lonedad's picture
lonedad

bedwetting/useing diapers

i recently put my 12 year old back in cloth diapers and plastic pants for bed wetting due to the cost i chose this type but hes been in for 2 months now he tells me that he kinda likes wearing them at nite and wants to use them in the day --- im confussed i thought this would help him to stop wetting any help on this ?? im not sure if he just likes to wear diapers or i dont know .HELP!!!! 



Cristi555's picture
Cristi555

The problem is not that he has decided he likes this arrangement. Bedwetting at 12 is a serious problem. Has this been  happening for all of the past 12 years or did he just start bedwetting recently? I get that you thought he would be embarrassed and not want to wear the diapers to bed and therefore stop bedwetting, but this is no longer 1960 or 1970! (Using embarrassment as a means of parenting was normal back in the day). If this is a new development (wasn't a problem until recently) then he needs counciling/therapy. If this has been ongoing for a long time, you need to get some real help. Speak with his doctor, take some parenting classes. You are only going to get ideas and opinions here. I wish you the best of luck. Being a "lonedad" can't be easy. But like dads, moms don't come knowing all of the answers either. We all keep learning from each other. So I am happy that you are reaching out. God bless you and hang in there!

lonedad's picture
lonedad

been to the drs he said deep sleep and being lazy was the problem no medical excuse. therpy is expensive ?

hes been a wetter at nite since birth im only doing this because i cant buy any more mattresses .

what im concernd with is he wants to wear during the day hes never wet during the day??  im not going to let him at this point !! but will continue at nite.

ive been on web sites where teens &adults like to wear diapers its called infantilisim not sure i like this !!!

why you ask have i been looking at these sites i was looking for bedwetter sites theres a lot info with just a few keystrokes.  so the question is should i let him wear during the day ? as far as im concerned i would let him if he was going to wear out side with his friends i know this is not going to happen ! i hope any ideas ? 

Cristi555's picture
Cristi555

I have two heavy sleepers. The first would sleep right through bed wetting. If I tried to wake her, there was much screaming and crying. Turned out, she wasn't actually awake. My third kid was the same way, except he does not sleep through it. He is just awake enough to scream and cry. Neither kid remembers A THING the next day. My husband and I would get up the first kid about an hour and a half after she went to bed and half carry her into the bathroom. Finally at 9 she outgrew it and would wake up to get to the bathroom. We found this technique does not work with the third kid. We make sure we limit his liquid intake, tapering off starting in the early afternoon and making sure he does not get too much to drink at least an hour to an hour and a half before bedtime. Sips are OK, but that's it. We also discovered that the crazier the day was for either of them, the more likely an episode would be for them. I know other parents who have gone through this same thing and survived. Here's what I recommend:

1. Do not negotiate with your child. You are the parent, you set the rules.

2. Explain that you will be waking him to go to the bathroom (you may have to set your alarm if you are an earlybird yourself). If he anticipates it, he will be more receptive to being awakened. You may have to experiment with this. One couple said they had to set their alarm for 4:30am to do their bathroom duty with their son. (After a while, their brains get used to getting up at the same time to go to the bathroom and their sleep patterns start to change to accomodate the schedule).

3. Cut off liquids prior to bedtime. (Again, experimentation may be order - an hour, two hours, etc.)

4. Make sure he knows that as his parent, it is your job to help him be the best person he can be. It is his job to BE the best person he can be. Help him see that people do not wet their beds at night, so part of being the best person he can be would be to learn this new behavior. (Those two statements help with laziness, as well! When my 8 year old son makes a choice to be lazy, I will ask him to remind me what his job is.)

5. Finally, keep a positive attitude about the whole thing. Know that you are teaching him a skill that will last him a lifetime. Be proud of the job that you are doing (this will help you in the middle of night when you think it will never end). Keep saying to yourself, "this is a temporary inconvenience for a permanent improvement". He will see that you don't think less of him for his behavior, he will see that you mean what you say. He will see that you love him enough to help him become a great person!

PS. The part about wearing during the day?  I think it is part of his negotiations with you. At 12, he's still a kid. It's safe to be real with you and it's safe to see how far he can go with you. You don't have to respond to every single thing he says.

PSS. On the 5 year old's bed I have a plastic mattress pad (goes on the mattress like a sheet, then the sheet goes on top of it. Wipes clean with a wet wipe!). Finally got to get rid of the one on my daughter's bed last year! Target, like $6 or something!

 

mumof3's picture
mumof3

Bed wetting can drive you demented, I know! I was through it all with 2 of my kids, one wet until 13, the other stopped at 9.

