I think my sons acting out, in school (started Kindergarten lately, is partly due to his lack of attention this last year, because of his younger brothers.

I am trying various othe techniques, he is involved in Soccer, although I have been taking his brothers, and I think maybe I should not. I want to maybe keep my focus on him during that hour. I wanted his Dad to attend Soccer, but with the twins, being 18 months, I thought maybe we could all go, to be there for him, instead of me always taking him, I want dad to be there., I didnt want to be stuck with the twins all the time, so.. ugh. I am very frustrated because I think my sons overall immaturity is because he is just not getting the good parenting he did from me, compared to before the babies were born.

I am annoyed, frustrated, and unsure. I am looking into counseling to reinforce good behavior. He cant keep getting notes sent home, and getting suspended, its only Kindergarten, for gods sake, he should be able to walk in line, keep hands to himself, without acting out, speaking out of turn, throwing tantrums over every little stupid incident.

Working at the Board of MRDD and having children with special needs myself, I have found the program called "1-2-3 Magic." My coworkers and I recommend it to our families. My sons have FASD (Fetal Alchol Spectrum Disorder) which has caused many behavior issues with them. We have used 1-2-3 since they came to our home at 18 months and 2 1/2 years. The gist of the program is: when your child is misbehaving and you need them to stop, you say 1, wait 5 seconds, 2, wait 5 seconds, 3 and time out(or some other consequence). In a short time, you will only have to put up one finger or say 1 and the behavior will stop. For my one son who has some ADHD and sensory processing disorder, we have him go up and down the steps 15 times. This just gets him using muscles and then he can usually calm himself. Now he will do the steps on his own because he can recognize what he needs. I highly recommend this program. I think most libraries have copies of the book or the DVD.

I have a different method. I’ll call it the “ONE” method. I call my child’s name once. If they do not acknowledge me as soon as I call them, they know I will stop what I am doing and I will get their attention. When my children were much younger they learned that when they are told to do something , they are to do it right then. When I call their name, they are to stop what they are doing and make eye contact with me. I refuse to sit and count out loud to a child who understands exactly what I am asking, but is refusing to do it. I will not adjust my schedule to accommodate tantrums, or fits. Additionally I will not sit in a public setting and subject others to an undisciplined child, while I, the parent, sits there counting out loud. I have seen this “method” in use several times. Most parents just start back at one when they get to three. Who is in charge here, the parent, or the child!

In another scenario. If you are trying to stop your child from doing something that may hurt them, like touching a hot stove, or running toward a moving car, will you have time use the 1,2,3 method? Or will they just keep doing what you are trying to stop because they are accustom to having you count to them? If a child can hear you count, and understands what that means, then that same child knows exactly what you are asking of them, but is REFUSING to comply.

This is a reply to MBeth...You mention that you can give some information on EXACTLY to do basic things like give strong and consistent boundaries and insist that he/she obeys you...I would love to hear your elaboration. We, in our household, do have boundaries which we hold consistent, but our 6 year old son "doesn't care"...and he actually WANTS to be a bad ass!!! (although he doesn't use that terminology). He doesn't bully other kids, but wants to viewed as the "bad ass" of any group. He seems to show a lack of self control as well. He really doesn't seem to respect me (his mother), although around his step-dad, he would never display bad behaviour...

I find now, I'm really getting frustrated with him and am having a hard time displaying patience....so, I would love to hear what your tactics are and any suggestions you may have!