boobooswife's picture
boobooswife

Aggressive freaking out 5 yr old!! HELP!!!

I have a 5 yr old who attends kindergarden. EVERY morning he throws a fit that he doesn't wanna go to school on the bus. It is soooooo bad that we have had to chase him around the front yard and he has locked us outta the house while the bus is coming. Most of the time I have to drive him kicking and screaming to school. He sceams I am the worst Mommy ever and he hates me! When we carry him to the bus stop at the end of our driveway, he will punch my hubby on the head and arms, bite, scream, kick and cry. He says we are just trying to get rid of him and he hates us. Once I get him to school he settles down and goes to his class....with tears....hugs me good-bye and has to be pryed off me by the teacher.

With me at home he will tip over the chairs in the house, throw things and dig the heck outta me if he doesn't get his own way. We have tried time outs on the couch, spanking on the butt, locking up his playroom, and taking away priviledges....to no avail. He just refuses to listen and every morning is a battle.

What are we to do???? I feel like I am failing him as a parent and am thinking he may need outside help. There is no divorce here, no family violent behavior, no moving around or anything else that would be dissruptive in his life. We are at our wits end.

Any help would be greatley appreciated!!!

Thanks a million in advance,

BooBoosWife



2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Find out if the school has a psychologist or social worker who can help you. If not, find a private therapist or go to the state service center or whatever public child mental health service your area offers. This child is acting out in this way for a reason and you should do whatever you can to get to the bottom of the situation before it worsens.

Good luck!

boobooswife's picture
boobooswife

Raven has a therapist appointment today to discuss things........letcha know how things go!

Thanks,
Michele

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Thank you for the update. A good therapist can help so much.

boobooswife's picture
boobooswife

Grrrr! Went to the therapist and explained everything and stressed his aggression. After an hour, she came up with he has separation anxiety and should grow outta it. Only thing she suggested was rewarding him every day for getting onthe bus and to give him 1-2-3 time outs.......tell him, that's 1 before you go into time out..........that's 2 before you go into time out, ect. That's it.......she said we were doing everything else she woulda suggested. She even said he didn't need any more sessions. I said no way.....gimme at least 1 more session. i don't think she believes me how bad it is with him at times and how outta control he acts.

I am gonna make sure I have my digital camera fully charged at all times and get his behavior on it and the next session with the therapist I am gonna show it to her. Then she can see for herself what his behavior looks like and what we are going thru.

Any other suggestions?? I welcome them all and appreciate them dearly!

Thanks,
BBW

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

As I said in my last post, a GOOD therapist can help so much.

Many children have separation anxiety but that is a separate issue from and does not explain the negative behavior at home. Also, the reasons behind your son's separation anxiety need to be uncovered and addressed and his feelings validated. Just offering him rewards to get on the bus will not solve the underlying issues.

My daughter had separation anxiey and did not grow out of it as early therapists suggested. She developed Social Anxiety Disorder in part because the separation anxiety was not fully addressed when she was your son's age. Though I have found both personally and professionally that some therapists under diagnose and some over diagnosis, it takes time to get the diagnosis and treatment right, not just one session. It took us years to find a therapist willing to put the time in to help my daughter. Keep on trying, it will be worth it!

Get the negative behavior on tape and see what she has to offer, if you are still not satisfied with the interventions, then go to another therapist.

lholland's picture
lholland

make sure there is not an underlying issue with the teacher and that he doesn't hate school because of it. Kindergarten is hard, but my son is literally an angel at home and was horribly behaved in kindergarten. We punished him daily, we tried the smile face charts, we took him to therapy and got the same answers you did. We didn't have any issues in 1st or 2nd grade...found out at the end of his 1st grade year that the teacher just basically gave up the 2nd week of school and would just not put up with any type of behavior and would haul him off to the principal.

Trieditall's picture
Trieditall

Sorry to tell you this but fear of pain is the only solution to children with those types of attitudes. I can tell you from experience. I have a daughter just like that who gets extremely violent and hits and breaks things if she does not get her way. You can take her to all the therapists you want and they all say the same thing. Time out this time out that. That is all crap and does not work with this type of behavior. I have tried every possible solution and the only one was fear of getting her butt beat, but even that sometimes does not work. It usually does,but there are times that if she is determined enough then she justs laughs even though you know that has to hurt. Hopefully the therapist BS will work for you, but I doubt it if he is to that point. It sounds bad but in some cases there is no other alternative. It is a basic instinctual response to fear pain as a deterrant to negative behavior. Some children as do some adults have a deeply ingrained primeval urge to dominate which can only be controlled by a more dominant person. Sounds deep, but its a sad but true fact. Good Luck!

dusty12's picture
dusty12

Wow this sounds like my 5 yr old son . He also is struggling with extreme seperation anxiety, I have had to stay at school with him every day all day in kindergartin .were he screams hides under my chair cries runs out of the school saying he hates school , that we doen't want him anymore . it has come to a point where they told me not to bring him to school anymore until we took him to a pedeatrician . I have a youth counseler working with him for an hr a day at the school now , trying to get me to leave him for 15 mins at a time . this has had him screaming , crying throwing the chairs ana anything he can get his hands on it the room we have him in . also hitting and kicking the youth worker hitting himself , tell the youth counselller he hates her ect . it has also continued at home , I am not sure what is going on , my docter says it is proabbly something on the spectrum . whatever that means . sorry to hear you r having problems with your child hope it gets better soon I know how stressfull it can be , outside and inside the home . dusty