked them or not.
Author: zoe
Replied: 5/11/2007 9:05pm.
It's interesting to read other parents comments. I am a parent living in New Zealand. Here, statistics have shown a dramatic increase in teenage problems. There is no doubt that the world seems different to what it was in grandmothers day. However I would allow my 14 year old out late at night to 11.00pm with the exception on knowing where she was going, who she would be with and what she would be doing - (no dating, dances etc). I still feel I need to be making minimal decisions for her to protect her own interests while she is still maturing. Our girl knows that we love her and our decisions as parents are seen for her own protection.
Author: Nanny416
Replied: 5/14/2007 6:45am.
What sense does it make to allow a 14 year old to stay out past midnight?   A 14  year old is still very young and I don't see what good is happening after midnight.   I believe to allow your children to have these late curfews unspervised is a big mistake that leads to serious future problems. As for me my son is 15 and goes to bed at 8pm every night.  My reasoning is that there is no children's programming on tv after 8pm.  The only way he stays up later is if we are watching a sporting event or autourized movie together.  
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