maddiemom's picture
maddiemom

Acting out at school-4 year old

I really don't know what to do, but i'm desperate. My daughter is 5, she starts kinder. in Sept and is in preschool now. She is a very bright girl, loves to draw, being a princess, hannah montana, and dora. She is behaving so badly in school. She picks on the kids, spits at them, hits them, throws mulch in the playground, and talks back to the teachers. We did a sticker chart and she would get a sticker in the am and pm for good behavior but that's not working. We've taken away tv, toys, in bed after dinner, no dessert and nothing, pratically the same thing at least twice a week. My fear is that this will carry over to kindergar. so is there anything else you suggest. I don't want her behavioral issues to overshadow her intelligence. I don't want her behavior to define her.



maddiemom's picture
maddiemom

sorry meant to title it 5 year old, still getting used to her being 5, just had birthday

macky's picture
macky

How can I start this..Excactly the same as my 5 yr old boy..We have changed 4 schools in 3 yrs..Since we're here in czech republic originally fron UK,they haven't got the tolerance for kids here..I am deeply frustrated..Very sorry for my child's behavior..BUT FEEL HELPLESS!! We have been to a child psychologist got him everything checked and nothin is wrong with him..SO WHAT@S the next step?All I know is the teachers saying that he cannot diffriciate what is play and work time(school)..I'm really crying my head out..so confused and I don't want to punish my child everytime he does wrong in school(remind you it's an everyday punishment)I don't want him to think that we're not there for him..
so what's next?

im_a_flymom's picture
im_a_flymom

Sometimes kids are just not ready to be put into school. Was your child at home with you until school started? Meaning, no daycare. If so, she may be feeling rejected by you and may not know how to deal with these feelings. Also, don't be fooled into thinking your child is the only kid causing trouble in the class. I'm sure the other kids are giving her some problems too.

I'm sure it is hard for you as a parent to sit back and watch this happen to your child. I hope things get better.
I really don't have much experience with schools, I homeschool my kids. Have you given homeschool any thought?

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

To the parents that posted above,
I have a 4 yr old (almost 5) who is also in pre-k. He, however, has a speech problem, among other issues, so he often gets frustrated and he acts out in class. We found that a smaller, more structured setting works better for him. Maybe that would help.
Also, have there been any major changes at home (divorce, new baby?...). Sometimes those things can contribute.
You need to take the teachers aside, and also observe your children at home. Discuss what areas your children do best in. Then together come up w/ a plan that focuses on those areas, and maybe use them as rewards for your children.
Ask the teachers how they are disciplining you kids in school. It's possible they are not being consistent w/ your method of discipline, and this is confusing your children. It always helps to be on the same page.
Do your children behave this way at home or in other social settings?
You also mentioned your children are very bright. Could it be they are bored in school and just need more stimulation?
Maybe the other children could be contributing to the problems.
Also consider diet and sleep patterns as possible factors. If your children aren't eating or sleeping well, this could be contributing to the problems.
Have you tried talking to your kids about their behavior?
These are all questions you have to ask yourselves and discuss w/ the teachers. I don't think changing schools is the answer here, especially if you tried it before and it didn't help (unless, of course, you feel a more structured, individualized program would be more appropriate).
If after you try everything, and you still see problems, then consider a specialist that deals w/ behavior problems in children. This could all be simply a phase (remember they're only 5!) You should definitely nip this problem in the bud now, though, before it escalates further. We've learned not to give in to our son, no matter how much he acts out because it only makes the situation worse. And be consistent. Doing this has helped us tremendously. I hope my advice helps. Good luck to you both!

STEFANIEI20's picture
STEFANIEI20

I am having alot of the same problems with my son Hayden.He is so sweat and all the teachers at the school know it but he just don't know how to act in school.This is the first time my son has been in school and I have had to go get him early 7 days out of 12.He bite a boy in his class.The other boy didn't cry or even get hurt but it is still the idea of it.His teachers say he isn't a bully but the way he plays sometimes can hurt another child.The biggest problem I am having is getting him to participate in school.He is one of the smartest kids in his class and I realized that when the class is working on things he already knows he gets bored.So when the class is doing something he knows he acts up and when he is told to sit down he'll run out the room.When the teachers go to get him to bring him back to class he will kick and cry.I have tried sticker charts at school and home.I have watched hours and hours of videos trying to show my son how to act in school.I have also brought my son to his docter cause there are behavior specialist that can really help your child with any kinda problems in school. I have found a book it comes with a dvd and for the past 5 school days my son has stood in school from 7:20am to 3:25pm with no major problems.The name of the book is 123 Magic and it may or maynot help you.If any parents know anything the may still help me cause my son is doing alot better but he is still having minor problems I would be very thankful.

STEFANIEI20's picture
STEFANIEI20

My son Hayden also lost his father last summer and the first few months where hard on all of us but Hayden was only 4 at the time and didn't understand why his dad was gone.He still don't understand but he doesn't cry for him anymore but he does say sometimes that he wants to go to heaven to see daddy.I have told him heaven is far away.You can't drive to heaven and we don't get to pick when we go there God picks for us but he doesn't understand he's only 5.

Haydens teacher also wants me to go look at a different school with smaller classes.My sons school now is new it just opened up in september and theres 6 classes for each grade and the other school they want me to go look at just opened up too and they have 8 classes per grade and 2 classes per grade are no more then 15 kids in it.My sons school now has 34 kids in his class.Where I live they just opened up 5 new elementary school and closed down 11.We are know putting between 900 and 1200 kids in each school and i don't think this was a good idea.I just don't know if moving my son to a new school is going to help.I live 2 blocks away from my sons school now but if I move him he will have to take a bus cause it's across the city from where we live.This has been so hard on me and my son cause i don't think he knows he is doing wronge and how do you punish a child who has no idea what he is doing.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Our son is in spec ed, so that's how he got put in a smaller class. If you want to keep your son in public school, you can get him evaluated to see if he qualifies for special classes. You said he has a speech slur, so most likely he wld qualify for speech therapy.
You can also consider a private school w/ a smaller class size. Another idea wld be to join a social group or activity outside of school that teaches appropriate social interaction and behavior.
The inability to express himself cld be causing your son to become frustrated in school. Try working w/ your son at home as well, or you cld even consider private speech therapy. Look into your insurance to see if they cover it.
I also think the counceling is a good idea. W/ the help of the therapist, you can set up a behavior plan that can be incorporated in school as well. Best of luck.

granniesbabies04's picture
granniesbabies04
I HAVE A 4 YR OLD GRANDSON WHO HAS STARTED ACTING OUT AT SCHOOL, HITTING OTHER KIDS THROWING MILK ON THE TEACHER AND JUST BEING MEAN,WE HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING TO CURB THIS SHORT OF SPANKING HIM. WHAT IS NEXT.