bernlo's picture
bernlo

curfews

What do you think is a reasonable curfew for a 14 year old? I set my daughter's curfew at 11 pm, but she says her friends can stay out until 1:00. I think that seems too late for freshman in high school. What are other parents doing?



elisar's picture
elisar

1:00 is way to late for a 14 year old - I even think 11 is pushing it. Geesh.
Elisar

mommaya's picture
mommaya

I agree with the others that 1:00 seems way too late! I like Marti's idea of doing an event by event curfew for special functions.

bernlo's picture
bernlo

I like that idea, too. Thanks for everyone's suggestions! I think my initial instincts were right, but it is tough to know if you are doing the right thing. Especially with teenagers!

JohnsMom's picture
JohnsMom

I guess I'm the odd man out on this one.  If we're talking on Friday and Saturday nights, I think an 11 o'clock curfew seems too early for a kid already in high school.  On weekdays curfews should be much earlier, but why not let her stay out a bit later on the weekends?  Do you trust your daughter?  Is she generally responsible?  Does she do her fair share around the house?  If so, show her that you trust her and compromise - settle right in the middle and make it midnight.

momto9's picture
momto9

I agree that at 14, nothing good can come of staying out so late when they can't even drive. Our city curfew is 10 week day and midnight weekends, so kids that age out walking around at that time will be arrested and parents will have to pick them up at the police station.  Our kids' curfew from 14-15 was 9 pm.  (Friday & Saturdays, 10 pm) 16-17 10 pm.  (Friday & Saturday, midnight).  UNLESS there was a special event.  Whenever my kids would come in and say "the other kids parents don't care if they stay out that late", I'd say "I'm sorry they don't care but I do care."  That was all it took and I never had a problem.  They had to be in the door before the bells stopped the chime on the hour.  For every 5 mins they were late walking in, it was a 1/2 hour earlier for the next night's or event's curfew. Each only had to do that once when it made curfew 6 or 7 pm :)  Teens can be great fun and I had no troubles and their friends respected my rules whether they liked them or not.

zoe's picture
zoe

It's interesting to read other parents comments. I am a parent living in New Zealand. Here, statistics have shown a dramatic increase in teenage problems. There is no doubt that the world seems different to what it was in grandmothers day. However I would allow my 14 year old out late at night to 11.00pm with the exception on knowing where she was going, who she would be with and what she would be doing - (no dating, dances etc). I still feel I need to be making minimal decisions for her to protect her own interests while she is still maturing. Our girl knows that we love her and our decisions as parents are seen for her own protection.

Nanny416's picture
Nanny416

What sense does it make to allow a 14 year old to stay out past midnight?   A 14  year old is still very young and I don't see what good is happening after midnight.   I believe to allow your children to have these late curfews unspervised is a big mistake that leads to serious future problems.

As for me my son is 15 and goes to bed at 8pm every night.  My reasoning is that there is no children's programming on tv after 8pm.  The only way he stays up later is if we are watching a sporting event or autourized movie together.

 

zoe's picture
zoe

Encore! Thanks Nanny416, I was afraid to be so specific but I just had to smile and nod my head up and down when I read your curfew comment. 

Nanny416's picture
Nanny416

Thanks Zoe!

There's no need to beat around the bush when it comes to our children. 

We need to have integrity as parents and teach our children what is right from wrong.  Why would you want your children to be exposed to adult things in the late hours of night?  At 14 they are still children. There are too many bad things that children can be exposed to these days.  Why would you out them in situations to be exposed to such things.  By letting them stay out till 1am at 14 years old that is exactly what you are doing. 

 

Some one mentioned trusting your children.  I trust my child to do the right thing however I am not the parent of the other children he is hanging around with.  Those children may have a different set of morals and upbringing.  What I think is right for my son might be upsurd to others.  But hey!  I am the one who is taking care of him all by myself, and up til now I continually received compliments on his behaviour.

“It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” - The Golden Girls

Nanny416's picture
Nanny416

I agree with the event by event curfew ( for things such as after school activiteis, special events, etc.,) but I also thing that there should be a standard curfew for all other times. Mine is at 8pm your head better be touching a pillow. Children need consistency and routine. I don't have to worry about my son because he follows a routine and I can set my clock by it. It's not Army like in my home, but I don't have to look up to know wat my son is doing. However, that does not mean that I don't double check on him.

Bernio! It's not tough to know if you ar doing the right thing. Doing the "Right Thing" as parents is different for everyone, however doing the right thing in my home is "What I Think is the Best Thing" to do for my children. As the adult in my home I set the rules ( THAT IS MY JOB!) and I don't worry if my son is going to be upset with it. Does your boss at work worry if you are upset with the rules? If you are you find another job! If your intentions come out of LOVE for your children, then IT IS the right thing to do. You should not give into anything you feel uncomfotable with. Actually, thatis exactly what I say! "Sorry! I don't feel comfortable with this. I don't feel this is right for you. maybe when you're older."

I deal with a moody teenager just as you do and I am a single mom. Being moody is there nature. You don't deal with this my giving into there needs if it is against what you think is right.

 

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“It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” - The Golden Girls