boobooswife's picture
boobooswife

Aggressive freaking out 5 yr old!! HELP!!!

I have a 5 yr old who attends kindergarden. EVERY morning he throws a fit that he doesn't wanna go to school on the bus. It is soooooo bad that we have had to chase him around the front yard and he has locked us outta the house while the bus is coming. Most of the time I have to drive him kicking and screaming to school. He sceams I am the worst Mommy ever and he hates me! When we carry him to the bus stop at the end of our driveway, he will punch my hubby on the head and arms, bite, scream, kick and cry. He says we are just trying to get rid of him and he hates us. Once I get him to school he settles down and goes to his class....with tears....hugs me good-bye and has to be pryed off me by the teacher.

With me at home he will tip over the chairs in the house, throw things and dig the heck outta me if he doesn't get his own way. We have tried time outs on the couch, spanking on the butt, locking up his playroom, and taking away priviledges....to no avail. He just refuses to listen and every morning is a battle.

What are we to do???? I feel like I am failing him as a parent and am thinking he may need outside help. There is no divorce here, no family violent behavior, no moving around or anything else that would be dissruptive in his life. We are at our wits end.

Any help would be greatley appreciated!!!

Thanks a million in advance,

BooBoosWife



2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Find out if the school has a psychologist or social worker who can help you. If not, find a private therapist or go to the state service center or whatever public child mental health service your area offers. This child is acting out in this way for a reason and you should do whatever you can to get to the bottom of the situation before it worsens.

Good luck!

boobooswife's picture
boobooswife

Raven has a therapist appointment today to discuss things........letcha know how things go!

Thanks,
Michele

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Thank you for the update. A good therapist can help so much.

boobooswife's picture
boobooswife

Grrrr! Went to the therapist and explained everything and stressed his aggression. After an hour, she came up with he has separation anxiety and should grow outta it. Only thing she suggested was rewarding him every day for getting onthe bus and to give him 1-2-3 time outs.......tell him, that's 1 before you go into time out..........that's 2 before you go into time out, ect. That's it.......she said we were doing everything else she woulda suggested. She even said he didn't need any more sessions. I said no way.....gimme at least 1 more session. i don't think she believes me how bad it is with him at times and how outta control he acts.

I am gonna make sure I have my digital camera fully charged at all times and get his behavior on it and the next session with the therapist I am gonna show it to her. Then she can see for herself what his behavior looks like and what we are going thru.

Any other suggestions?? I welcome them all and appreciate them dearly!

Thanks,
BBW

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

As I said in my last post, a GOOD therapist can help so much.

Many children have separation anxiety but that is a separate issue from and does not explain the negative behavior at home. Also, the reasons behind your son's separation anxiety need to be uncovered and addressed and his feelings validated. Just offering him rewards to get on the bus will not solve the underlying issues.

My daughter had separation anxiey and did not grow out of it as early therapists suggested. She developed Social Anxiety Disorder in part because the separation anxiety was not fully addressed when she was your son's age. Though I have found both personally and professionally that some therapists under diagnose and some over diagnosis, it takes time to get the diagnosis and treatment right, not just one session. It took us years to find a therapist willing to put the time in to help my daughter. Keep on trying, it will be worth it!

Get the negative behavior on tape and see what she has to offer, if you are still not satisfied with the interventions, then go to another therapist.

lholland's picture
lholland

make sure there is not an underlying issue with the teacher and that he doesn't hate school because of it. Kindergarten is hard, but my son is literally an angel at home and was horribly behaved in kindergarten. We punished him daily, we tried the smile face charts, we took him to therapy and got the same answers you did. We didn't have any issues in 1st or 2nd grade...found out at the end of his 1st grade year that the teacher just basically gave up the 2nd week of school and would just not put up with any type of behavior and would haul him off to the principal.