 

I had tried medicine, limiting liquid intake etc but what finally worked was actually getting the child to drink lots of water during the day and then not rushing to the bathroom at the first sign but holding it for a few mins at first and then a bit longer. Cut out fizzy drinks and stick with water, it took a few weeks but then it worked.

 

As for wanting to wear the diapers during the day, are you sure he's not just trying to get at you so that you will take him out of diapers completely, after all he probably doesn't want to wear them at all. Buy a rubber sheet for the mattress and then put an old blanket/towel under his bedsheet and try and persevere for another little while, but I would get rid of the diapers immediately.

 

Mum of 3

www.mumspage.com

lonedad's picture
lonedad

well thanks for all the ideas as far as nitetime diapers he going to stay in them as for day time were going to camp this weekend which is very remote i am going to give him a choice if he wants um go for it. i was a bedwetter at his age and i did not want them at all but what mom or dad said was law!!!!!! so i just stoped wetting at the age of 14 so thanks have a wonderful 4th of july lonedad! 

lonedad's picture
lonedad

well we went to camp as planed i told him it was ok if he wanted diapers during the day he did not !!! yes !!!until it was a rain day then he asked me to put him in a dry diaper for the the day as much as i wanted to say no!! i did it anyway he was a tropper he used the out house insted of his diaper during the day. we have a generator for elec he played video games. i just was stuned that he could sit there in his diaper and plastic pants and a t-shirt

like no one was there  i love my son but i think I" need help!!! is this ok with parents today !! i told him i did not understand what he was doing. he told me he liked the way it feels and that i was ok with it i was speechless.

did i miss something because in my day diapers were not ok!!im not sure i like this but i want the nite time wetting to stop. so i told it was ok to wear during the day only when we were at camp and it was raining.he said ok.  anyone else got a pre teen who likes diapers!!??

straem's picture
straem

You've gotten a lot of responses from people who are actually parents and are thinking what's actually socially accepted, but i'm completly different. I'm a 14 year old with the same feelings as your son. I can understand why you are worried about your son. But there is nothing bad, or terrible about wearning diapers. It's not socially accepted, which is the only bad thing that comes from these feelings. It might be Emotional or it might be Sexual, might be a bit of both. Either way; you're not going to change your son's feelings about this. He 'just has' these feelings, won't know how or why... just does.

I'm lucky. My mum accepts me for it. These feelings are who i am, she knows that. I know a lot of people who's parents got so angry, or so worried and send them to a therapist; this is wrong. It's your son, you should love him for who he is.

Now it is upto you whether you let him wear diapers during the day or not. But yeah, you should set some guidelines. Like only when no one else is here, not in public, etc. You could very easly just buy them for him, and just let him have access. It's really what you think is good, and not.

My mum understanding me for this was one of the best things that i could have asked for. I want you to know how much it means to him :)

There is some sites, for this kind of stuff too, has a lot of good articles you can read.
http://understanding.infantilism.org/
a great site for you.
http://teenbabynet.org/viewtopic.php?t=4665 this is a very very good place to learn what exactly it is, too(might need an account).
They should answer any questions you have, if not I'll check back here in a few days.

diaperedwt's picture
diaperedwt

I too have a bedwetter. He's 13 and wears them all day because he has a urinary incontinence problem. I agree with using cloth diapers. First they are less expensive. Second, they are ecologically safer for the environment. It's more work but I run a daycare and so I have to wash a lot anyway. My question is, does he accept the diapers or is he upset about it?

tamz's picture
tamz

Therapy may be expensive, but I think you and your son should find some help. None of this is normal and you should be helping him to be an independent and capable young man, not helping him, at 12 years old, to behave like an infant.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I don't know much about this issue, I can only guess. First I wld think at age 12 that this is a bladder control problem, and I wld bring your son to a dr who specializes in this area. If this is a physical problem only, I don't know if I wld bring him to counceling right away. I wld do counceling, however, if this problem is affecting your son emotionally. I'm sure to some extent it must be. As far as your son liking the feel of the diaper, my first thought was he's 12, and this is a sexual thing, but I don't know. If you feel this is in any way related to infantilism (like you suggested), then I wld definitely seek counceling for your son. It wldn't hurt to rule these things out. In my opinion, though, I wld try to steer your son away from wearing diapers during the day, and only have him wear them at night. I wld also try weaning him out of diapers at night eventually, and maybe offer him another alternative, like boxer shorts. I hope this helps.