Debbie P's picture
Debbie P

I just talked to a counselor on the phone this afternoon about my own sons similar behavior, and she said it could be ADHD, or any number of things across the board because they all have the same symptoms. Like manic depression, bi-polar, etc. which are genetic. I personally don't know of anyone in my own family being diagnosed, although there are probably some undiagnosed cases like some of my siblings and their children, and stemming back to my dad's side of the family. I can tell you though, I know exactly what you are going through! My 4 yr old son is the exact same way! He was so out of control today I made an appointment with a counselor and I take him on Dec 16. I am not sure if he is ADHD, or what..but I have to get this taken care of before he gets older and gets worse! And next year he is in Kindergarten all day. He's good in his preschool classroom, totally the opposite at school from home. I've tried the 123 timeout having to put him in the high chair just to hold him, and now I can't do it because he rocks himself over, he won't sit still in a couch or chair for timeout, I am beside myself. I'm glad my daughter was not like this when she was little. He's a big boy for a 4 yr old and people think he's much older. I get stared at all over the town when I'm out with him. They don't realize he's only 4.
It is very upsetting and frustrating being a parent and feeling so helpless and how to handle this child. I can't take him to church, or out to the store because he is just everywhere, wanting to run, climbing under, above the pews, or tearing away from holding my hand and running into the parking lot, or around the store, he's taken off from me more than once, and one time a store employee had to help me find him. I'm on call at the schools, and can't go in early because he is so hard to get ready in the mornings because he throws tantrums that he doesn't want to go to day care or school (which he loves both when there)
He throws himself to the floor with tantrums, bites, kicks, screams, slams doors, hits, and makes silly sounds at inappropriate times, like if we are trying to watch TV and he knows we are trying to watch it..then he starts in on the sounds, he sometimes holds his ears and just screams. I hope this counselor can help me, because I am going bonkers with him! I've talked to his teachers about him possibly being ADHD, they say no way, so if that's not it, it has to be something..this is not normal behavior to me! My mom tells me all the time that with all 7 of us, none of us acted the way my son does.. :^/
And yet, other times, he can be very sweet and cuddly and caring.
I feel like a single parent because my husband is a truck driver and only home for a day or two every other weekend.

My only advice is to take him to a good counselor who is willing to evaluate him. I hope I can get some answers and what to do...good luck!

The Father's picture
The Father

I actually went through the same things as a child myself around 3rd and 4th grade. It was because my mother and father had just split. It's a total case of separation anxiety. The best thing to do is to smother him with attention, and love more than usual. Make it to the point were it's OVER KILL. Show so much affection that if he tries to hit you, he will feel bad, and let him know how hes hurting mommy... fake cry..whatever you have to do to get his attention.

Like mentioned above reward him for getting on the bus. For instance take him to Chucky Cheese on a Sunday night (has to be Sunday, because 9 times out of 10 during the week he didn't want to get on the bus. and we cant reward bad behavior) let him play like a wild man give him tons of tokens, and keep putting it in this head that You all can have tons of fun like this everyday if you just be a good little boy. When it's time, let him take one of those toys on that he won on the bus to school! Let him be happy to show his teachers and classmates. Then on the Monday morning when the bus comes and he gets on thinking about playing when he gets home. If he does get on the bus ... TAKE HIM BACK AS SOON AS HE GETS ON!!! (very important) Then next day it's the park, and so on until he just can't wait to get home.

It seems like he just wants you attention!!! He wants to cuddle and be hugged. If he starts acting out ... just grab him cut the T.V. Off and hug and kiss him. No little boy can resist the love on his mommy. Whatever you do don't yell at him or show him hes' winning the battle and yelling and getting put in time out...does just that!!

StrongerWise's picture
StrongerWise

Have you tried asking him why he hates the school bus so much and why he doesn't want to go to school? There's got to be a reason behind all this. Talk to him and find out. To me it sounds like he's a kid with a problem at school, and he doesn't know what to do about it except to avoid going to school.
Talk to him and find out what he needs, ask him how you can help make it better.

Trieditall's picture
Trieditall

Sorry to tell you this but fear of pain is the only solution to children with those types of attitudes. I can tell you from experience. I have a daughter just like that who gets extremely violent and hits and breaks things if she does not get her way. You can take her to all the therapists you want and they all say the same thing. Time out this time out that. That is all crap and does not work with this type of behavior. I have tried every possible solution and the only one was fear of getting her butt beat, but even that sometimes does not work. It usually does,but there are times that if she is determined enough then she justs laughs even though you know that has to hurt. Hopefully the therapist BS will work for you, but I doubt it if he is to that point. It sounds bad but in some cases there is no other alternative. It is a basic instinctual response to fear pain as a deterrant to negative behavior. Some children as do some adults have a deeply ingrained primeval urge to dominate which can only be controlled by a more dominant person. Sounds deep, but its a sad but true fact. Good Luck!